he loves me, he loves me not

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, originally uploaded by NixieMichelle.

I've been wrestling with this a lot as I'm sure many of you know.

I ended up talking with Greg on the phone last night, pissed at first, and I think I finally understand everything that has happened in the last two weeks. I am of course sad to lose my boyfriend, but now that I better understand where he was coming from, I am glad it happened.

It woke me up from the survival persona that took over during the credential program. I haven't been myself and everything I was had been drained out of me. I didn't realize that Greg was suffering in a similar way and now that I know and understand, I'm content to reevaluate my rules and restrictions on dating and friendship.

I no longer believe that it was a good idea to "date with intentions"
(it put my focus on the future rather than the present)
I want to try to be friends with people in general
(guys and girls, which does not mean I want to spend one-on-one time with any boys)

I may not have all of the answers, but this is my "plan"
My plans are all tentative from now-on.

TO-DO:
1. Begin and end your day with yoga.
2. Replace the crazy messages with meditations.
3. Dig out the self-help books.
4. Add essences to your water...and wrists...and temples.
5. Shed some skin with a micro-dermabrasion and peel.
6. Soak it up in the tub.
7. Let it out.
8. Get a massage.
9. Pound it out.
10. Crank up the tunes.
11. Put the conversation off.
12. Make plans with friends. Lots and lots of plans.
_{I taken a lot of steps already.}