4.10.2010

so hard, you'll go numb

tea in the sunlight., originally uploaded by viva la vibs.

It was interesting interacting with the children at the health fair today. I don't know if the families were any different from the people I meet normally, but it kind of bummed me out to see how the children interacted with us at the booth. It got me thinking...

As I looked at them, I wasn't seeing the child and their motives or desires. As I watched the little boy grab at the various freebies, without knowledge or care about the environment, I saw his parents and the things they taught (and failed to teach) over the years. It's sad to me that even the young children don't know about the fragility of their environment and how to keep it safe from further harm.

I know it's a heavy burden to place upon new parents, some of whom did not plan or prepare for such a life, but it is crucial for the upbringing of an aware and well-rounded individual. I hope that the reflection that is seen in my children (someday in the far-away future) is one that I am proud of.

Hey all of you, I love you.
I embrace you with a melody so sweet you'll melt
And a beat so hard, you'll go numb,
I'll do anything to make you go mad.

How 'bout it?

Hey all of you, I'll take you along.
To worlds never seen by anyone before.
Along with our dreams we're wide awake,
But the night's still still still not spoiled yet,
The world's not awake.

I don't care what happens anymore,
So let's just love each other tonight.

Selfish love.
Love me, cause I love you
This is my way of love.
♫ Miyavi

4.09.2010

only one thing in common

I felt horribly unspecial today... I was shunned at the KUSI filming this morning. It was quite uncomfortable and just really unexpected. I don't know if I will agree to help out with another event like that again, unless I go knowing that I have a partner to dance with. *sigh* Oh well...

He was a hard-headed man
He was brutally handsome, and she was terminally pretty
She held him up, and he held her for ransom in the heart
of the cold, cold city
He had a nasty reputation as a cruel dude
They said he was ruthless, they said he was crude
They had one thing in common, they were
good in bed
She'd say, 'Faster, faster. The lights are turnin' red."

Life in the fast lane
Surely make you lose your mind, mm
Are you with me so far?
♫ Eagles

4.08.2010

blow it on a bottle of wine

honey, originally uploaded by Jane Bird.

today

was

one

effing

tiring

day.

i

could

recount

the

ways,

but

it's

just

too

painful.

mer.

Life could be simple but you never fail
To complicate it every single time

You could have children and a wife, a perfect little life
But you blow it on a bottle of wine

Like a baby you're a stubborn child -- what's the matter
Always looking for an axe to grind -- what's the matter
While you're wondering what the hell to do
We were wishing we were lucky like you

Blame it on the girls who know what to do
Blame it on the boys who keep hitting on you
♫ MIKA

4.07.2010

the one who must finish last

winter love, originally uploaded by Jane Bird.

- Work at Byrom-Davey
- Practice with Em
- Dance at the Firehouse
- Home to talk to David

It was a good day and I'm glad that it ended on a high note. I always enjoy hearing your voice, even if it's only for a short amount of time, David. :)

Am I the face of the future?
Am I the face of the past?
Am I the one who must finish last?

Look at me,
And tell me who I am,
Why I am
What I am.

Will I survive?
Who will give a damn,
If no one knows
Who I am?
♫ Jekyll & Hyde

4.06.2010

my heart coming alive again

I got extra work during the day and ran off to go dancing afterward. Drank quite a bit, danced a whole lot, and had an amazing time. I love the nights I end up sleeping on Amanda's couch. She's amazing!!

I've gotta get in step while there's still time left
I'm ready to move out in front
Life without life has no reason or rhyme left
With the rest of them
With the best of them
I wanna hold my head up high

I need got a goal again
I need got a drive again
I wanna feel my heart coming alive again
Before the parade passes by...
Before the parade passes by

I've gotta go and taste Saturday's high life
Before the parade passes by
I've gotta get some life back into my life
I'm ready to move out in front
I've had enough of just passing by life
♫ Carol Channing

4.05.2010

started sweet-talkin' to me

chris and hannah, originally uploaded by p r o m i s e.

I'm apologizing in advance for my anger and mild cursing, but I've just about had it with this damn town and it's horrible blues scene! I cannot believe the things that were taught during his class tonight. It frustrates me to no end that he teaches effing moves, rather than the flippin' basics of partner dancing and connection!! Argh... here are the descriptions for the classes:

JUMP SWING classes will give you the basic tools to dance to fast-tempo swing/rock/jump songs with EASE. In the first 30 mins, we'll cover the Rockabilly/East Coast basics, then in the last 30 mins, we'll learn a fun new turn, spin, dip or lift each week. No prior dance experience is necessary. Class is not progressive, so drop-in at anytime!

SULTRY SWING classes will give you the basic tools to dance to slow-tempo blues/soul/funk songs and make it look SEXY. In the first 30 mins, we'll cover the Slow Swing/Blues basics, then in the last 30 mins, we'll show you how to execute a sultry "Dirty Dancing" move to impress all your friends. No prior dance experience is necessary. Class is not progressive, so drop-in at anytime!


If you can't see the problem, allow me to point it out to you. Both classes are designed specifically for beginners and both have a specific focus on the moves that you will learn in the class. Come on, LIFTS and a SULTRY dance move (specifically for the "Slow Swing" portion).

Why is this bad? First, the Slow Swing was referred to as blues before and during the class, so I rated it as a Blues class. Second, he didn't teach a thing about connection to these beginners. What I believe to be most important in dancing was completely ignored as something they will learn later (if ever). And the excuse? That we probably will never see them again anyway.

WHO CARES?! At least they would be able to really connect with someone and move to the music, if the mood ever struck them in the future. Now, they can only move with the girls who came to the class and learned "how to follow" those specific moves. It makes me sad.

The third, and most heartbreaking thing to me, was how the dancing was promoted to the MEN throughout the class. Leads were always men and I was just acting like a man, since I had joined the leads. The moves that were taught were designed to pull the women closer, so you could connect in a "more romantic way" with them after rocking out to lindy.

The whole class felt like a speed-dating tutorial that would set them up for the rest of the night. I flat out refused to do two of the three moves he taught and I had to correct how the follows moved, with each new girl, since the basic side to side step was taught WAY wrong (he taught an effing STEP-TOUCH!! no, weight-transfer was mentioned AT ALL!!).

I feel like he spit on everything that I consider sacred about the dance and I am reluctant to return. But if I don't, only more will go away thinking as he is telling them about Blues. No wonder they think I'm a lesbian... He's telling them that Blues is all about getting closer to the girl so you can ask for her number!! ARGHH!!

If I want to get close to someone, who might be a good dancer, I do not hit on him while on the floor. The dance floor is a neutral space, of which we need to reinforce so we can trust our partners with our bodies. If we turn it into mating grounds, then the people, who are there simply to dance, would never be able to relax into the Blues music. I'm just dumbfounded... insulted... and tired of living here, when there is so little to nourish my Blues dancing ways.

*sigh*

Bein' good isn't always easy
No matter how hard I try
When he started sweet-talkin' to me
He'd come'n tell me "Everything is all right"
He'd kiss and tell me "Everything is all right"
Can I get away again tonight?


How well I remember
The look that was in his eyes
Stealin' kisses from me on the sly
Takin' time to make time
Tellin' me that he's all mine
Learnin' from each other's knowin'
Lookin' to see how much we've grown...
♫ Joss Stone

4.04.2010

we always do it nice & rough

Sound Unlimited., originally uploaded by k.olsonnn.

For whatever reason, I am overcome with the desire to be back on stage. Singing in the spotlight and dancing in unison to Broadway numbers from Rent and Jekyll & Hyde!

I miss the incomparable feeling that nothing else in the world matters but that one moment in the spotlight, with the stale air moving at each breath, a curl twisting it's way into your eyes, sequins dropping to the floor, and accompanied by the taps and clicks of character shoes. I miss feeling as if my lungs could explode with each extended note held over the thundering music of the band. I miss beginning each competition with aching legs and abs from the last-minute lift rehearsals, only hours before because someone didn't make grades. I miss losing myself in the music and still hitting every note, beat, and dance move.

If I could keep anything from High School, it would be the opportunities brought about by Show Choir. It was inspiring, uplifting, and it made me who I am today. Confident, bold, and eager to share with others, in whatever way I can. To share my thoughts, my voice, my body, and all of myself. I put all of myself into those performances and I would love to give more of myself in the future as well!

Ya know, every now and then
I think you might like to hear something from us
Nice and easy
But theres just one thing
You see we never ever do nothing
Nice and easy
We always do it nice and rough
So were gonna take the beginning of this song
And do it easy
Then were gonna do the finish rough
This is the way we do proud mary

And were rolling, rolling, rolling on the river
Listen to the story

I left a good job in the city
Working for the man every night and day
And I never lost one minute of sleeping
Worrying bout the way things might have been

Big wheel keep on turning
Proud mary keep on burning
And were rolling, rolling
Rolling on the river
♫ Tina Turner

4.03.2010

the twin delineating curves


To be honest, I just really miss you right now.

I could probably sit here long enough to think of something else to say. With more substance. More information. But all of my emotions lead me back to this one phrase.

I miss you.

The Most Beautiful Part of a Man's Body
I think it must be there,
where the torso sits on and, into the hips,
those twin delineating curves,
feminine in grace, girdling the trunk,
guiding the eyes downwards
to their intersection,
the point of pleasure.

Duane Michals

4.02.2010

hrumph.. i don't feel like it

purse, originally uploaded by ohsweetnuthin.

It's very odd... I haven't been in the mood to write lately. It's not that I don't have anything to say... In fact, I have plenty that I would love to share, but I think the added pressure of lyrics and video that I have placed upon myself have proven to be too much.

So I'm not going to worry about it.
Now to go back and fill you in...

:)

4.01.2010

all-night sorting and editing

Sandals, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

What did I do all night last night? Go dancing, as I do every other night? NO! I stayed home and worked on my computer for hours... Sifting through photos, editing where needed, and finally getting them uploaded. I have been wanting to do it for a while, so now, I finally have!

I also stayed up until 5am...

What's up with that?!


*sigh*

3.31.2010

going through withdrawals

Me & Justin, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

The family had a great time out on the town tonight... After work, Dana and I headed down to the Karl Strauss Brewery to meet up with everyone else. Dayna is in town with her boyfriend, so we were able to meet up with the two of them as a group.

The service was really great. The food was delicious, as expected. And I, again, find that I am a complete lightweight. It's a bit of a bummer really, because I am the only one in the family who cannot chug a decent sized beer, without feeling it too hard. I know I hold my hard liquor better than they do, so I guess it's a consolation of some kind. Heh.

Dancing afterwards was great. I got to just loosen up and enjoy myself. I miss being able to blues on a regular basis, but I guess I'll just have to wait until I move for that miracle. Emily is a lot busier lately and the venues are feeling more and more upbeat.

I'm stubborn though. And every chance I get, I drag my Amanda Jessie onto the floor and make her roll her body and swing her hips for me. I'm doing all that I can to stay sane...

Anyone have an extra ticket to Portland or the Bay?
May tenth is too far away!!

3.30.2010

glamorous

Backlit, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I did a photo shoot with Christie today and I absolutely love how it turned out! We had lunch (sister included), she got her make-up done at Mac, we stopped at the Coffee Bean, and then the shooting commenced. It was an all-in-all great day.

After which, I went out and danced in my brand new converse sneakers, drank too much, KILLED my feet, and ended up walking back to my car in socks. It was a great night, but I need to be more careful with the shoes in the future. Now, the drinking? :) It was good.

G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yeah
G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

We flyin' first class up in the sky
We flyin' first class, livin' the life
In the fast lane and I won't change
By the glamorous, ooh, the flossy, flossy

The glamorous, the glamorous, glamorous
By the glamorous, ooh, the flossy, flossy
The glamorous, the glamorous, glamorous
By the glamorous, ooh the flossy, flossy

Wear them gold and diamonds rings, all them things don't mean a thing
Chaperons and limousines, shoppin' for expensive things
I be on the movie screens, magazines and boogie scenes
I'm not clean, I'm not pristine, I'm no queen, I'm no machine
♫ Fergie

3.29.2010

i can see it in those eyes

His eyes, originally uploaded by Eliza[beth] Grace.

I had a wonderful day today, spent with my sister and family. Work moved along at a pleasant pace, we relaxed a bit at her apartment after, drove out to Lestat's for an open mic time slot, went to eat dinner, hung out at Dana'a apartment to practice, and drove back to hang out and finally, perform. The performance went well (a lot better than that run-on sentence that you just suffered your way though) and I was happy to have one of my friends come out as well.

One thing that I found out tonight was just how much brassier my voice is compared to my sister's. It's very odd that I never noticed it before, but it's more apparent when I sing higher notes. Either way, it was fun and instead of singing her music, we both got to sing lead vocals for a song.

The song I led was Lisa Loeb's Sandalwood ("I want to kiss the back of your neck, the top of your spine, where your hair hits, and gnaw on your fingertips..."). I always feel a bit odd singing those kinds of lyrics in front of my parents, but it was a bit more comfortable than usual. Thank goodness. Below is the video from the last time we sang together. I think it was about a year and a half ago. Heh.

I can't help you anymore with this thing that's going on
I can't help you with this thing going on

You got to figure it out yourself, there's a girl you love
I can see it in those eyes, that's the girl you love

I can't help you decide what's going on
I can't help you with this thing called love

Not quite sure how it came about, there's a man I love
He came as a surprise, now he's the man I love
I can't help falling in love with him

And I can't tell you how to do it again
I'm, I'm so in love, I'm so in love...
I'm so in love
♫ Dana Henry

3.28.2010

how we move from A to B?

Day 35: Here's my flair., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I'm quite amused at the moment.

I have spent years despising foods and drinks, based solely on the fact that I didn't like them the day prior. Now, why I didn't like them in the first place, is lost completely, but this year has been a complete turn-around. I've mentioned this before, but today was just too much for me to ignore.

I have never been one to drink beer. I love brewery food and this is what drove my decision to suggest Karl Strauss for lunch this afternoon. I ordered a pint of Scottish Ale and the Big Beer Burger. So in addition to my pint, I also ate food cooked in their Amber Lager, IPA, Woodie Gold, and Red Trolley Ale. To top off the meal, we ordered their "Creme Brewlee," made with an Oatmeal Stout.

Everything was cooked to perfection and I ate enough to last me all day. I may have a tiny snack later, but since I haven't been eating very large portions lately, I'm still feeling plenty full.

Side note, the one pint of beer totally got me tipsy. It was a 6%. It was a bit frustrating to feel that way, while at lunch with my mom and no-booze grandma. Ha.

hands down
i'm too proud for love
but with eyes shut
it's you i'm thinking of
but how we move from A to B?
it can't be up to me
'cause you don't know
eye to eye
thigh to thigh
i let go

ooo-ooo...

and for you i keep my legs apart
and forget about my tainted heart
and i will never ever be the first
to say it
but still i,
yes you know i..i..i..
i would do it,
push a button
pull a trigger,
climb a mountain
jump off a cliff,
'cause you know baby
i love you love you a little bit
i would do it, i would say it
i would mean it, we could do it
it was you and i and if only i..

come here, stay with me
stroke me by the hair
'cause i would give anything, anything
to have you as my man
♫ Lykke Li

3.27.2010

i told you that we could fly

modern girl, originally uploaded by ohsweetnuthin.

I don't know what's been up with me lately...
I've been particularly tired lately,
desperate for more sleep,
eager to curl up on a couch.

Maaaaayyyyyyyyyyyybe,
it has something to do with my lack of sleep at night,
to do with the constant pain in my eyes,
to do with my inconsistent consumption of caffeine.

Whatever the case,
I want a remedy,
a reason to fight for consciousness,
something to keep me going.

Maybe that something's you.

Don't ask me, what you know is true
Don't have to tell you, I love your precious heart

I, I was standing
You were there, two worlds collided
And they could never tear us apart

We could live for a thousand years
But if I hurt you I'd make wine from your tears
I told you that we could fly
'Cause we all have wings but some of us don't know why

I, I was standing
You were there, two worlds collided
And they could never ever tear us apart
♫ INXS

3.26.2010

the honey inside your hive

Bagliore, originally uploaded by macxoom.

Dancing was incredible tonight. Incredibly freeing! Of which, I am glad, since the ride up was a bit odd. I love deep conversations and I am open and willing to talk and share about my life, but really... how many times can I discuss the fact that I am a virgin with any sort of serious tone. It's rare. It's uncharacteristically me. I get it. I do. I just wish I didn't have to discuss it when I'm so unsure of it's place in my life.

Life is what you make of it and I intend to live my life, making the best of what I know and have. I am eager to learn and to grow, but I will not force myself to gauge my progress upon the progress of others. It's time to leave my childish ways behind me. :)

Now, I've said this before, but more than ever, please, believe me when I say that you must watch the video linked under the lyrics... It does have profanity, so you have been warned (I know that is a big concern of yours, David).

You let me violate you
You let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you
You let me complicate you

(Help me)
I broke apart my insides
(Help me)
I've got no soul to sell
(Help me)
The only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself

You can have my isolation
you can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith
you can have my everything

(Help me)
Tear down my reason
(Help me)
It's your sex I can smell
(Help me)
You make me perfect
Help me become somebody else

You get me closer to God
♫ Nine Inch Nails

3.25.2010

things that make you sway

music to my tastebuds..., originally uploaded by ~ geisha ~.

It is incredibly easy to get distracted from the low points and monotony of life, when you dive head-first into your work. I presented to Ramona High School all day on watersheds and the details about water pollution. From there, I went straight up to Encinitas, to teach my second CYT class of the week. It is WAY too far of a drive, but the coordinator is great and the kids are absolutely FANTASTIC!!

I have never been so excited about one group of kids (this is completely fabricated and, quite possibly, an utter lie, but I really do like them!) and I am eager to choreograph a number for them to perform. I am positive that the energy that they possess will speak volumes for any song that I choose. I want to showcase these kids as best I can!

And in your summer dress, was holding you
But you were holding less
It's not the words, it's the ones you stress
I love, as I love you, just don't love me less

And once in a while,
I know our hearts beat out of time.
And once in a while,
I know they'll fall back in line.

And in the summertime,
I don't know if the stars were aligned
We'd stumble onto something we would like
And I'm afraid I lost the words tonight

And when we're middle aged,
You tell me I loved you like a renegade
And how I say the things that make you sway.
And mostly I tell you you did the same.
♫ Rural Alberta Advantage

3.24.2010

i never think before i say

same mistake, originally uploaded by macxoom.

Touch. I crave it and I miss it when I can't have it. Now, more than usual, I'm feeling overwhelmed by the desire to hold a boy's hand, kiss his cheek, draw him in for a warm embrace, drag my nails down his back, twist my fingers through his hair, and lay against his chest, listening to the inhale and exhale of his breath.

I can live without it. I don't need it. But oh, how much I'd love to be able to have it. I guess blues dancing on Friday will just have do, for now... and I hope it helps to some degree. I'm not very hopeful, but it's worth a try. May, please, come quickly!

Sweet pea
What's all this about
Don't get your way all you do is fuss and pout
You're the only reason I keep on coming home

I like the Rock of Gibraltar
I always seem to falter
And the words just get in the way
Oh I know I'm gonna crumble
I'm trying to stay humble
But I never think before I say

Sweet pea
Keeper of my soul
I know sometimes I'm out of control
You're the only reason I keep on coming
♫ Amos Lee

3.23.2010

i'm another part of you, dear

today I became another girl., originally uploaded by rosa joy.

I always find it quite interesting to hear about the lives of my friends. Especially those that are drastically different from mine. The world looks so different through the eyes of another person.

Part of me finds serial monogamy (I will explain it in a moment) to misleading and dangerous, while another part of me so desperately wants to make it okay. I think it's a great thing when you can find someone that you connect with, someone who you can dote over, someone who makes you feel good. What I am talking about, however, is when a person moves from one serious relationship to another, with little, to no, time in between.

No time to recollect, to reconsider, to reflect. It may not seem to be much, but it's what made me who I am today. I spent two-three years single, outside of any traditional relationship. Yes, I may have attempted a few dates, but nothing seemed lasting and therefore, unworthy of my time.

Unworthy of my time. There's another thing that seems so damning to a relationship. It's something that seems unkind to say.. about anything really. Still, it is how I address potential suitors and how I will continue to do so, because it makes sense.

If I were to quickly jump into a new relationship each time I found myself single, I wouldn't exist. All that would exist are the fragments of past relationships, heartbreaks, conquests... oh, an a little of me, I suppose. I probably wouldn't know how much I enjoy writing or dancing or coffee shoppes or relationships with other women. Not that I can't or don't do these things in a relationship, but it was during my single moments that I found them.

My single weeks, single months, single years... Does everyone need this much time to find themselves? Probably not. But why not take it? Bask in it. Bask in all that is and can, one day, be you.

What a difference a day makes
Twenty-four little hours
Brought the sun and the flowers
Where there used to be rain

My yesterday was blue, dear
Today I'm a part of you, dear
My lonely nights are through, dear
Since you said you were mine

What a difference a day makes
There's a rainbow before me
Skies above can't be stormy
Since that moment of bliss, that thrilling kiss

It's heaven when you find romance on your menu
What a difference a day made
And the difference is you
♫ Marisa Lindsay

3.22.2010

i'd be sunlight in your skies

I have stressed out all day over things that didn't deserve that sort of attention. I am done with it. And now, I'm just going to enjoy the feelings that I had to begin with. I'm happy, ecstatic, and far too content with life right now... Granted, in many ways, I am not... I still can't wait to move closer to you, Big, promise! But with what I have now, I can't think of any other way to feel.

If you were a melody
I'd sing you all the time
And if your hands were poetry
I'd memorize every line
And if every look you gave me were
A different hue or shade of color
I'd learn how to paint you

You know I'd try

And if you were words in a story
You'd be in a book that's overdue
That's somewhere hidden in my closet
Looked a million times for you
And if you were just one day
You'd be the very first of May
And I'd be sunlight in your skies

Or at least I'd try
You know I'd try

What are the words, all the words that you're saying
I wish I knew all the prayers that you're praying
Everywhere you go I wish
That I could stand next to you
What are the words, all the words that you're saying
I wish I knew all the prayers that you're praying
Everywhere you go I wish
That I could stand next to you
♫ Jillian Edwards