it's true. she is now a lieder...

Day 316 - my favorite thing, originally uploaded by {damnittoby}.

... but she will always be my Watermelon!


I'm so glad I got to talk to Lauren... FINALLY!! We had a rousing game of phone tag and I am relieved that it has ended. I really feel as if she helped in so many ways. Less of telling me what I should do with the things in front of me and more of providing the necessary clarification I needed to take the steps that are already on my heart. Married friends are good. :)



Gems:
waking up to chirping birds
awesome coworkers
dinner & dancing with Greg
phone call with Lauren
picking Big up from airport

this is art... art and his art.

(2.27) Day sixteen:, originally uploaded by the.new.slang {365}.

I feel artsy and art feels me.
Had a great day.
But again, it's late.
So goodnight...


Gems:
apologies
legos
red lights
artwork
Gregory

eat, drink and be merry, i say

A Great Meal, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I had a fabulous night with Brandy tonight. I picked her up from the trolley station and we cruised over to the Olive Garden for dinner. Be jealous because it was a great meal and an even greater night all-together! We finished stuffing our faces and set out for Barnes and Noble, where I bought a bunch of stuff for camp and myself. Brandy found a good book and a very cute journal. I'm excited that she will finally be able to record her life and notes somewhere safe. It helped me to grow so much!

I also went by Natasha's place to check out the apartment and I'm still very unsure. Greg is going over there with me tomorrow and we might even go shopping for some art supplies afterwards for a joint project. I don't usually collaborate on my artwork, so I'm eager to see what we can do together! I miss the Flood... I haven't been in two weeks... I attended Journey and Maranatha (twice), so I need a healthy dose of Flood back in my life! :D

I'm tired. Bed time.


Gems:
cooking for Greg
apartment shopping
dinner with Brandy
Barnes and Noble
arts and crafts

realism doesn't mean cynicism

Jessica & Kenny Teasers-2, originally uploaded by katenadine.

If we are very careful, we may be able to keep pain away... But if we never take risks, we allow fear to block all paths to the true happiness that may be in store as well. The sermon I heard tonight was about the two worlds... Heaven and earth...

I whole-heartedly accept both of those worlds into my life, even though I could certainly spend more time with God... Still, I couldn't help but listen to the more overt lessons of the movie.

I spent most of my life protecting myself from the pain and hurt of relationships. I never allowed myself to truly get close to another person, simply due to the fact that the person might break my heart in one way or another.

"Realizing realism doesn't require cynicism"

By shielding myself from pain, I also shielded myself from the amazing gift of a relationship with the man God intended for my life. I am so incredibly thankful for the blessings and trials I went through since January! Without them, I would still be stuck in a cynicism that was pretty hard to crack. I cynicism that I hope never returns.


I am open. Open to pain. Open to hurt. Open to sadness. Open to change. Open to uncertainty. Open to relationships. Open to love. Open to God.

Take me. Break me. Mold me. Make me stronger. Make me whole.



Gems:
kids
free food
Starbucks love
movies @ church
time with mah girls!!

add God and that makes three

176/365, originally uploaded by Je suis Russell.

So I don't want to do again what I did last night... I tried blogging while WAY too tired to function and ended up with some really screwy text! So I'll just make this as short as possible.


My day:
Long, but great!

My night:
Time with Pledge Momma, Mom, Rodger, and Greg...
Could it really get much better?!

My thoughts:
Extremely muddled... I don't know how to plan after all.

The above photo:
How I want to live every relationship...
With God in the middle!


Gems:
diligence
strength
rides
rest
in Him

unexpecting & unbelievably

Springtime in Paradise, originally uploaded by Pink Sherbet Photography.

This summer is really amazing...
New work rules implemented.
Almost done with school.
Half-day camp.
Swing dancing.
A legit relationship.
An amazing man of God.
Perfectly late nights out on the town.
Wedding season, featuring great friends!
Time with friends... when they don't have work.

I can't wait to experience all that God has in store for me. And don't worry... Greg and I won't continue past this stage of the relationship until we have been together for about 3 months. Once I move out of the apartment and into my new/old place (whatever that may be), I hope that it will be a smooth transition. As for now, Sleep.


Gems:
donuts
early day
caffeine
church
boundaries

the evil i am leaving behind

175/365, originally uploaded by Je suis Russell.

-'-'-
Pride
Lust
Laziness
Envy
Gluttony
Rage
Greed
-,-,-
Help me to be less self-serving and more attentive to the needs of those dearest to me and to those who may be around. It is only then that I will be able to speak Your love with my actions. I want to be a vessel for Your grace. Use me. I pray this in Your name. Amen.


Gems:
call from Lauren
lunch with staff
organization
dinner with Verona
SHOWERS!! :)

purity... He wipes it all clean

174/365, originally uploaded by Je suis Russell.

I spent all of today's free-time establishing boundaries to maintain my purity to honor and praise the Lord with my body and mind. It is really difficult putting all of those things into words and there is no way I could have accomplished it without the key Bible verses to get my mind in the right place.

I waited until I was in a relationship to fill out this paper... I thought it made more sense and would keep me from focusing too much on that future... I think I could have benefitted just as much, if not more, if I had simply filled it out as soon as I received it, adding or subtracting from it over time. Let me know if you'd like me to send you the form!

God has a plan for each and every one of us and the life we lived before we chose to follow Him does not determine how Holy a union the marriage between you and your love will be. He wipes us clean and therefore, we must honor Him by maintain the purity of our body, His temple.

We can be in the Spirit but not live according to the Spirit. We must desire His will and obey Him by asking for His help to foster a pure relationship with another person. "Do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance" (1 Peter 1:14). When we confess our sins, we are purified as He forgives them.


The reasons for God's command to wait until marriage:
- protect your mind from the images of past relationships
- protect you from mistrust and suspicion within the relationship
- protect you from confusing the intensity of sex with the intimacy of love
- protect your Christian witness
- protect your fellowship with God
- provide freedom to enjoy your future spouse without other images
- provide a foundation of trust for your current and future relationships
- provide intimacy (true knowledge of another person outside of physical)
- provide peace of mind as you enter a commitment of marriage
- provide integrity as you minister to other
- provide the abundant life


Gems:
full work-day
hour lunch
prayer
purity
God

getting to getting my time back

day nine point five., originally uploaded by ::reflecting truth::.

So Greg and I have spent a lot of time together this past week and learned a ton about each other. I really wouldn't change any of it, but we do want to settle back into life a little bit. I'll see him dancing tomorrow and then I'll probably go to church with him on wednesday. So unless someone has tuesday free and wants to get together then, I won't be going to Henry's. I need someone to come with me if I go, so if someone else would like to just go to dinner or something instead, I'd be up for that as well. Alright... Work tomorrow. Goodnight.


Gems:
breakfast
sunday school
getting work done
dinner with the fam
God talk

as the wedding bells chime

[137/366] Valerie & Neil, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I really couldn't even try to explain how perfect the day was. I can try. Breakfast for lunch. My navigation skills. Perfect timing. Self-written vows. God skylight. Walk in Coronado. Shopping in Horton Plaza. Recaption at Tom Ham's Lighthouse. FloodKids friends. Food fights. Tearing up the dance floor. The San Diego skyline. He caught the garter. Fireworks. Conversations.


Gems:
God's blessings
innuendos
music
my "twin"
Valerie and Neil

we should do coffee sometime

coffee love, originally uploaded by strange.little.mama.

I guess I have a ton of coffee dates coming up and I couldn't be more excited about it. I am hungry for the thoughts and opinions of my friends, family, and fellow believers. Greg and I are so perfectly on the same page that the cynic in me is sure that I must be missing something. That cynic is dying rapidly though and I'm so excited about the transformations that God has already taken me through!

I pray for wisdom, clarity, and God's active presence in this relationship.



Gems:
Verona: "reading your blog i am glad to see how happy you are."
Doodle: "aw... I'm so happy for you."
my dad: "sounds like he was made for you."
my mom: "is he coming to the forth of july?"
Greg: "I haven't stopped wearing the smile you gave me."

music plays across the universe

132/365 La même histoire, originally uploaded by Disco ♥ Tetris.

The music softly plays from the stereo.
All other sounds melt into a hush.
My heart dances to the beat.
As God reaches out to me.


Gems:
Him
YMCA kids
Godly talks with coworkers
my parents
Greg

love doesn't boast, nor do i

Love..., originally uploaded by Sara Judith.

God moves me.

God fills me.

God consumes me.

Give God the glory!

... Through Him, I can accomplish anything.



Gems:
boyfriend :)
great bosses
coworkers
church
tradition

this'll be me someday.. promise

second dance: *KISS* by Prince, originally uploaded by katenadine.

I fully intend to have a second dress on my wedding if I decide to have a formal gown for the ceremony... It just wouldn't be right if I couldn't really get down and celebrate my marriage to the amazing man God has for me!!


Congratulations, Jeff & Jackie!


Gems:
wedding season
successful first day
text messages
my awesome Big!
time with the boy

the sweetest bliss of summer

sweet summer bliss, originally uploaded by elisabethsarah.

I'm in an amazingly wonderful relationship with Jesus Christ, my Savior. And I am not at all willing to make room for another relationship with just any other man. I need a quality man who will pursue a relationship with me and challenge me to grow in my faith once he has me. I need a man who will encourage me and comfort me when I need it most.

But most of all, I don't need a man to be able to live a God-centered life and I don't need him to be encouraged to rise above the obstacles I encounter from day to day. I also don't need a man to be my sole comfort... I have family, sisters, friends, and a God who is alive and moving in my life.

So this is my thank you and my love letter to all of the amazing people in my life! My gratitude and admiration is overflowing for all of you... For putting up with all of my crazy antics and the crazy things in my life!! I love you all very very very much!

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moment, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God!!

[ Taken from my January 12th blog ]

Gems:
last night!!
reassessing
recommitting
text messages
last day of freedom

help! look inside... i'm trapped!

Day 293, originally uploaded by {damnittoby}.

My blogs.
My music.
My poetry.
My photos.
My writings.
My calendar.
My connections.

It's not that my computer is my life. But my life is contained by this computer. Could I live without it? Sure. Would I want to? Not unless God required it of me. That's not bad... Is it?


Gems:
lazy sunday
FloodKids
"Awesome!!"
old movies
clunky technology of ol'

my open hands open my heart

(210) Open heart, open hands., originally uploaded by Sarajea.

Have you ever realized how the connection between two people grows immensely with a simple touch? A brush of the arm... A fumbling foot... Reaching for the same thing...

It gets me wondering about my relationship with God and how much stronger it could be with His simple touch, soft caress, or strong embrace... But I still believe that we can feel Him in other ways... Through His children... His creations... His miracles... I want to fall in love with God all over again!


Gems:
the perfect day
the Incredible Hulk
Bennigan's
Sweeney Todd
a bid farewell

horror flicks & trembling hands

[129/366] Happy Friday the 13th, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Although I didn't end up with much as a result, I spent the entire day researching all the different horror films I could think of! My goal was to come up with a costume idea for the night, but after all the hours spent reading magazines, watching the sci-fi channel, surfing wikipedia, and re-watching youtube clips, I had nothing.

Nothing, that is, but the undeniable feeling that someone, or something, was going to attack me... like the killer in Psycho... like the dad in the Shining... like the mean kids in Carrie... like the serial-killer from Nightmare on Elm Street... like Damien from the Omen!!

It's all fun and games until you find yourself halfway through your shower and suddenly very suspicious about your home's security. Even after I got out of the shower, I felt uneasy and nauseous, quite literally! So I scribbled REDRUM on my arm and ran out of my apartment...

I just couldn't take it, okay?!
Just forgive me... for once...
I'll make it up, eventually...
Maybe.

HAPPY FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH!!!


Gems:
breakfast for breakfast
last minute fixes
laundry
creepy research
an amazing night with friends!

there's far too much filth 'round

Memoirs of a Woman of Leisure (II), originally uploaded by Miss Aniela.

I have a MOUNTAIN of dirty laundry and I'm in need of more socks and jeans. So what am I up to? I fully intend to go to the mall and buy the things I need, as well as a new shirt to wear simply because I don't want to wash my clothes today. LoL. It's genius, right?


Gems:
gentlemen
Strutters' Ball
talks with Liz
late nights
shopping

so i just ate pizza instead

Yum! :-9, originally uploaded by yoshiko314.

Operation breakfast-for-dinner has been cancelled.
Instead Big will be making breakfast for breakfast on friday.
I can't wait.

New jeans needed.
Mall excursion to be planned soon.
My current jeans are dying.

Swing dancing tonight.
Carpooling up to Orange County.
I love being a swing junkie!


Gems:
last minute dancing
sleeping past noon
eating groceries
time with my Big Sis
carpooling tonight

someday my prince will come

Bride & Groom, originally uploaded by Kristen Anna.

It's true.
I believe it.

Lauren's wedding was beautiful.
I'm still reeling!

I look forward to the future & my fairy tale.
In the meantime, I'm growing.


Gems:
direct deposit
lunch with Ashley
new iphones
time with Tommy
swing dancing

shopped & rose from the drop

Price Cut, originally uploaded by Ann LT.

I finally went grocery shopping for the first time in MONTHS!! It was freaking fantastic and I'm not even sure why. I cried extensively last night (for an added time over a smoothie that fell on my way inside of my apartment complex... after only drinking a few sips) and I desperately needed to sleep off the frustrations.

So that's what I did. I slept and slept and slept. Then I watched some Greek, went grocery shopping, and watched some more Greek. I saved $22.62 and spent $96.94. Did I need everything that I bought, probably not, but I loved every second of it!!

I will continue to watch more of the Greek marathon and then miss the season finale to go dancing in PB tonight. I could get used to this Swing Huddle thing. I will be sure to write tomorrow... I so missed my time with Compy. Till then...


Gems:
sleep
wedding photos
flickr
grocery shopping
Greek

best to worst in a minute flat

Speeding car, originally uploaded by Major Dude.

So I got pulled over for speeding just as we were getting home from Fresno. I had a bad feeling the whole day and wasn't really comfortable speeding as I was on Wednesday... Candace had to pee, we were almost home, and I had already been driving for FIVE HOURS... Come on!! Whatevs... My eyes are raw from crying. I just want to sleep!

Sorry for the late posts.
I didn't have internet.


Gems:
productive morning
alone time
fountains
the crossword
the French bakery

the bride is my best friend

The Bride, my Best Friend, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

And she looked beautiful...
She's sleeping with a BOY!!!


Gems:
smoothies
hair appointments
the mint boy
my dad can dance!
THE FIRST KISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rehearsals make perfect

[122/366] The Rehearsal, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

We spent most of the day prepping for the wedding.
A little time was spent on the rehearsal itself.
And dinner was interesting...


Gems:
Jessica
Rea
Dana
Dayna
Candace

and the word on the street is...

almost married, originally uploaded by becaboo.

Lauren is getting married this Saturday. That's in TWO days, people! Pretty exciting, I know. Tonight is the Hen Party and I expect only wonderful things!! A little drama thus far, but we handled it and I'm still sane. Maybe a nap is in order. I love you all and I'd love to update you, but I should get a move on. I will be sure to write a little each day and I'll just have to catch you up on the details after it is all done!


Gems:
Chile's specialties
sleeping in
Albacore tuna
tonight's Hen Party
chubby bunny

time for road trip fresnooooooo

while driving, originally uploaded by caterpillars.

Alright, again, I find myself with very little time for this blog. I love you guys, but I need to get ready to leave to Fresno. Car rides are the best, right?! They had better be. I have to drive for 6 or 7 hours with 3 other girls on my way to Fresno for Lauren's wedding. It will be amazing!


Gems:
dancing at Henry's
stalling from everything
remembering to blog
crazy Hula
morning coffee

my car is the happiest ever

The Happymobile, originally uploaded by arcticllama.

My car went in to the shop about two and a half weeks ago and got all the necessary fixes and tune-ups. Today I took it to Discount Tire Co. and got the worn down tires replaced. It's a bit of a bummer that the car is pretty dirty, seeing that I just got it washed not too long ago, but the inside is still looking great! So the Coastkeeper is ready for the drive up to Fresno.

All I have to do now is clear out the trunk, pack, and possibly shop for a few things at the grocery store. Lauren's Hen Party will be a blast and the wedding will be amazing. As nervous as I am, I am even more excited for her in this new step of life. She means the world to me and I only want to see her happy! :)


Gems:
great new dance venue
my alarm's snooze button
new tires for the Coastkeeper
last chance to dance for a week
4 more days until the wedding

i just have no time anymore

Clock Tower in Paris, originally uploaded by ZillaPhotography.com.

I had the whole day free and now I have no time for anything!
Oh well.
I'll write more tomorrow.


Gems:
have the day off... almost
Starbucks
getting the Hen party sorted
See's candy
the possibility of dancing

dreams of white picket fences

White Picket Fence, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

It was really great seeing all of the families worshipping together at Frippleville tonight. It was the last night of the school year, so we will be on break for a few months. Although it does seem to be a bit of a hassle at times, I really love volunteering as a dancer. The families are just so adorable... I look forward to the day that I have a family to look after.

And yes, I want the house with the white picket fence, a flower garden, at least one pet for the family, and a yard to play in. If that means a smaller wedding, less extra parties, and fewer people attending my wedding, then so be it. Our life after the wedding is what is most important.

It's late. I'm tired. Rant over.


Gems:
FloodKids
video lessons
Borders for hours
Hen Party plans
Frippleville