and His love endures forever

Palm Sunday: Enjoying God's blessings, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

It may not be the most exciting photo, but at the risk of being redundant, I used yesterday's photo of the sunset and my C2:8 shirt for today's shot. Today was a great day and I am just in awe of God's great works.

Current questions to ponder:
What am I doing to thank and praise God?
Is it apparent that I am a follower of the living Christ in my words AND actions?
What can I do to grow more over this last week of Lent?


13 things:
Here's a random bit about myself...

1. I gag any time I bite into an onion.
2. With the exception of one day, I've probably said the F-word less than ten times.
3. I realize that I need a camera, but really don't mind the fact that I use my phone and computer for all of my daily shots.
4. When I ask most of my friends for opinions on choices I must make, they often don't answer with the excuse that I'm just going to do what I want anyways.
5. I have a mild fear of spiders, clowns, dolls, and falling.
6. I might be moving back in with the parentals in a year... just during my year of credential work.
7. I am constantly analyzing myself and the predicaments I find myself in.
8. I am often pained by the thought that I have let someone down... It's agonizing.
9. I have completely turned my life around since I began following Christ. I'm not perfect, but the change is significant!
10. I over-use smileys on the internet... :)
11. Diet coke is a regular part of my diet.
12. I love the color green and trees amaze me.
13. I'm so prone to overextend myself, I need to write in time to just stop and relax.

I wanna go!

Gems:
FloodKids worship
Solana Beach Presbyterian
epiphanies & revelations
Panera Bread antics
Lestat's Coffee House

please, take me the way i am

Day 34: Our Sunset, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Although my morning began with an awful testing experience, I got through it without really freaking out. Granted, I had no sleep last night, so I probably should have been freaking out, but I was alert, my mind receptive, and I expect good things. LoL.

Spent time at home by myself for a while. Spent some time with Candace. Chatted with the Goob... She is the cutest bride-to-be... Can't wait to see her this week (or Terry, for that matter)! But Jonny made my day...

Moothies. View of the Shoe Pavilion. Sunset on my face. Detour. Bread bowl & dried cranberries. Vons. "I love you" mug. Cookies & flat soda. No sleep. Home. Perfect.


Gems:
getting through testing
texts from my Big Sister
Brandy's kid sleepover
a wonderful coffee break
disneyland next weekend

just want to swing right 'round

Day 33: Slow night, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Went dancing.
Hardly any leads.
Makes for a slow night.

Still good.
:)


Gems:
sleeping in
lunch with Nicole
my mommy
dinner with Candace and Jonny
the blues

i'm afraid i just won't wake up

Day 32: Sleepy wants nap, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Bad day.
Horrible day.
Not-so-bad night.

I'll let you know when I'm ready to smile.

Gems:
paper finished
extra time to just relax
finally talking to the teacher
no ticket on my car
cleaning house

out, damn'd spot... out, i say!

31: That unclean feeling, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I can't shake it.
I'm spread too thin.
Trying to live out the convictions of others.
I'm tired and stupid.
I hope she's ok.
I'm still sorry.

Tried to give a homeless woman a ride to a women's shelter. I led us the wrong way and ended up taking her back to where we had started. She wouldn't get out of my car for at least an hour.

Now back to the reflections that seem so meaningless right now.

Gems:
God's grace
brokenness (to be built up again)
Andrew as my co-leader
people that care
late night/early morning calls

blessed by His good fortunes

Fortune Cookie!, originally uploaded by elusive..

So I'm going to change it up a bit. I feel a bit confined when I get prepared to do the blogging because I know I need to include my photo for the day. Well the fact is that I haven't taken today's photo yet. I do know however that I love this photo and will simply add in my day's shot to the end of the blog when I get it uploaded!

I am so excited about the things that God has been revealing to me lately. It's heart-wrenching, overwhelming, and all-together one of the most trying times of my life. However it's also everything that I need to hear and deal with right now. I want God to stretch me and grow me in His ways. It's exciting to hear the clear voice of God again... The clarity that is only shown through real trials. God is my treasure, my love, my fortune.

Day 30: Inner Peace, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Gems:
good feedback for my monologue
finishing my journal
boy
epiphanies
the motivation to go to the gym

i get in many sticky situations

Mosaic Monday: Sticky situations, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

So I have decided that I must learn how to just remain quiet sometimes. However it's only working in the situations that I desperately want to speak up in!

Lame.
I had a wonderful time tonight and I hope that my schoolwork doesn't suffer tremendously... I just want to enjoy these moments. I'll be productive soon. Maybe I'll make a sticky.

Exciting.
That's pretty much the word that will describe this week. Beyond the reflection that I have to do and turn in and the "knoll-like" pile of homework I have been avoiding, this week is pretty promising. Henry's tomorrow, new co-leader wednesday, Firehouse thursday, and (ba da da dahh) Blue Bella on Friday!! I'm pumped to get my blues on. You should be too!

Late.
Time for bed, kiddies. I have a monologue to perform tomorrow morning. Wish me luck! The memorization process is impossible!!

Day 29: Don't forget..., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Gems:
monologue work
complete disregard for schoolwork
the CYT performance
dinner with the roomies
chats by the pond :)

i'm confessing my shame to You

I don't know, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

God is amazing. Tonight was amazing. My friends are amazing. I am starting to feel more amazing. My growth is amazing. And I only hope to spread these feelings that are so amazing!

I awoke.
I served.
I relaxed.
I listened.
I received.
I confessed.
I reflected.
I am loved.

And God is good.

5th Sunday: John 3:16, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Gems:
extra daylight
witnessing creativity
time with Candace
sharing my life
clarity

got milk? no, i have caffeine!

Day 28: Does a body good!, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

You just wish you were this sleep deprived.
Happy Daylight Savings Time, everyone!!

Gems:
sleeping in for forever
time with the Big
seeing Nicole
having the time to cool down
Ryan's going-away party

the day that never stopped

Day 27: Cuz we don't need a man, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

It was a great day. A long day... but a great day. I had no time to blog yesterday so I'm changing the date to be yesterday! Spent time with Jonny. Ended up at Borders and Candace met me there. Ate dinner with Candace and off to the sorority revealing. My Lil Sis is a big sis and I'm a Grand Big!! After that excitement, I made it over to Keith's place for a nice little bonfire. It was a great night of laughs and conversations and I didn't go to sleep until 7:45am. Therefore I slept through the Bridal Showers. Bummer. I don't have to be anywhere till 8pm for a play, so I'm going to do homework. So there you have it today's yesterday post under yesterday's date.

Gems:
Jonny
Candace
Lil Sis, Grand Lil, and Big
Daniel
Keith

let's talk about sex, baby

Day 26: I'm talking about realSEX, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).

- Take some time and write down the desires of your heart.
- Where do you see God fulfilling these desires?
- Which desires seem unfulfilled?
- Think of a time you truly and deeply desired something. How did it affect your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions?
- Have you ever pursued God in the same way?
- How might you ‘delight yourself’ in the Lord today?

"'Everything is permissible for me'—but not everything is beneficial” (Corinthians 6:23):

- What in your life is not beneficial?
- What "good" things in your life may not be beneficial at this time?
- What is something you can give up in order to open yourself up to God?
- What is your plan to do this?
- Who are you going to invite into this process?

God wills our deepest desires fulfilled.

There is no hide and seek here. God wants us completely satisfied.

However, as Dr. Jim Smith III often says, “This is simple, but not easy.” Bummer!

The honest person then asks, “Why can’t it be easy? If God wants me, and I’m made to want God, then why all the drama?”

C.S. Lewis once said, “…it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

- Which of these is your biggest obstacle to true fulfillment: drink, sex, ambition?
- How are these counterfeits to infinite joy?

Take out your calendar:
- Make a date with God.
- Go on a field trip (maybe even “a holiday at the sea”) and rediscover your first love.

[writings above are courtesy of Scott Wildey: here and here]


Gems:
randomness of monologues
clearing the air with teachers
using photoshop
reading for pleasure
swing dancing tonight

when you cross the street...

Day 25: Two of a kind, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

... take my hand.


Veronica came over today.
It was really nice to just hang out and chat.
I got up before 10, because I just couldn't stay asleep.
I took both quizzes and did laundry.
I have NOT started my math homework or done reflections.
But I can prepare for community group right now!

LoL.


A thought for me to remember for moments like this weekend:
"Drunkenness -- that fierce rage for the slow, sure poison, that oversteps every other consideration; that casts aside wife, children, friends, happiness, and station; and hurries its victims madly on to degradation and death." -- Charles Dickens, Sketches by Boz


Gems:
fun
diligence
love
happiness
peace

it is the window to my soul

Day 24: An eye for an eye, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately... and frankly, I'm tired. I am sick of analyzing myself and it pains me to know that it's in my nature to do so.

Maybe if I just got ahead in some things and put my life back into order, I wouldn't have this overwhelming feeling of discontent at so many random times. I'm sure a lot of these worries are preventable, so here's the plan for tomorrow:

♥ get up by 10am and start reading the quiz materials
♥ take quiz before noon (& the reposted quiz?)
♥ do laundry (probably at the apartment for once)
♥ do math homework (& old ones?)
♥ start my reflections for LS 498
♥ prepare for community group

I'll let you know how I do.


Gems:
feeling fairly prepared for the midterm
going over my monologue
extended date night with Candace
pretending to lead
dances with Jonny and Noah

i don't want to make you sway

Day 23: Do you love your jeans?, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

About 5 months ago, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror... Nothing fit and I was unable to overcome my frustration until I went out and bought new jeans. I think I got about 3 pairs... Two of which were too big and one that fit really well.

Now, I am not great about working out... I've had a membership to the ARC gym for a month now and I've only been 4 times... total! However I am just taking notice of my cravings and dancing a whole lot more. I have a long way to go to get "fit," but I'm feeling good.

These jeans were not just purchased and wearing them again makes me feel a sense of accomplishment. Loving every part of my body is hard, but I strive to get to that point!



Now I am off to Robeks for lunch and to Borders to pick up a book I should have already read. Don't you just love the emotional rollercoaster that IS my blog?!


Gems:
late-night conversations
overcoming the "trench"
forgetting about the gym
still feeling fit without it
the prospect of a smoothie

looking for the breaking light

4th Sunday: Let it go from here, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Are they calling for our last dance?

I see it in your eyes.

In your eyes.

Same old moves for a new romance.

I could use the same old lies, but I'll sing,

Shine on

Just, shine on!

Close your eyes and they'll all be gone.


Gems:
time with mom
random growth
Veronica
caring friends
my Bible

how'd frankie & johnny become sweethearts?

Day 22: Frankie and Johnny, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I was out all day celebrating birthdays.
Happy Birthday, Jonny & Sam!
I'll just let today's gems speak for me!


Gems:
late-night bonfire and sleeping in
brunch with the boys
spa time
mobile birthday parties
awesome dances with the birthday boy

thinking of Him and him

Day 21: Mold me into a Godly wife, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I have my Bible open to Proverbs 31, just trying to keep my life on track with God's plan for me. God has put a yearning in my heart for a husband and instead of dwelling on possibilities, I want to focus my energy on growing into a woman worthy of the amazing husband God will bring, in His own time.

"Somewhere . . .
In heaven
There is a place . . .
Waiting for you and me

He made a promise
Gave every drop of blood
Died on the cross
so we'd be free.

Oh Oh Oh Oh

Somewhere, Somewhere . . .
In Heaven
There's a place . . .
Waiting, waiting for you and me."

- Santana
Gems:
following the perfect lead
sleeping in
my Africa bag
upgraded RAM
dinner with Hula's mom

i put a spell on you & now...

Day 20: It's still yesterday, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

[I just have THIS song on the brain!]

I have so many amazing people in my life! I feel incredibly blessed and saddened that I don't have more time to just invest in them. I am also incredibly thankful for non-awkward responses to incredibly awkward situations! The day was mediocre, but the night was great!! I got to see my family and then go dancing with Candace! Perfect.

Gems:
monologues & accents
meeting with Lil' D
witty repertoire
carefree dancing
late-night photoshoots

hours later... and still crying

Day 19: Long Day, Part 1, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

It was a long day. I wouldn't be able to think straight right now if I tried. So, I won't. I have two photos from today. Each has a story on it's own and together. As for me, I'll get better. I just need time.

Now, I going to try to just stop and breathe.

Day 19: Long Day, Part 2, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Gems:
getting back to the gym
seeing the Lil
C B "L" V :)
answered prayers
a good friend found amidst chaos

uninspired and unmotivated

Day 18: Lemon face, Lion face, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I would love to be as clever as I was yesterday... with a photo, blog, and lyrics that all emphasize and articulate perfectly. Alas, today just is not one of those days. I suppose I'm just a bit more tired than usual, but I'd rather focus on getting this write-up done, surviving my next class, and making it home for a shower before I go out dancing tonight.

I do however love this shirt in the picture and how the colors turned out. That is something to be appreciative of, I guess. Well, back to my review... Kiss kiss.

Gems:
sleeping through drunk-dials
today's theatre performance
chips, salsa, & margaritas!
skipping class w/o regret
a night out with my love (I've missed her)

captain backfire, present and reporting for duty

Day 17: My stupid mouth., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I do it all the time... More so recently than ever before.
My words just run away from me.
Word vomit.
It's overwhelming to say the least.
I don't think I've ever had to justify myself
... as much as I have in the past month!
It's a part of my growth, I suppose.

_{[no edit on the photo other than a minor crop and contrast and exposure adjustment... that's the first I can claim that!!]}

<sup>My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again
To a date over dinner yesterday
And I could see
She was offended
She said "well anyway..."
Just dying for a subject change

Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said, "Think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one soon

We bit our lips
She looked out the window
Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
I played a quick game of chess
With the salt and pepper shaker
And I could see clearly
An indelible line was drawn
Between what was good,
What JUST slipped out, and what went wrong

Oh, the way she feels about me has changed
Thanks for playing, try again.
How could I forget?
Mama said, "Think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one

I'm never speaking up again
it only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
than she desert me

Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now... Starting now


One more thing
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But it's all because of this desire
I just wanna be liked
I just wanna be funny
Looks like the jokes on me
So call me captain backfire

Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said, "Think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one

I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me

oh I'm never speaking up again
I'm never speaking up again
I'm never speaking up again
Starting now, starting now...</sup>

Gems:
seeing my Big
coffee house meetings
choreographing kids
annoyingly funny phone settings
finally making a run to Vons

don't worry, i found the love

3rd Sunday: The best part of waking up..., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

... at the bottom of my coffee mug.

I wanted to try out the four-shot feature of my Photo Booth and I'm really happy with the way it turned out... People on flickr might not, but at least I'm content with my finished work.

Today was just an all-around good day. I can't say why it was so good... Just that it was good. The kids were great. Lunch with my Love was fantastic. And then I got to chill out at my apartment until my Love picks me up for church. Being done with that paper is awesome!!


It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin' in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on
Where's the truth, y'all, come on
Where's the love, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
I'm looking forward to the coming week...
I haven't a clue to what may be in store, but I can't wait to find out!

Gems:
hearing myself think
time with Candace
cuddling with the sleep-machine
eating pasta noodles
the lure of the Starbucks mug

can i see YOUR guarded heart?

Day 16: Guard your heart., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

This heart has no key...

SO HOW DO I KEEP IT LOCKED?!

I'm trying every method I can think of...

I WILL find a way to keep it guarded.

But still...
"If you were falling, then I would catch you..."


I had a fantastic night last night... I cannot explain how much I needed the rest that I found in relaxing. I hit up the spa and got In 'N' Out shakes and fries with Jonny. We just spent a lot of time talking and listening to good music. Always a good combination.

<sup>"Do you have the key to unlock my heart?
Do you know you've already made a start?

Could you make me laugh more than cry?
Could you make my heart soar, my spirits fly?

My head screams, walk away!
But something inside tells me, no stay!

Have I got the strength? I can but try.
I want to know more, but I don't know why.

Do I take the chance? Can I let you see?
Dare I let my guard down and show you the real me? "</sup>
So what do I do today? After waking up late, I went to Starbucks for a pasta lunch and then to a Battle of the Bands with Jeanele and the crew. We got back around 3:30, so I went back to the apartment, changed, and took the puppy with me to the spa. It was really nice. At 5:30 or so, I went out with Veronica and Brandy to Sammy's for dinner. I always enjoy a Girls Night!

... looking forward to another.

Gems:
reconciling with the water
text messages
time spent with my lady friends
my new mug
ingrid michaelson songs

just lovers of loving love

Day 15: Are You there, God?, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

"You can throw the whole weight of your anxieties
upon Him, for you are His person concern."
-- 1 Peter 5:7
So now that I'm done with my paper, it has become extremely difficult for me to avoid watching TV. I knew that I couldn't and shouldn't before, when I had to write the Capstone... but now, I haven't any immediate obligations and with this newly found time, I'm forced to hide in my room. Why go to the extreme of hiding in my room? Well it's the only room in the house, other than the kitchen and bathrooms without a TV. At this point, I am pretty sure my dreams often follow TV show plot lines and involve the characters from King of Queens.


Yeah... so my mom called me today. It was a very interesting conversation we had as well. After talking for about ten minutes about as much as we could, my mom throws in another question:

"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Um... Who told you that?"
"Well, do you?"
"Did someone tell you that I did?"
"I was having lunch with Dana (my sister) and she asked me if I knew... So, do you?"
"No, Mom."
"Oh... [long pause] ... but you'll tell me when you do?"
"Yes, Mom"
"Okay good. Well, I hope to see you this weekend!"


I love you too, Mom.
Gems:
finished with the Capstone
roommate love
fighting with the puppy
phoning home
a night on the town

i don't want to talk about it

Day 14: All-nighter #2 this week, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

no, really, i don't.


Gems:
Lestat's
time with Candace
capstone will be turned in at 1:45 (class at 2)
understanding teachers
still living

he's a short-term pessimist, long-term optimist

Day 13: A good book, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I hate this paper that I am being forced to write, but as soon as it's done, I'm actually looking forward to reading the books by Daniel Boorstin. He has an insight that is just really intriguing...

Rachel Carson was an awesome person to learn about as well. I might pick up her book, the Silent Spring, someday as well. She offers the same message of the Lorax in poetic form for adults.

Both Authors are extremely taboo is several ways and I just love that you can sense their passion through their writing. I pray that my passion for God and His plan comes through my writing as well... Maybe not in this paper, but at least here. :)

Who knew I could actually get something out of this dang project?!

Gems:
my "nap" last night
going to sleep anyways
my accidental nap this morning
motivation to finish everything
morning with the roommate

burning the [5 am] oil

Day 12: Burning the..., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Yes, it's early morning and I am not only still awake, but I do not intend on sleeping at all. I paused to take my photo for the day just because I can't remember the last all-nighter I had to do!! The idea came to me and I just ran with it.

For those that were wondering how far along I am, I am halfway through the second essay BECAUSE I had to stop and actually do the homework for today. I finished my math homework, have another two sentences for my history analysis, and then I have to evaluate a classmate. Lame. I'm currently decided whether I should just do all the homework for today and thursday tonight, so I can't focus solely on the Capstone. Either way, it's lame.

And I am the absolute worst at maintaining focus.

"Your biggest distraction in worship is yourself--your interests and your worries over what others think about you."
God, please help me to remember this the next time I stand awkwardly with one hand raised and the other on the chair in front of me, as I scan the room inconspicuously. I'm there to worship You and nothing anyone else is doing should have an influence on my worship for You. I am not the one "getting something out of the worship." I'm the one giving! I lift all this up to You, God. Amen.


_{[THINGS TO REMEMBER TODAY]
-- Buy Ink & Report cover
-- Don't die!}



Gems:
nostalgic of sophomore year
joy from teaching
peaceful with the puppy
goofiness in general
thankful for the phone call

if i were a drinker...

Day 11: Permanent residence?, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

... I'd be all kinds of wasted right now.

So I've heard of having a monkey on your back, but a puppy?
She's getting seriously ridiculous.
As my sole source of amusement for the weekend, Hula has been amazing... I just don't think I can stand it here any longer. If I don't finish the papers today, I don't know WHAT I'll do!! I should be editing by now. Lame.

Gems:
late night research
ambiguity
warm puppy snuggles
sub sandwiches
the prospect of finishing

like a lightbulb in a dark room

2nd Sunday: Extra weight, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I'm hoping I can get the first essay done soon and move onto the second. I'd be stoked if I could finish both by today. The third should be easier, so I'm praying for the focus I need.


... just sittin' here waiting for you...


Gems:
our unspoken love
an understanding boss
my mom's voice
snuggling with the puppy
a clean fish bowl

wanting to play, wordplay just doesn't satisfy

Day 10: Wordplay, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Even though I stuck to yesterdays list, I still didn't get much done... So after I blog this, I am cutting flickr and blogger out as well. I would say that I'm being extreme, but the reality is this I'm ridiculous and therefore require ridiculous restrictions! So this is farewell. I can't come out and play today

^{Updated:
No TV.
No movies.
No online videos.
No facebook.
No myspace.
No AIM.
AND no flickr.}

Gems:
actually starting the paper
Brandy's dancing
airport text messaging
yesterday's daydreaming
today's diligence.

on my very best behavior

Day 9: Bound to be a while..., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I'm on lock down today.

No TV.
No movies.
No online videos.
No facebook.
No myspace.

I have a 12-15 page paper to write by Thursday.
I'm giving myself 2 days to finish it.
If you need me, text me.
Lame.


Gems
Fendi's valentine
a red carnation
lunch with Big
puppy love
validation

my Valentine's gift to you

Day 8: Valentine's on the go, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

[Italia's Keys to Enjoying Valentine's Day Single]
♥ Don't get depressed about it. Don't hate the holiday either because one day you will like it.
♥ Have a candlelight dinner with God.
♥ Make Valentines for your friends and stick them on their desk or in their mailboxes.
♥ Buy yourself a box of chocolates and avoid chick flicks. Try a comedy or even an action movie. Better yet, GIRLS NIGHT OUT!
♥ Go to school; nothing kills a holiday like going to class. So, if you are bummed, actually go to school today.
♥ If all else fails, go to bed early. That way you can sleep away the hearts and sparkles induced nausea.

[My Guide for Significants during Valentine's Day]
♥
Cherish the joys that come with each new stage of life as lovely flowers that bloom in their own season.
♥
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1).
♥
Sometimes, Lord, in my eagerness to rush into the future, I overlook Your daily gifts of love. Help me to slow my pace that I may enjoy the blessings of the present and live each day to its fullest.
♥
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you" (John 14:27).
♥
Those who place today in God's hands need never worry about tomorrow.
♥
I love you, God loves you, and your life has tremendous importance in His plan. Embrace Him and follow His ways, whatever they may be. I pray that you use this day to rededicate your life to Him and ask what it is that you can do for Him today.
♥

Since I literally have no time to stop all day today, above is what I have to offer all of you! It may not be much but I know most of my readers are single and I love to read about God's love on Valentine's Day!! A bit more about my day... I had/have to pick up cupcakes for class before 10am, catch the bus, go to class, go to lunch, finish homework, go to 2 classes, catch a ride with Big Sis, go to the Flood Singles event, and swing dance the night away... All in the rain!

So this is the winning shot of the day.

The cupcakes, raindrops, and quick Bible studies on my laptop. I love it!

Gems:
cupcakes
parking spaces
soothing rain
Flood Singles Night
hugging booths

love is a movement

Day 7: TWLOHA., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I am stuck indoors doing my Capstone for most of the day today, but I still have my TWLOHA gear... The shirt, the L♥VE on my arm, and a sharpie to spread the love. I will tell them they are loved, that they are important, and ask if I can write LOVE on their arm as a symbol of that. I hope others will reach out in the same way to those who need love, those who you often walk right by every day. They need our care.

I struggled with the concept of being lovable and loved myself and I know how hard people are on themselves. Not much effort is necessary, but I believe that this can be life-changing for many if we just make this a priority. God loves us, so we can love others and show them the love of God through our words and actions.

TWLOHA.
To Write Love On Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for those struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

Gems:
feeling fit
the green burrito
feeling loved
time with my love, my God
feeling motivated

all is perfect through God

Day 6: Worn Down, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Today was amazing and I just couldn't help but to feel God's blessings throughout each part of my day! I didn't have to stress over unfinished homework, I had extra time to study, ate free pancakes, and took some phone calls. Then I went dancing at Henry's Pub and I got home after midnight... Sorry for the wait, but it's still yesterday for me. Forgiveness, please.

I know that was short, but I'm tired. The day was just too good!

Gems:
God's grace
run-in's at Starbucks
free pancakes with amazing women
pointlessly loud yelling fits
monopolized dances

not a want, but a need...

Day 5: I'm soaring... flying..., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I'm breaking free!

It's really quite amazing to me how my determination can keep me up all hours of the night. I had several devo times throughout the day yesterday, but didn't have any time to just sit quietly and meditate until around midnight. So I stayed up until 1am, soaking in as much as I could! It was awesome.

I think it just made things better today. Not to embarrass her further, but my fun with Candace last night could only put me in a better mood. I cut out the gym from my plans, so I got all the choreography done and I'm able to grasp the assignments that I still have to do before tomorrow.

My prayer is that I am still capable of finishing this Capstone. I'm really unsure of myself and I definitely set myself up for this mess. I don't want this to be an empty half of a unit that I just have to retake next semester. Blech!

Gems:
text bulletins on another's love life
breakfast by Brandy
new conquest (photographed)
rediscovered music
only 4 weeks of CYT remaining

just too antsy to sit still

1st Sunday: A few To-Do's, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I don't see it happening today, but I hope to be able to carry out Adam's suggestion of being still with God for an extended period of time.

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth”
[Psalm 46:10]
I just finished writing up the class notes from when I had the flu, so I can check off two things from the list now. I really hate to make lists when I know they are going to be as long as above, but I couldn't sleep last night until I did.

I'm really enjoying life right now... It's just hard to really hard to maintain that way of thinking when school requirements are clouding my thoughts. I can't wait for these next two weeks to pass by. The relief of a finished Capstone is seeming more unlikely by the minute. I can hardly even keep up with the assignments from my regular classes. It's lame.

“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones”
[Proverbs 16:24]
On the bright side, FloodKids was amazing this morning.
I love seeing their smiling and eager faces and I always get pumped when they are really worshipping along with me! Below is a photo of their kindness strips. They prayed in a Circle of Kindness. I pray that I can gain that sort of clarity about life!

Kindness, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Gems:
my awkwardness
FloodKids
checking off to-do's
kindness
swimming, not sinking

in need of a date, stat!

Day 4: This is my life, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I have been lacking lately...

In spirit, in health, in sanity, in time...


Now don't read into my title & start making assumptions:

I haven't convinced myself that I need a man.

I don't believe that a romantic relationship is necessary.

However, I know that I need to reconnect with God...

And soon.


So I intend to schedule a date with my True Love.

I miss hearing His voice and feeling His love.

And just in time for Valentine's Day.

Perfect.


Gems:
sleeping in
Hula
my Jesus attire
rides home
shows with friends

becoming more undignified

Day 3: Eat Pray Love, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Could I walk around with dust on my knees?
Not just a little, but an obvious and obnoxious amount...
This is not something that would happen always.
Just when I have prayed.
Would I wear the declaration of sought forgiveness?
The declaration of my sinful nature?
How would this outward appearance change my habits?
Would I cease all prayers?
Would I pray more?


"I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor"
[2 Samuel 6:21b-22]

I want that.
I want to humiliate myself in front of everyone...
All for the cause of His holy name!
I want to celebrate before the Lord and His people.

Gems:
free smoothies
gym antics
bathroom photo shoot
no transaction fee
blues dancing

ashes to ashes & dust to dust

Day 2: Go ash yourself., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought"
- Matthew 5:5 (the Message)

I wore ashes last night. And for someone who was so excited about this new chapter and excited to get refocused on the important things... I am pretty dang frazzled. Frustrated. Stressed. Angered. Discontent.

[So in the hope of connecting with God and finding His peace,
I am going to attempt to answer these following questions.]
What consumes my thoughts and plans?
Right now, the Capstone and the classes I'm playing catch-up in. The reason they are consuming my thoughts is because I wasn't diligent enough in my studies from the beginning and I now feel overwhelmed with all that needs to get done and guilty about allowing myself to fall behind.
What holds my dearest allegiance?
Relationships probably. I can't really think of one thing that holds a significantly higher allegiance, so that's the best that I can come up with. The good thing about this is that I cherish the relationships that challenge me to grow the most!
Who or what tells me who I am?
God. I know that I'm nothing without Him and made perfect with Him in my life... I just forget from time to time. I have experienced a closeness with God that surpasses anything else in my life. I miss that time, even though I was suffering more than I could handle on my own. He met me in my suffering.
What gives me security and comfort?
God. There are small things that I might do to feel secure and comfortable, but times like this morning [in the Word] and right now [blogging about God] are the most fulfilling and peaceful.
What makes me feel whole and complete?
God. No matter how much I enjoy swing dancing, or how many people I meet at school, how many kids I teach, or how little I manage to do incorrectly, none of these encompass who I am. Through Him I have found significance, wholeness, and a purpose. Nothing else can begin to compare.
Who meets my deepest needs?
God. I am a single woman, a significant person, and in a relationship that means the world to me. I am infatuated with God and the love He gives me. It would take a divine intervention for me to allow another man into my life.

So I may have lacked in the first few questions, but I feel wonderful after answering the last ones. I love that reflecting on God and His plan for me and my life can bring me back to a fulfilling contentment and peace.
"By the sweat of your face You will eat bread till you return to the ground because from it you were taken; For you are dust and to dust you shall return" (Genesis 3:19).

Gems:
wearing ashes
finding peace
finished homework
theatre class
swing dancing tonight

on the first day of Lent...

Day 1: Candle Light, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

... my true love gave to me...
a day off from going to the gym.

So what do I do with my new-found time?
Try to warm myself by candlelight.

I'm not sure this is going to work... but I'm going to try to take a new every day for the forty days of Lent and use them for my blog. They may be amazing and they quite possibly could be just pure crap. That's the fun mysterious element of the whole thing! Either way, I hope that I'm able to reflect more and be attentive to the words of God during this time.

TV is a nuisance and a distraction and I shouldn't depend on it as much as I do. I have given it up for Lent and I'm not perfect... What's the first thing I did this morning? Turn on the TV and flip for cartoons. I caught myself and turned it off right away, but it's still frustrating that I have such an annoying habit.

Today's Flood Lent devotional talked about identity and the question posed was: What would your six-word memoir be?
My answer: Constantly seeking out God's perfect plan.

I put too much emphasis on the opinions that others have of me.
I've taken great strides to counter this, but I'm still growing.
I know God's love for me is never-ending and most important.
I want to remember that always and I pray this time will encourage it.

I want to run on kairos, not chronos...
["teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" - psalm 90:12]

Gems:
date date date
community group
new projects
true "time" of kairos
philosophical books

i got a secret...

Nenonino & Nenonina, originally uploaded by L y L a.

Don't you just wish you knew...


Gems:
finishing homework
season tickets
crazy drama activities
mutual dislike
unofficial & impromptu

making wallpaper look good

Wallflower 130/365, originally uploaded by jgcf.

Sometimes I just can't bring myself to be social.
Tonight was one of those nights.
I know that a lot of people don't view me as antisocial.
It's not too uncommon for me to feel out of place.
One I get the feeling, it's nearly impossible to shake it!
Either way, it was great seeing so many old faces.
You never realize that you miss someone till they're gone.
Cliche? Maybe, but true none-the-less.

My class went well.
I reviewed the old dances and taught a new one.
Having several kids record the steps on paper will help
... I think.

My plan is to finish my homework tonight.
I want to actually have a relaxed day at school tomorrow.
I am not at all excited about this Capstone project.
I'm hoping it writes itself because I can hardly think about it.

On that note, I decided on everything today.
Although I won't be active, I'm hoping to stay involved!
Oh, and I won't be dancing tomorrow night after all.
Mardi Gras ruins everything...
Well, darn.
I still have Friday!

Gems:
the gym
lunch with the roommate
phone meetings
tea parties
fake engagements

loading up on the trials

day 54: "i can't carry more, Lord", originally uploaded by Jessi Hagood.

I really need prayer this week and anyone can help.
I know that there are important things happening.
I am not sure what I'm supposed to be doing.
I may have overestimated my limits again.
I can't decide half-heartedly about this.
God, I need your help right now.
Lift these burdens from me.
Carry me this week.
Pull me closer.
I want You.
Now!
AMEN.

Gems:
understanding supervisors
a packed room for FloodKids
getting ruined clothes replaced
late-night text conversations
my car heater & Starbucks

he's a dream pup

I *heart* Bruno., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

You just wish you had a dog this beautiful!!

I am down at my parents' house right now, doing laundry and upon my arrival, I was greeted amazingly well by my puppy, Bruno. He loves me and I must say, he looks enormous after playing with the little pip-squeek pup, Hula. Onto load number three of my laundry... I can't believe I have gone so long without doing any of my laundry!!

Gems:
time with the sorority
salsa dancing & hip hop
Monaco
video-cassette players
Bruno's puppy mentality

scholarly love

Stacks, originally uploaded by Nrbelex.

Books:
_{Cleopatra's Nose: Essays on the Unexpected by Daniel J. Boorstin
The Image or What Happened to the American Dream by Daniel J. Boorstin
Giants of Jazz by Studs Terkel
The Great Divide by Studs Terkel
The Recurring Silent Spring by H. Patricia Hynes
Scientists of the Industrial Revolution by J.G. Crowther
Breakthrough: The Saga of Jonas Salk by Richard Carter}

A lot of books, I know... But I got two books by each historian and got a book each for three scientists. I will not be writing about three scientists, but I'm calling the third my backup! Hopefully, the books I got for the historians are exactly what I need, because I don't want to look for more!! So as everyone else is out playing tonight, I plan to begin working my way through the stack, in hopes that this Capstone will write itself! Here's to hoping.

Gems:
productivity
AP time with Susu
alone time in the library
One Year Daily Grind
my health