hours later... and still crying

Day 19: Long Day, Part 1, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

It was a long day. I wouldn't be able to think straight right now if I tried. So, I won't. I have two photos from today. Each has a story on it's own and together. As for me, I'll get better. I just need time.

Now, I going to try to just stop and breathe.

Day 19: Long Day, Part 2, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Gems:
getting back to the gym
seeing the Lil
C B "L" V :)
answered prayers
a good friend found amidst chaos

uninspired and unmotivated

Day 18: Lemon face, Lion face, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I would love to be as clever as I was yesterday... with a photo, blog, and lyrics that all emphasize and articulate perfectly. Alas, today just is not one of those days. I suppose I'm just a bit more tired than usual, but I'd rather focus on getting this write-up done, surviving my next class, and making it home for a shower before I go out dancing tonight.

I do however love this shirt in the picture and how the colors turned out. That is something to be appreciative of, I guess. Well, back to my review... Kiss kiss.

Gems:
sleeping through drunk-dials
today's theatre performance
chips, salsa, & margaritas!
skipping class w/o regret
a night out with my love (I've missed her)

captain backfire, present and reporting for duty

Day 17: My stupid mouth., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I do it all the time... More so recently than ever before.
My words just run away from me.
Word vomit.
It's overwhelming to say the least.
I don't think I've ever had to justify myself
... as much as I have in the past month!
It's a part of my growth, I suppose.

_{[no edit on the photo other than a minor crop and contrast and exposure adjustment... that's the first I can claim that!!]}

<sup>My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again
To a date over dinner yesterday
And I could see
She was offended
She said "well anyway..."
Just dying for a subject change

Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said, "Think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one soon

We bit our lips
She looked out the window
Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
I played a quick game of chess
With the salt and pepper shaker
And I could see clearly
An indelible line was drawn
Between what was good,
What JUST slipped out, and what went wrong

Oh, the way she feels about me has changed
Thanks for playing, try again.
How could I forget?
Mama said, "Think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one

I'm never speaking up again
it only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
than she desert me

Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now... Starting now


One more thing
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But it's all because of this desire
I just wanna be liked
I just wanna be funny
Looks like the jokes on me
So call me captain backfire

Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said, "Think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one

I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me

oh I'm never speaking up again
I'm never speaking up again
I'm never speaking up again
Starting now, starting now...</sup>

Gems:
seeing my Big
coffee house meetings
choreographing kids
annoyingly funny phone settings
finally making a run to Vons

don't worry, i found the love

3rd Sunday: The best part of waking up..., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

... at the bottom of my coffee mug.

I wanted to try out the four-shot feature of my Photo Booth and I'm really happy with the way it turned out... People on flickr might not, but at least I'm content with my finished work.

Today was just an all-around good day. I can't say why it was so good... Just that it was good. The kids were great. Lunch with my Love was fantastic. And then I got to chill out at my apartment until my Love picks me up for church. Being done with that paper is awesome!!


It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin' in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on
Where's the truth, y'all, come on
Where's the love, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
I'm looking forward to the coming week...
I haven't a clue to what may be in store, but I can't wait to find out!

Gems:
hearing myself think
time with Candace
cuddling with the sleep-machine
eating pasta noodles
the lure of the Starbucks mug

can i see YOUR guarded heart?

Day 16: Guard your heart., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

This heart has no key...

SO HOW DO I KEEP IT LOCKED?!

I'm trying every method I can think of...

I WILL find a way to keep it guarded.

But still...
"If you were falling, then I would catch you..."


I had a fantastic night last night... I cannot explain how much I needed the rest that I found in relaxing. I hit up the spa and got In 'N' Out shakes and fries with Jonny. We just spent a lot of time talking and listening to good music. Always a good combination.

<sup>"Do you have the key to unlock my heart?
Do you know you've already made a start?

Could you make me laugh more than cry?
Could you make my heart soar, my spirits fly?

My head screams, walk away!
But something inside tells me, no stay!

Have I got the strength? I can but try.
I want to know more, but I don't know why.

Do I take the chance? Can I let you see?
Dare I let my guard down and show you the real me? "</sup>
So what do I do today? After waking up late, I went to Starbucks for a pasta lunch and then to a Battle of the Bands with Jeanele and the crew. We got back around 3:30, so I went back to the apartment, changed, and took the puppy with me to the spa. It was really nice. At 5:30 or so, I went out with Veronica and Brandy to Sammy's for dinner. I always enjoy a Girls Night!

... looking forward to another.

Gems:
reconciling with the water
text messages
time spent with my lady friends
my new mug
ingrid michaelson songs

just lovers of loving love

Day 15: Are You there, God?, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

"You can throw the whole weight of your anxieties
upon Him, for you are His person concern."
-- 1 Peter 5:7
So now that I'm done with my paper, it has become extremely difficult for me to avoid watching TV. I knew that I couldn't and shouldn't before, when I had to write the Capstone... but now, I haven't any immediate obligations and with this newly found time, I'm forced to hide in my room. Why go to the extreme of hiding in my room? Well it's the only room in the house, other than the kitchen and bathrooms without a TV. At this point, I am pretty sure my dreams often follow TV show plot lines and involve the characters from King of Queens.


Yeah... so my mom called me today. It was a very interesting conversation we had as well. After talking for about ten minutes about as much as we could, my mom throws in another question:

"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Um... Who told you that?"
"Well, do you?"
"Did someone tell you that I did?"
"I was having lunch with Dana (my sister) and she asked me if I knew... So, do you?"
"No, Mom."
"Oh... [long pause] ... but you'll tell me when you do?"
"Yes, Mom"
"Okay good. Well, I hope to see you this weekend!"


I love you too, Mom.
Gems:
finished with the Capstone
roommate love
fighting with the puppy
phoning home
a night on the town

i don't want to talk about it

Day 14: All-nighter #2 this week, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

no, really, i don't.


Gems:
Lestat's
time with Candace
capstone will be turned in at 1:45 (class at 2)
understanding teachers
still living

he's a short-term pessimist, long-term optimist

Day 13: A good book, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I hate this paper that I am being forced to write, but as soon as it's done, I'm actually looking forward to reading the books by Daniel Boorstin. He has an insight that is just really intriguing...

Rachel Carson was an awesome person to learn about as well. I might pick up her book, the Silent Spring, someday as well. She offers the same message of the Lorax in poetic form for adults.

Both Authors are extremely taboo is several ways and I just love that you can sense their passion through their writing. I pray that my passion for God and His plan comes through my writing as well... Maybe not in this paper, but at least here. :)

Who knew I could actually get something out of this dang project?!

Gems:
my "nap" last night
going to sleep anyways
my accidental nap this morning
motivation to finish everything
morning with the roommate

burning the [5 am] oil

Day 12: Burning the..., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Yes, it's early morning and I am not only still awake, but I do not intend on sleeping at all. I paused to take my photo for the day just because I can't remember the last all-nighter I had to do!! The idea came to me and I just ran with it.

For those that were wondering how far along I am, I am halfway through the second essay BECAUSE I had to stop and actually do the homework for today. I finished my math homework, have another two sentences for my history analysis, and then I have to evaluate a classmate. Lame. I'm currently decided whether I should just do all the homework for today and thursday tonight, so I can't focus solely on the Capstone. Either way, it's lame.

And I am the absolute worst at maintaining focus.

"Your biggest distraction in worship is yourself--your interests and your worries over what others think about you."
God, please help me to remember this the next time I stand awkwardly with one hand raised and the other on the chair in front of me, as I scan the room inconspicuously. I'm there to worship You and nothing anyone else is doing should have an influence on my worship for You. I am not the one "getting something out of the worship." I'm the one giving! I lift all this up to You, God. Amen.


_{[THINGS TO REMEMBER TODAY]
-- Buy Ink & Report cover
-- Don't die!}



Gems:
nostalgic of sophomore year
joy from teaching
peaceful with the puppy
goofiness in general
thankful for the phone call

if i were a drinker...

Day 11: Permanent residence?, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

... I'd be all kinds of wasted right now.

So I've heard of having a monkey on your back, but a puppy?
She's getting seriously ridiculous.
As my sole source of amusement for the weekend, Hula has been amazing... I just don't think I can stand it here any longer. If I don't finish the papers today, I don't know WHAT I'll do!! I should be editing by now. Lame.

Gems:
late night research
ambiguity
warm puppy snuggles
sub sandwiches
the prospect of finishing

like a lightbulb in a dark room

2nd Sunday: Extra weight, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I'm hoping I can get the first essay done soon and move onto the second. I'd be stoked if I could finish both by today. The third should be easier, so I'm praying for the focus I need.


... just sittin' here waiting for you...


Gems:
our unspoken love
an understanding boss
my mom's voice
snuggling with the puppy
a clean fish bowl

wanting to play, wordplay just doesn't satisfy

Day 10: Wordplay, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Even though I stuck to yesterdays list, I still didn't get much done... So after I blog this, I am cutting flickr and blogger out as well. I would say that I'm being extreme, but the reality is this I'm ridiculous and therefore require ridiculous restrictions! So this is farewell. I can't come out and play today

^{Updated:
No TV.
No movies.
No online videos.
No facebook.
No myspace.
No AIM.
AND no flickr.}

Gems:
actually starting the paper
Brandy's dancing
airport text messaging
yesterday's daydreaming
today's diligence.

on my very best behavior

Day 9: Bound to be a while..., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I'm on lock down today.

No TV.
No movies.
No online videos.
No facebook.
No myspace.

I have a 12-15 page paper to write by Thursday.
I'm giving myself 2 days to finish it.
If you need me, text me.
Lame.


Gems
Fendi's valentine
a red carnation
lunch with Big
puppy love
validation

my Valentine's gift to you

Day 8: Valentine's on the go, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

[Italia's Keys to Enjoying Valentine's Day Single]
♥ Don't get depressed about it. Don't hate the holiday either because one day you will like it.
♥ Have a candlelight dinner with God.
♥ Make Valentines for your friends and stick them on their desk or in their mailboxes.
♥ Buy yourself a box of chocolates and avoid chick flicks. Try a comedy or even an action movie. Better yet, GIRLS NIGHT OUT!
♥ Go to school; nothing kills a holiday like going to class. So, if you are bummed, actually go to school today.
♥ If all else fails, go to bed early. That way you can sleep away the hearts and sparkles induced nausea.

[My Guide for Significants during Valentine's Day]
♥
Cherish the joys that come with each new stage of life as lovely flowers that bloom in their own season.
♥
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1).
♥
Sometimes, Lord, in my eagerness to rush into the future, I overlook Your daily gifts of love. Help me to slow my pace that I may enjoy the blessings of the present and live each day to its fullest.
♥
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you" (John 14:27).
♥
Those who place today in God's hands need never worry about tomorrow.
♥
I love you, God loves you, and your life has tremendous importance in His plan. Embrace Him and follow His ways, whatever they may be. I pray that you use this day to rededicate your life to Him and ask what it is that you can do for Him today.
♥

Since I literally have no time to stop all day today, above is what I have to offer all of you! It may not be much but I know most of my readers are single and I love to read about God's love on Valentine's Day!! A bit more about my day... I had/have to pick up cupcakes for class before 10am, catch the bus, go to class, go to lunch, finish homework, go to 2 classes, catch a ride with Big Sis, go to the Flood Singles event, and swing dance the night away... All in the rain!

So this is the winning shot of the day.

The cupcakes, raindrops, and quick Bible studies on my laptop. I love it!

Gems:
cupcakes
parking spaces
soothing rain
Flood Singles Night
hugging booths

love is a movement

Day 7: TWLOHA., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I am stuck indoors doing my Capstone for most of the day today, but I still have my TWLOHA gear... The shirt, the L♥VE on my arm, and a sharpie to spread the love. I will tell them they are loved, that they are important, and ask if I can write LOVE on their arm as a symbol of that. I hope others will reach out in the same way to those who need love, those who you often walk right by every day. They need our care.

I struggled with the concept of being lovable and loved myself and I know how hard people are on themselves. Not much effort is necessary, but I believe that this can be life-changing for many if we just make this a priority. God loves us, so we can love others and show them the love of God through our words and actions.

TWLOHA.
To Write Love On Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for those struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

Gems:
feeling fit
the green burrito
feeling loved
time with my love, my God
feeling motivated

all is perfect through God

Day 6: Worn Down, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Today was amazing and I just couldn't help but to feel God's blessings throughout each part of my day! I didn't have to stress over unfinished homework, I had extra time to study, ate free pancakes, and took some phone calls. Then I went dancing at Henry's Pub and I got home after midnight... Sorry for the wait, but it's still yesterday for me. Forgiveness, please.

I know that was short, but I'm tired. The day was just too good!

Gems:
God's grace
run-in's at Starbucks
free pancakes with amazing women
pointlessly loud yelling fits
monopolized dances

not a want, but a need...

Day 5: I'm soaring... flying..., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I'm breaking free!

It's really quite amazing to me how my determination can keep me up all hours of the night. I had several devo times throughout the day yesterday, but didn't have any time to just sit quietly and meditate until around midnight. So I stayed up until 1am, soaking in as much as I could! It was awesome.

I think it just made things better today. Not to embarrass her further, but my fun with Candace last night could only put me in a better mood. I cut out the gym from my plans, so I got all the choreography done and I'm able to grasp the assignments that I still have to do before tomorrow.

My prayer is that I am still capable of finishing this Capstone. I'm really unsure of myself and I definitely set myself up for this mess. I don't want this to be an empty half of a unit that I just have to retake next semester. Blech!

Gems:
text bulletins on another's love life
breakfast by Brandy
new conquest (photographed)
rediscovered music
only 4 weeks of CYT remaining

just too antsy to sit still

1st Sunday: A few To-Do's, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I don't see it happening today, but I hope to be able to carry out Adam's suggestion of being still with God for an extended period of time.

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth”
[Psalm 46:10]
I just finished writing up the class notes from when I had the flu, so I can check off two things from the list now. I really hate to make lists when I know they are going to be as long as above, but I couldn't sleep last night until I did.

I'm really enjoying life right now... It's just hard to really hard to maintain that way of thinking when school requirements are clouding my thoughts. I can't wait for these next two weeks to pass by. The relief of a finished Capstone is seeming more unlikely by the minute. I can hardly even keep up with the assignments from my regular classes. It's lame.

“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones”
[Proverbs 16:24]
On the bright side, FloodKids was amazing this morning.
I love seeing their smiling and eager faces and I always get pumped when they are really worshipping along with me! Below is a photo of their kindness strips. They prayed in a Circle of Kindness. I pray that I can gain that sort of clarity about life!

Kindness, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Gems:
my awkwardness
FloodKids
checking off to-do's
kindness
swimming, not sinking

in need of a date, stat!

Day 4: This is my life, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I have been lacking lately...

In spirit, in health, in sanity, in time...


Now don't read into my title & start making assumptions:

I haven't convinced myself that I need a man.

I don't believe that a romantic relationship is necessary.

However, I know that I need to reconnect with God...

And soon.


So I intend to schedule a date with my True Love.

I miss hearing His voice and feeling His love.

And just in time for Valentine's Day.

Perfect.


Gems:
sleeping in
Hula
my Jesus attire
rides home
shows with friends

becoming more undignified

Day 3: Eat Pray Love, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Could I walk around with dust on my knees?
Not just a little, but an obvious and obnoxious amount...
This is not something that would happen always.
Just when I have prayed.
Would I wear the declaration of sought forgiveness?
The declaration of my sinful nature?
How would this outward appearance change my habits?
Would I cease all prayers?
Would I pray more?


"I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor"
[2 Samuel 6:21b-22]

I want that.
I want to humiliate myself in front of everyone...
All for the cause of His holy name!
I want to celebrate before the Lord and His people.

Gems:
free smoothies
gym antics
bathroom photo shoot
no transaction fee
blues dancing

ashes to ashes & dust to dust

Day 2: Go ash yourself., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought"
- Matthew 5:5 (the Message)

I wore ashes last night. And for someone who was so excited about this new chapter and excited to get refocused on the important things... I am pretty dang frazzled. Frustrated. Stressed. Angered. Discontent.

[So in the hope of connecting with God and finding His peace,
I am going to attempt to answer these following questions.]
What consumes my thoughts and plans?
Right now, the Capstone and the classes I'm playing catch-up in. The reason they are consuming my thoughts is because I wasn't diligent enough in my studies from the beginning and I now feel overwhelmed with all that needs to get done and guilty about allowing myself to fall behind.
What holds my dearest allegiance?
Relationships probably. I can't really think of one thing that holds a significantly higher allegiance, so that's the best that I can come up with. The good thing about this is that I cherish the relationships that challenge me to grow the most!
Who or what tells me who I am?
God. I know that I'm nothing without Him and made perfect with Him in my life... I just forget from time to time. I have experienced a closeness with God that surpasses anything else in my life. I miss that time, even though I was suffering more than I could handle on my own. He met me in my suffering.
What gives me security and comfort?
God. There are small things that I might do to feel secure and comfortable, but times like this morning [in the Word] and right now [blogging about God] are the most fulfilling and peaceful.
What makes me feel whole and complete?
God. No matter how much I enjoy swing dancing, or how many people I meet at school, how many kids I teach, or how little I manage to do incorrectly, none of these encompass who I am. Through Him I have found significance, wholeness, and a purpose. Nothing else can begin to compare.
Who meets my deepest needs?
God. I am a single woman, a significant person, and in a relationship that means the world to me. I am infatuated with God and the love He gives me. It would take a divine intervention for me to allow another man into my life.

So I may have lacked in the first few questions, but I feel wonderful after answering the last ones. I love that reflecting on God and His plan for me and my life can bring me back to a fulfilling contentment and peace.
"By the sweat of your face You will eat bread till you return to the ground because from it you were taken; For you are dust and to dust you shall return" (Genesis 3:19).

Gems:
wearing ashes
finding peace
finished homework
theatre class
swing dancing tonight

on the first day of Lent...

Day 1: Candle Light, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

... my true love gave to me...
a day off from going to the gym.

So what do I do with my new-found time?
Try to warm myself by candlelight.

I'm not sure this is going to work... but I'm going to try to take a new every day for the forty days of Lent and use them for my blog. They may be amazing and they quite possibly could be just pure crap. That's the fun mysterious element of the whole thing! Either way, I hope that I'm able to reflect more and be attentive to the words of God during this time.

TV is a nuisance and a distraction and I shouldn't depend on it as much as I do. I have given it up for Lent and I'm not perfect... What's the first thing I did this morning? Turn on the TV and flip for cartoons. I caught myself and turned it off right away, but it's still frustrating that I have such an annoying habit.

Today's Flood Lent devotional talked about identity and the question posed was: What would your six-word memoir be?
My answer: Constantly seeking out God's perfect plan.

I put too much emphasis on the opinions that others have of me.
I've taken great strides to counter this, but I'm still growing.
I know God's love for me is never-ending and most important.
I want to remember that always and I pray this time will encourage it.

I want to run on kairos, not chronos...
["teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" - psalm 90:12]

Gems:
date date date
community group
new projects
true "time" of kairos
philosophical books

i got a secret...

Nenonino & Nenonina, originally uploaded by L y L a.

Don't you just wish you knew...


Gems:
finishing homework
season tickets
crazy drama activities
mutual dislike
unofficial & impromptu

making wallpaper look good

Wallflower 130/365, originally uploaded by jgcf.

Sometimes I just can't bring myself to be social.
Tonight was one of those nights.
I know that a lot of people don't view me as antisocial.
It's not too uncommon for me to feel out of place.
One I get the feeling, it's nearly impossible to shake it!
Either way, it was great seeing so many old faces.
You never realize that you miss someone till they're gone.
Cliche? Maybe, but true none-the-less.

My class went well.
I reviewed the old dances and taught a new one.
Having several kids record the steps on paper will help
... I think.

My plan is to finish my homework tonight.
I want to actually have a relaxed day at school tomorrow.
I am not at all excited about this Capstone project.
I'm hoping it writes itself because I can hardly think about it.

On that note, I decided on everything today.
Although I won't be active, I'm hoping to stay involved!
Oh, and I won't be dancing tomorrow night after all.
Mardi Gras ruins everything...
Well, darn.
I still have Friday!

Gems:
the gym
lunch with the roommate
phone meetings
tea parties
fake engagements

loading up on the trials

day 54: "i can't carry more, Lord", originally uploaded by Jessi Hagood.

I really need prayer this week and anyone can help.
I know that there are important things happening.
I am not sure what I'm supposed to be doing.
I may have overestimated my limits again.
I can't decide half-heartedly about this.
God, I need your help right now.
Lift these burdens from me.
Carry me this week.
Pull me closer.
I want You.
Now!
AMEN.

Gems:
understanding supervisors
a packed room for FloodKids
getting ruined clothes replaced
late-night text conversations
my car heater & Starbucks

he's a dream pup

I *heart* Bruno., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

You just wish you had a dog this beautiful!!

I am down at my parents' house right now, doing laundry and upon my arrival, I was greeted amazingly well by my puppy, Bruno. He loves me and I must say, he looks enormous after playing with the little pip-squeek pup, Hula. Onto load number three of my laundry... I can't believe I have gone so long without doing any of my laundry!!

Gems:
time with the sorority
salsa dancing & hip hop
Monaco
video-cassette players
Bruno's puppy mentality

scholarly love

Stacks, originally uploaded by Nrbelex.

Books:
_{Cleopatra's Nose: Essays on the Unexpected by Daniel J. Boorstin
The Image or What Happened to the American Dream by Daniel J. Boorstin
Giants of Jazz by Studs Terkel
The Great Divide by Studs Terkel
The Recurring Silent Spring by H. Patricia Hynes
Scientists of the Industrial Revolution by J.G. Crowther
Breakthrough: The Saga of Jonas Salk by Richard Carter}

A lot of books, I know... But I got two books by each historian and got a book each for three scientists. I will not be writing about three scientists, but I'm calling the third my backup! Hopefully, the books I got for the historians are exactly what I need, because I don't want to look for more!! So as everyone else is out playing tonight, I plan to begin working my way through the stack, in hopes that this Capstone will write itself! Here's to hoping.

Gems:
productivity
AP time with Susu
alone time in the library
One Year Daily Grind
my health

seeking pure tranquility

tranquility, originally uploaded by Jorge Sato.

So I think my sickness was God's way of forcing me to slow down. I'm stubborn. I'm stuck in my ways. And I'm often very opposed to just stop for even a second. I know it's important to rest, but rest is so hard to schedule in these days. I plan on making that happen... I hope.

Gems:
the amazing force of God
free pass for my absences
clearing my body of sickness
great bands in Aztec Center
going back out to dance!!

as the fever breaks

A New Beginning, originally uploaded by v1shous.

So I woke up this morning feeling a million times better!!
My fever is now gone (I'm at 97.2 degrees).
The muscles in my legs aren't sore.
I was even able to eat today.
Thanks to Corner Bakery!
I also received enough smoothies to last a week today. My dad brought me one this morning and Veronica brought me another with my lunch. I have some amazing friends! Now to get well before Community Group tonight... At least I'm not still sleepy. If only I could stop the need to blow my nose every five seconds!

Gems:
smoothies from Robeks
God's healing power
heathy appetites
family love
amazing friends

death, sweet death

Day 22, January 22rd 2007, originally uploaded by Glimpsing Home.

Still sick.
I'm pretty much dead after today.
My fever is at a temperature of 100.9 degrees.
I had been really excited about going dancing tonight.
I'm sad I can't go now.
Pray for me.


Gems:
caring people
doctor's notes
all-day naps
great friends
still standing... erm... alive

not going to school tomorrow

whatever it takes, originally uploaded by kreativekell.

"I've learned that no matter what happens,
or how bad it seems today,
life does go on,
and it will be better tomorrow."

- Maya Angelou
I'm too weak, too tired, and too ill to post today.
Pray for me.


Gems:
waking up this morning
tea from a self-less friend
getting errands done, finally
making it to teach my class
first ADX meeting of 2008

pounced me like a ninja

Day 94, originally uploaded by kimberly hurst.

"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I’m going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox.
And there’s one more—that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut, my eyes are blue—
It might be instamatic flue.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure that my left leg is broken—
My hips hurt when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb,
I have a silver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is—what?
What’s that? What’s that you say?
You say today is… Saturday?
G’bye, I’m going out to play!"

- Shel Silverstein
TODAY'S HEADLINE: I'm sick!


Gems:
the ability to wake up this morning
getting treated to Starbucks
cleaner car
refilled car tires
office 2008 for my compy

sunday morning rain is falling

09.08.2007, originally uploaded by Femke B..

Keith had a few suggestions for my downpour preparation:
Take cover,
Boil water for hot chocolate,
Create a playlist of songs about rain.

So, I've done the first and third and it's possible that I might do the second one. I am hanging out in my apartment, going through my tunes and scarfing on the pizza I ordered. Yes, I'm so sad that I ordered in. Well, I'm going to get back to my grub and cheer movie.

Gems:
sleeping in
book clearances
hot dog on a stick
27 dresses
Veronica & Lil Sis

get down tonight, bay-bay

Joe & Ronni, originally uploaded by Swifty.

I didn't go to the gym today.

I forgot my transit pass at home.

I sat through my capstone briefing.

But I did go dancing tonight.


Veronica and I burned up the dance floor at Atomic Ballroom. It was a good night of fun, sarcasm, and dancing. I think I can handle this life, as long as I don't have to give up my groove-thang!

Gems:
waking up for Robeks
free trolley ride
Veronica
being remembered
slumber parties

lead... i will follow

Jonny's lead, originally uploaded by lizdance14.

Today was a great day. First day without that ridiculous dance class just started out my good day. The rain tried to ruin my day, but I loved it. My school books definitely factored in to a more difficult afternoon, but still no dice. I should have missed the bus even, but Brandy helped me find the stop just in time! To end my great day in the perfect way, I made the trek out to the Firehouse for amazing conversations, connections, and people. It's days like these that I want to just get down on my knees and praise God!! I'm going to read my Bible and hit the hay.

Gems:
time spent with Nicole
transit travel
groovy dance moves
the pursuit
Godly gentlemen

we go together?

{We Belong Together}, originally uploaded by Adoodi , ™ / At Sealine for 4 days ! ,.

Or do we?

[I am sure I had MANY other things that I intended this blog to be about... I just can't bring myself to write about all of those things that seem so insignificant as school or working out. So, I'm just not going to]

Do you know that he's the one when you meet him? I've always said "no." But I can just imagine that somewhere down the line, God brings you that perfect someone. You meet and can't explain this emotion, a feeling, that is so overwhelming that you are unable to explain it. Now try. Explain it. Explain this thing that you've never experienced before and may not experience ever again. Do you think you'd come up with the right answer? On your own? No guidance. It's up to you to decipher and act upon this amazing phenomena. Go! You'd probably fail, right? I would. So, why should we consider ourselves as the ones deciding and choosing our relationship(s)? We're not good at it. Why not give it over to the One who is perfect, all-knowing, and wonderful? That's all I long for. I pure, Godly, and blessed relationship through Christ. I trust that He will bring it when and if it is time.

Furthermore, if God will bring that man into your life when it is time, why is dating an issue? Why date before you know you're ready for marriage? Rather than spending time, money, and energy on a man that is not going to be your husband, spend it on God. We date because we are thinking of ourselves and what is right for us, but marriage is about unselfishness and thinking about the other person. How can we expect God to take over when we are satisfying our own desires to fill the void and feel better about ourselves?

Instead of dating now, is it possible to wait for God to finish writing the chapter on your singleness? What would that chapter say differently if you lived your life for Him, rather than yourself or man? How do you know when the chapter's over? Yeah, I was thinking the same thing as you. I think God wants us to live a full life through Him and His blessings before that person is revealed to us. How else do we learn to trust and center our lives around Him? Some would never experience His grace if He didn't force them into seeing it. So do I think I'm ready for marriage? Not now. Therefore, should I be seriously dating anyone? No, I want to make this time about God and me. I pray that He smacks me in the head with His Word of there is something that I am missing about His plan for me.

Gems:
expanding my social world
finally purchasing my transit pass
community group antics
yogurt world and all that entails
late late night philosophizing

time for a cool down

Pause, originally uploaded by sjl7678.

So if I consider today's classes as my workout, tonight is going to be my cool down. I know that I always say this, but I'm really looking forward to dancing tonight... I mean, face it, who would be excited to wake up to go to the gym in the morning? I'm not.

I finally convinced the roommate to go out to the Pub.
Veronica is in for Seattle.

Gems:
Robeks for breakfast
time to visit Tommy at the apple store
crazy teachers
crazy awesome teachers
dancing at the Pub

first day back to the gym

current obsession : pilates!!!, originally uploaded by whipsmart.

I was struggling and making fun of Candace as she directed me to each station... It hurt after all, so I got back in the only way I could think of. I said "no" to everything and did it all anyways. Sometimes your body just can't give in to one side. So, it tried to voice my disgust while still getting the needed workout. It was a lot of fun, no matter how creepy that one guy was. Or how awkward it is to run into someone and not want a hug from them due to their sweaty nature.

I feel incredible relieved to have had everything turn out so well at class tonight. The kids were fairly quick at learning the steps and I blindly placed them in the groups they will be performing in. The show should be a blast and I can't wait till I can actually see their progress. They have the choreography for their finale. Next week is the beginning of my small group sessions!! Yeah!

Going swing dancing tomorrow night with Candace, the roommate, my grandma and her husband. I love sharing the experience with people I love. When I dance I feel completely alive!! I am so very thankful that God brought this into my life and I pray that I'm able to bring that joy to as many people as is possible!

"Give this warped world a little taste of heaven on earth by graciously accepting the hand life deals you. In the dense, immoral fog of this generation, shine your life as a beacon, guiding others to the goodness and grace of God. Though this world is polluted, live in spotless purity, uncontaminated by all the garbage around you."
-- Phil. 2:14-15 paraphrased

Gems:
signing up for gym membership
spending time with Candace
choreography taught in one class period!!
helping Brandy with her new compy
still no tv [just hilarious videos on compy]

just lion around

LION here waiting for you, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I WISH... that I was just lying around!! Do you ever just get so bogged down with life that you just want to say, "Done. I'm through. I don't need to keep going. I've had enough."? I kind of have that feeling right now... except I can't say ANY of those things. I couldn't even try if I wanted to. I actually was pretty productive today but, the doomed Capstone keeps looming into the back of my mind! Will I be able to withstand the pressure? Will I even finish? If I finish, will it be at the expense of my much-needed sleep? Will it mess up the plans with ADX? With CYT? With my new work-out? With the basic necessities of eating and bathing? Probably.

God, please just lift this burden from me. Take away the worries, stress, and grief I have shoved into the forefront of my mind. Lift me up and allow me to serve you and fulfill your plan for my life, whatever that may be. Help me be diligent in my studies but stay devoted to You and Our relationship above ALL else! I give this all to you, AMEN.

Next on the Agenda: leadership meeting & 9pm service

Gems:
leading stand-up worship this morning
no tv [instead, a classic movie, Tarzan]
finishing my CYT class playlist
having a song already choreographed!!
first leadership meeting in half an hour

rediscovered love

Julian - apple pie capital of the world, originally uploaded by giladlotan.

So I've been trying to sign on to AIM more often. I'm enjoying the conversations that I had really fallen out of touch with. My attention span still isn't any better, but I'm not much better in person when I'm on my computer. Btw, my new computer is amazing. The extra features are wonderful and I am just so glad to have a computer that doesn't hate me!

Well, I'm going to Julian today with Dan, Lux, and Veronica. Could I be more excited? I think not! Seeing that I have done nothing to get ready and we will be leaving in less than a half an hour, I think I should go to get ready. Spongebob is too enticing... :)

Gems:
late-night IM conversations
waking up feeling rested
morning cartoons [yay, Spongebob!]
cleaning up messes and getting organized
picnic in Julian with amazing people

my love note for someone

LOVE NOTE ♥, originally uploaded by ♥мαяεε'9 . AĻм7вħ♥ ~ [QTR].

♥

I don't know when
And I don't know who
But I'd like you to know
That I'm just for you

♥

I'm learning to love
I'm learning to live
And I hope, real soon
To you, I can give

♥

I know I'm not perfect
And I never will be
But God's helping me out
Till it's you that I see

♥

[dedicated to my future husband]

Gems:
getting much needed sleep
fulfilling my subway craving
time in downtown with Veronica
new locket necklace
legit Christian men

i just want to dance

orlando and tina, originally uploaded by ohtoberich.

... no boys.

If boys come near us, we'll TAZER 'em!!


That's what I thought tonight was going to be about, but Veronica and Lux will not be joining me for dancing tonight. I am just going to go put on my socks and shoes and drive to La Jolla in my hecka messy car all alone. It's alright, I guess. Steven has been making fun of me for the fact that I don't go anywhere alone anymore. I'm proving him wrong... I guess. Look out boys... Here I come!!


Gems:
lunch with Toosie
hanging out with Tommy
fixing up my new computer
the Simpsons movie
discovering iphoto all over again!

speeding on the freeway

95 in a 65.JPG, originally uploaded by tiny goat.

I got pulled over tonight.
I was going 85.
I guessed 90, admitted that I was heading home from a church function, and had an immense amount of trouble finding my insurance.
The second he pulled me over a started crying.
I tried pulling over to the left.
I'm stupid.
I've never been pulled over on the freeway before.
He redirected me to an exit.
He was extremely condescending.
He let me off with a verbal warning.
But it made it perfectly clear that it was not because I was crying, but because I was honest.
I'm frazzled but thankful.
Cops are still lame.

Gems:
spending the day with my dad
new macbook, in black
time spent with the Flood community
no ticket
video chatting

please, no audience today

The audience, originally uploaded by spastic drama nerd.

This show is making me feel a bit anxious. I keep changing my mind about things that I've already told the kids or my aides. Arg. I really hope I decide on the shows soon because these karaoke songs make me feel sick to my stomach.

I think I'll take a break for now and go to get my jeans altered.


"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson


Today's Gems:
left-over angel hair pasta
free alterations
the prospect of my new computer [tomorrow!!]
a new dance scene [tonight]
stealing ideas from Big [you say "biter"... I say "in reverence of"]

grab your fork and knife

Plate Dancer, originally uploaded by FrogMiller.

So, I choreographed the beginning of "Be Our Guest" for my CYT class and tried to teach it to six of the kids today. Bust. This is going to be a very hard performance to put together. I hope the rest of the kids are quick learners. On the bright side, my aide rocks and she taught the rest of the children to sing the lyrics to the song while I worked with the dancers.

I hope to decide on the music tonight and do the choreography this week. I'm pretty excited about it right now. So, since I'm hecka distracted right now, I'm just going to declare this blog finished. I promise my readers a better blog tomorrow. Maybe.

blue bella at ciao bella

Jonny, originally uploaded by CarlSwing.

So I've been away from swing dancing for less than two days and away from Ciao Bella (the last place we danced) for only two hours. Why do I feel the uncontrollable urge to go swing dancing right this very moment?! I'm addicted. I'm hooked. But most of all, I'm in love. With the freedom. And the music. The people. And the way I can express my emotions without saying a single word.

♥♥♥
I especially love that my mood is lifted almost immediately after I begin to dance. I have prayed for the clearing of my mind before but it's hardly long at all before I let everything go and surrender to the music! It's amazing and it makes me so happy. I hope everyone can find an outlet as justifying and uplifting as this is to me and I praise God for this blessing on my life!! God is good.

not alone and not single

Waiting, originally uploaded by Pink Lemonade <3.

I'm in an amazingly wonderful relationship with Jesus Christ, my Savior. And I am not at all willing to make room for another relationship with just any other man. I need a quality man who will pursue a relationship with me and challenge me to grow in my faith once he has me. I need a man who will encourage me and comfort me when I need it most.

But most of all, I don't need a man to be able to live a God-centered life and I don't need him to be encouraged to rise above the obstacles I encounter from day to day. I also don't need a man to be my sole comfort... I have family, sisters, friends, and a God who is alive and moving in my life.

So this is my thank you and my love letter to all of the amazing people in my life! My gratitude and admiration is overflowing for all of you... For putting up with all of my crazy antics and the crazy things in my life!! I love you all very very very much!

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moment, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God!!

i've got the blues, baby

chris randell wannabees, originally uploaded by ohtoberich.

I'm stoked for all of the dancing tonight!

I'm performing Hip Hop for the Fripple Awards,

I may or may not be accepting an award for dancing at Frippleville,

and then I'm off to blues dance at Ciao Bella!!


It's okay if you're not excited because I AM!!!

ba da ba ba ba, i'm lovin' it

Just dancing, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

So my car dislikes me again. She won't let me in the car door without fighting my way through. Come on, Coastkeeper, I just want to drive you... Why can't we just work together and make that happen? Whether you like it or not, I'm going to go to Lowes and copy the key so I don't have to struggle with you anymore. It's final. No rebuttals.

ANYways... I'm totally looking forward to swing dancing again tonight! I will be having dinner with the fam (Taco Salad, woo!), and from there I will be rushing off to La Jolla. I am just glad that I have the time for it again and I hope that I get into better shape, so I can keep up and get better! This is the year... I hope.


Ch-ch-ch-changes.
I'm just trying to embrace them.