i feel the universe greeting me

TFAPhotoEssay06, originally uploaded by asuinitiatives.

I feel like an addict.

I cannot explain how strange it is to wake up each morning, fighting off my basic instincts, which all push me to burrow back under the covers. Instead I eagerly throw on my nicest clothes and head out for the day, pumped for an hour drive to work. My body has never enjoyed early rising and it's really no different now, but I have something great waiting for me.

Having the ability to touch the lives of children each and every day is tremendously motivating and gives true meaning to all the work I do. I know that things will be different once I get my own classroom... I'll have new gripes and new obstacles to overcome... but the truth of the matter is that it is utterly heart-breaking to leave a school, without the knowledge of when I'll be back or whether or not the 5 minute side-mini-lesson really sunk in for the student I helped at the end of class.

The weekends are tough because although, I'm ecstatic that I have the time to recollect and relax, I begin to miss the kids and their constant stream of questions, observations, and discoveries. I can't seem to get enough of it.

Teaching is my greatest goal and my greatest fear. It's a fear that I desperately want to confront and overcome and one school, in particular, stands out against the rest as a place that supports and strengthens the teachers' journeys, in the classroom. I want to drive my students to a greater future and stay in touch as they move on to high school and college.

I'm looking on towards a better future.
And I can't get enough of it!

<sub>My love is safe for the universe
See me now I'm bursting
On one planet, so many turns
Different worlds
Singing "Ah-la-ah-ah ah-ah-ah-ah ah"

Fill my heart with discipline
Put there for the teaching
In my head see clouds of stairs
Help me as I'm reaching
The future's paved with better days

Not running from something
I'm running towards the day
Wide awake

A whisper once quiet
Now rising to a scream
Right in me

I'm falling, free falling
Words calling me
Up off my knees

I'm soaring and darling
You'll be the one that I can need
Still be free

Our future's paved with better days
[Eddie Vedder]</sub>

today is a good day, but...

265/365 Year Two, originally uploaded by coreena.

yesterday was better.

My eyes are acting up again, besides the fact that I got my allergy test and tested negative for everything. It's really frustrating and quite a blow to my confidence, entering new classrooms each day. It means that I am forced to talk about it each and every day. To explain why my eyes look red and watery over and over again. *le sigh*

I wasn't called in to work today, which means I had time to take care of my eyes as best as I can. I am hoping that, although they're still bad now, they will be better by tomorrow morning. Also, hoping to actually have WORK tomorrow. I hate waiting by a phone that doesn't ring. I can't wait until I have a real job.

<sup>I saw you looking at me girl
When I first set foot into the room
You didn't want me to see girl
You didn't wanna lay your cards so soon

I see you mulling it over
You wonder what your friends might think of you
Angel on your shoulder
But you know just what you want to do

No I don't need to know a thing about your past
No I just want one night with you no strings attached
And I know that we might not be the perfect match
And i just want one night with you no strings attached
[Mayer Hawthorne]</sup>

bought me some new duds

Teach For America-ASU partnership, originally uploaded by Arizona State University.

As you may have gathered at this point, for those who know me outside of this blog especially, my life has been rather hectic. I am substitute teaching in San Jose, at an amazing school called Rocketship. I have a three week stint lined up, starting tomorrow (which is good, since I laid down some serious money shopping for new clothes today).

On top of this wonderful new job, I am also working for Sylvan. I was originally working as a Diagnostician, unsure whether I would be tutoring any time soon. As it so happens, I have now begun the necessary training to be one of the tutors. I have some online tests to do tomorrow night, because I don't want to do them tonight, and then some on-site training on Wednesday night.

Life is crazy.
But life is so so good. :)

<sub>You've got a dark heart
You've got a cold kiss

You are my love, my love, my love
(You are my love)

Always turning back to you
'til you never let me down
Loving your illusions
Staring at a crooked crown

You always let me down
[the Hush Sound]</sub>

blogger has changed so much

So We Keep Waiting, originally uploaded by Boy_Wonder.

So I tried to convince myself to just post on my new blog, to move on from this one, and start fresh. Alas, I have been visiting my usual blog reads recently and noticed all of the changes here on blogger... I just couldn't resist checking it out! So, I make absolutely no promises about posting more often now, but I must say...

it feels kinda nice to be blogging on here again.

It feels like home...
which, at this point, is very hard to come by. :)

_{Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it
[John Mayer]}

out with the old & in with new

If you have been missing my posts, feel free to check out my tweets during the past month (tweet), but to continue following via blog, may I redirect you to my new site (typepad). I have also started back up with the picture-a-day project (flickr), so check in there from time to time, if you feel so inclined.

Oh, and blog more often!!

i'm much tougher than a lion

I'm Growing Up Faster Than I Ever Thought I Would, originally uploaded by Boy_Wonder.

I feel like I'm outgrowing my home.
It's frustrating to feel constrained by the lack of jobs.
Mer... I just hope this coming week will help that.
*sigh*

<sub>They can say whatever
I'ma do whatever
No pain is forever
Yup, you know this

Tougher than a lion
Ain't no need in tryin'
I live where the sky ends
Yup, you know this


No fear, and while you getting your cry on
I'm getting my fly on
Sincere, I see you aiming at my pedastal
I betta let ya' know
♫ Rihanna</sub>

see the roles done switched

Me & the Students, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I was kinda sad that I was unable to get a picture with my Monday class, but I'm just excited that I was able to get this one! The kid standing off to the right is also in the class and no, I haven't a clue as to why he is so far from the rest of us. Anyway... THEY WERE GREAT!!

I still think that Monday's performance went a lot more smoothly, but I loved it all the same. I was late for lindy afterward, but it was an interesting class all the same. I even think it's possible that I might be able to teach the lead for the move that we learned tonight, but that remains to be seen.

_{Can't nobody do it like Kim
only women that can do it like men
VVS's be them gems
(ho, now count that)
my money coming in
bending them corners on them rims
so play the check book tell me how do you bounce that
I bounce into position like I invented the Karma Sutra
but money make me come, go and ask Luda
and women cheat better than men we don't disturb them
my motto is "what they don't know won' hurt them"
we just do it like you do, see the roles done switched
♫ Ludacris}

if I could write you a song

Our Beer, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

What did I do after my full day of work today?

Eat pizza and drink cider... and some other alcoholic drink.

Best. Idea. Ever.

<sub>If I could write you a song,
And make you fall in love,
I would already have you up under my arm.
I used up all my tricks,
I hope that you like this.
But you probably won't,
You think you're cooler than me.

You got designer shades,
Just to hide your face and
You wear them around like,
You're cooler than me.
And you never say hey,
Or remember my name.
It's probably cause, you think you're cooler than me.

You got your hot crowd,
Shoes on your feet,
And you wear them around,
Like they ain't shit.
But you don't know,
The way that you look,
When your steps
Make
That
Much
Noise.
♫ Mike Posner</sub>

ain't got love like you should

201 / 365 - Dance with me, originally uploaded by Noukka Signe.

My private blues lesson went really well today and after a very informative ichat with David, I feel prepared for the private lesson on Friday. Yay! I have also given some thought to DJing some time soon... however, that is still yet to be decided. I have to scour my library for tunes that I already have and may even need to dL a few new ones. Let's hope that's not the case. I'd prefer to avoid that, if at all possible. Mer.

<sub>You ain't got no kind of feeling inside
I got something that will sure 'nuff set your stuff on fire
You refuse to put anything before your pride
I got something that will knock all your pride aside

Tell me something good (tell me, tell me, tell me)
Tell me that you love me
Tell me something good (tell me, tell me, tell me)
Tell me that you like it, yeah

Got no time is what you're known to say
I'll make you wish there were 48 hours to each day
Problem is you ain't been loved like you should
What I got to give will sure 'nuff do you good
♫ Chaka Khan Rufus</sub>

i can see us holding hands

JUMP, originally uploaded by ElementaryPenguin.

The CYT performance went delightfully well this afternoon. I am so proud of my kids and I was sad to leave them. They have made incredible strides with their singing and dancing abilities and I hope to see them excel to great heights! So cute.

As for the job search, it's going really well. Tomorrow will hopefully bring some answers since the holiday will finally be over. I am nervous and excited and ready to jump in!! I am just hoping to get some more sleep in... *yawn*

<sub>If I wrote you a symphony,
Just to say how much you mean to me
If I told you you were beautiful
Would you date me on the regular
Well, baby I've been around the world
But I ain't seen myself another girl
This ring here represents my heart
But there's just one thing I need from you

Yeah, because
I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
I can see us on the countryside
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side
You could be my baby, let me make you my lady
Girl, you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy
See, all I want you to do is be my love
(So don't give away) My love, (So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love
(So don't give away) My love, (So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love

Now, if I wrote you a love note
And made you smile with every word I wrote
Would that make you want to change your scene
And wanna be the one on my team
♫ Justin Timberlake</sub>

if you liking this position

Should Have Left My Phone At Home 'Cuz This Is A Disaster, originally uploaded by Boy_Wonder.

Okay... So I went a little over-board...
On the internet looking through the flurry of postings until 4:30am.
I have a hard time going to sleep when I get in these moods.

I stopped, for now, but in the morning (noon) I'm applying for...
- the Google Children's Center
- 5 Site/Program Manager positions for various nonprofits
- Operations Manager for KIPP Bay Area School

*sigh* Now... sleep... I hope.

<sub>i love how you approach me
Fresh white with yo pants sagging grown man low
everything you saying soundin good to me
dont need to convince me anymore swagger is right
one blade is tight
and i smell yo cologne in the air
baby you doing something right
you just canceled every otha man here
you say you like my butt and the color of nails
you can see that i got it going on
i wanna make sure you remember me so im gon leave my number
on yo video phone
i got no time for fronting
i know just what im wanting
if its gonna be you and me
when i call they betta see me on yo video screen

them hustlas keep on talking
they like the way im walking
you saying that you want me
so press record ill let you film me
on yo video phone
make a cameo
tape me on yo video phone i can handle you
watch me on yo video phone on yo video video if you wont me you can watch me on yo video phone


you know them g's they be hollerin specially them hot ones
brooklyn atlanta houston to new orleans
when they see me they be like yo B
let me call you
you breaking my focus boy you cute and you balling
you like it when i shake it
shawty on a mission wat yo name is what you want me naked
if you liking this position
you can tape it
on yo video phone
♫ Beyonce</sub>

look to all our younger years

Random Randoms, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

It has been a fine day in San Diego today.

I got home at 4am and had plenty of time to sleep before Lauren came over to visit. Very shortly after she left, Big was dropped off and we went up to visit with the rest of the Random family (shown above, minus 2, plus 2). It was a wonderful lunch, filled with amazing conversations, reminding me of the many blessings that they have brought to me.

Big and I spent the rest of the evening at the sorority house, chatting it up with the sisters and discussing the old days. It was nice to look back and nice to catch up. I think I am finally feeling accepted. It just took a while longer for me. Heh.

<sub>Oh - thinkin' about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free

Now nothin' can take you away from me
We bin down that road before
But that's over now
You keep me comin' back for more

Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

Oh - once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down

Ya - nothin' could change what you mean to me
Oh there's lots that I could say
But just hold me now
Cause our love will light the way
♫ Bryan Adams</sub>

there's no one here to save

Always Ready To Make A Change, originally uploaded by Boy_Wonder.

No one here to save, because I'm the one who will do the saving. I spent my morning filling out applications and sending cover letters in to non-profit organizations in the Bay Area. I made sure to check my contacts and double-checked my information for anything I could add or alter, in order to better my chances.

I'd say that the waiting game has begun, but the application has just started. I don't have the time to wait it out. Mer.

<sub>You've got opinions man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked
So let me thank you for your time
And try not to waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died and made you king of anything

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction, oh
But you'll never see
You're so busy making maps
With my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down
Just not the listening


All my life I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide
♫ Sara Bareilles</sub>

the way you touch me there

closeup, originally uploaded by roboppy.

Every day should end like this: sitting at a cozy table, in a noisy pub, with good friends, enjoying pizza and beer. Mm... It was a really fantastic way to conclude the day.

My CYT class went pretty well, even though I was stressing to get everything crammed in the two hours that we had to practice. I am very proud of them and I am eager to see them perform for their parents next week. It should be great!

Afterwards, I rushed over to Alicia Milo's lindy class and danced to my heart's content. It was really nice to finally put our moves to music, complete the routine with a routine, and easily dance to the tunes once the class was complete.

The bar was the perfect place to cool down and decompress from the classes stresses as well. I was surprised that I needed it, but I'm glad to be back at it next week... Basic techniques, check. New dance moves still yet to come!! :D

<sub>Tonight... I'ma let you be the captain
Tonight... I'ma let you do your thing, yeah
Tonight... I'ma let you be a rider
Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up, babe

Tonight... I'ma let it be fire
Tonight... I'ma let you take me higher
Tonight... Baby we can get it on, yeah
We can get it on, yeah

Do you like it boy
I wa-wa-want
What you wa-wa-want
Give it to me baby
Like boom, boom, boom
What I wa-wa-want
Is what you wa-wa-want
Na, na-aaaah

Come here rude boy, boy
Can you get it up?
Come here rude boy, boy
Is you big enough?
Take it, take it (yeah)
Baby, baby (yeah)
Take it, take it (yeah)
Love me, love me (yeah)

Tonight... I'ma give it to you harder
Tonight... I'ma turn your body out
Relax... Let me do it how I wanna
If you got it, I need it, and I'mma put it down

Buckle up... I'ma give it to you stronger
Hands up... We can go a little longer
Tonight... I'ma get a little crazy
Get a little crazy, baby

I like the way you touch me there
I like the way you pull my hair
Babe, if I don't feel it I ain't faking
No, no

I like when you tell me kiss me there
I like when you tell me move it there
♫ Rihanna</sub>

i'll wear leather and jeans

M is for Muppet Mayhem, originally uploaded by Boy_Wonder.

It's official.
The muppets are insanely awesome!!
I just watched all of the LOST: Untangled episodes from this season.
THEY ARE FANTASTIC!
Even if you don't watch the show...
Well...
Don't get terribly upset with me if I'm wrong about that...
But either way, they are hilarious and I just can't get enough!!
[CHECK IT OUT]

<sub>Leather and jeans
Your watch glamorous
Not sure what it means
But this photo of us
It don't have a price
Ready for those flashing lights
'Cause you know that baby I

I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your
Papa-paparazzi

Promise I'll be kind
But I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi

I'll be your girl
Backstage at your show
Velvet ropes and guitars
Yeah cause you'll know
I'm staring between the sets
Eyeliner and cigarettes
♫ Greyson Chance

[today's song chosen as a tribute to GLEE's Gaga episode]</sub>

i want to leave it all behind

To Do List, originally uploaded by Boy_Wonder.

I forget to do everything else on my list...
Maybe I should add breathing to it or I might forget it as well.

I'm really lame, actually.
I played online all day, rather than get applications filled out.
Procrastination, back the heck off!!!
Please.

<sub>And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you...
♫ Damien Rice</sub>

i don't condemn or convert

Oh Peace Train Take This Country, Come Take Me Home Again, originally uploaded by Boy_Wonder.

I'm not quite sure why I'm so perturbed about Lost's finale. I just find the surprise religious ending to be the ultimate cop-out to what was a really great show! If I could just erase the last twenty minutes of the finale, I would a much happier person.

Maybe in a few more days it will digest and I will be able to stomach the whole thing. Anyone willing to talk about it and help to ease my mind?

<sub>Love is my religion, Love is my religion, Love is my religion
I'll take you to the temple tonight

All my days I've been searching to find out what this life is worth
Through the books and bibles of time I've made up my mind
I don't condemn, I don't convert, this is a calling have you heard
Bring all the lovers to the fold, cause no one is gonna lose their soul

Love is my religion, Love is my religion, Love is my religion
Hey, you can take it or leave it, and you don't have to believe it
♫ Ziggy Marley</sub>

leave the boyfriend behind

Tequila Sequence, originally uploaded by blaster22485.

Spent the night boozing it up with Amanda.
I had my first ever shot of tequila...
It was pretty damned good!
She's a horrible influence on me!!
LoL.

<sub>I'm not ready
and I'm not even close
I'm not like the rest
No, i ain't like most
So don't hold your breath
And don't count to ten.
I'm still messing up
Gonna do it again.

So lets go out late
Drink a lot
Stay up past eight and then dance
Dance all night
Leave our boyfriends behind.
Leave our boyfriends...

One hand on the trigger
and one eye out for ghosts
One foot on the floor
and one glass in the toast
We're not ready
and we're not even close
We're not like the rest
No, we ain't like most

So lets go out late
Drink a lot
Stay up past eight
And then dance
Dance all night
Leave our boyfriends behind
Leave your girlfriend behind
♫ Leona Naess</sub>

love, it blinds and it stings

Food Pyramid, originally uploaded by lunchbreath.

Really?

I went by the booth with the government's food pyramid and asked what they thought about it. Their answer? "Um... We're just volunteers. I don't know. Call this lady. [handing me a business card] She'll know."

So, it's apparently very complicated.

News to me:
Fruit roll-ups and chips are healthy.
They must be to have their own table at this health fair.
*shrug*

<sub>You've been my queen for longer than you know
My love for you has been
Every step i take
Every day i live
Everything i see

And if i get things wrong
Don't want you to think I'm running away
But i heard from Jo about this guy And i want to know

What did he say?
He called me baby, baby all night long
What did he do?
He called me baby, baby all night long

Why? Why? Why, did you need him?
Where was i?
Just how close to you is he?
Every smile you gave
Every touch you made
Every word you said

And it hurts beyond hurt
It was a love that blinds
And a love that stings
♫ One eskimO</sub>

stupid and very wrong move

pain, originally uploaded by Jane Bird.

OWCH!!

Dammit. I am incredibly sore.

So much so that I am unable to reposition myself without groaning and David can attest to that. While attempting a lovely ichat conversation, I periodically groaned and griped about the pain I inflicted upon myself.

I need to take better care of my body.

Blues lesson: + $55
New phone: - $36.56
Dinner with Alicia: - $20 <-- EEK!
The day's outcome: - $1.56

... At least I had that $55.