the sweetest bliss of summer

sweet summer bliss, originally uploaded by elisabethsarah.

I'm in an amazingly wonderful relationship with Jesus Christ, my Savior. And I am not at all willing to make room for another relationship with just any other man. I need a quality man who will pursue a relationship with me and challenge me to grow in my faith once he has me. I need a man who will encourage me and comfort me when I need it most.

But most of all, I don't need a man to be able to live a God-centered life and I don't need him to be encouraged to rise above the obstacles I encounter from day to day. I also don't need a man to be my sole comfort... I have family, sisters, friends, and a God who is alive and moving in my life.

So this is my thank you and my love letter to all of the amazing people in my life! My gratitude and admiration is overflowing for all of you... For putting up with all of my crazy antics and the crazy things in my life!! I love you all very very very much!

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moment, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God!!

[ Taken from my January 12th blog ]

Gems:
last night!!
reassessing
recommitting
text messages
last day of freedom

help! look inside... i'm trapped!

Day 293, originally uploaded by {damnittoby}.

My blogs.
My music.
My poetry.
My photos.
My writings.
My calendar.
My connections.

It's not that my computer is my life. But my life is contained by this computer. Could I live without it? Sure. Would I want to? Not unless God required it of me. That's not bad... Is it?


Gems:
lazy sunday
FloodKids
"Awesome!!"
old movies
clunky technology of ol'

my open hands open my heart

(210) Open heart, open hands., originally uploaded by Sarajea.

Have you ever realized how the connection between two people grows immensely with a simple touch? A brush of the arm... A fumbling foot... Reaching for the same thing...

It gets me wondering about my relationship with God and how much stronger it could be with His simple touch, soft caress, or strong embrace... But I still believe that we can feel Him in other ways... Through His children... His creations... His miracles... I want to fall in love with God all over again!


Gems:
the perfect day
the Incredible Hulk
Bennigan's
Sweeney Todd
a bid farewell

horror flicks & trembling hands

[129/366] Happy Friday the 13th, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Although I didn't end up with much as a result, I spent the entire day researching all the different horror films I could think of! My goal was to come up with a costume idea for the night, but after all the hours spent reading magazines, watching the sci-fi channel, surfing wikipedia, and re-watching youtube clips, I had nothing.

Nothing, that is, but the undeniable feeling that someone, or something, was going to attack me... like the killer in Psycho... like the dad in the Shining... like the mean kids in Carrie... like the serial-killer from Nightmare on Elm Street... like Damien from the Omen!!

It's all fun and games until you find yourself halfway through your shower and suddenly very suspicious about your home's security. Even after I got out of the shower, I felt uneasy and nauseous, quite literally! So I scribbled REDRUM on my arm and ran out of my apartment...

I just couldn't take it, okay?!
Just forgive me... for once...
I'll make it up, eventually...
Maybe.

HAPPY FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH!!!


Gems:
breakfast for breakfast
last minute fixes
laundry
creepy research
an amazing night with friends!

there's far too much filth 'round

Memoirs of a Woman of Leisure (II), originally uploaded by Miss Aniela.

I have a MOUNTAIN of dirty laundry and I'm in need of more socks and jeans. So what am I up to? I fully intend to go to the mall and buy the things I need, as well as a new shirt to wear simply because I don't want to wash my clothes today. LoL. It's genius, right?


Gems:
gentlemen
Strutters' Ball
talks with Liz
late nights
shopping

so i just ate pizza instead

Yum! :-9, originally uploaded by yoshiko314.

Operation breakfast-for-dinner has been cancelled.
Instead Big will be making breakfast for breakfast on friday.
I can't wait.

New jeans needed.
Mall excursion to be planned soon.
My current jeans are dying.

Swing dancing tonight.
Carpooling up to Orange County.
I love being a swing junkie!


Gems:
last minute dancing
sleeping past noon
eating groceries
time with my Big Sis
carpooling tonight

someday my prince will come

Bride & Groom, originally uploaded by Kristen Anna.

It's true.
I believe it.

Lauren's wedding was beautiful.
I'm still reeling!

I look forward to the future & my fairy tale.
In the meantime, I'm growing.


Gems:
direct deposit
lunch with Ashley
new iphones
time with Tommy
swing dancing

shopped & rose from the drop

Price Cut, originally uploaded by Ann LT.

I finally went grocery shopping for the first time in MONTHS!! It was freaking fantastic and I'm not even sure why. I cried extensively last night (for an added time over a smoothie that fell on my way inside of my apartment complex... after only drinking a few sips) and I desperately needed to sleep off the frustrations.

So that's what I did. I slept and slept and slept. Then I watched some Greek, went grocery shopping, and watched some more Greek. I saved $22.62 and spent $96.94. Did I need everything that I bought, probably not, but I loved every second of it!!

I will continue to watch more of the Greek marathon and then miss the season finale to go dancing in PB tonight. I could get used to this Swing Huddle thing. I will be sure to write tomorrow... I so missed my time with Compy. Till then...


Gems:
sleep
wedding photos
flickr
grocery shopping
Greek

best to worst in a minute flat

Speeding car, originally uploaded by Major Dude.

So I got pulled over for speeding just as we were getting home from Fresno. I had a bad feeling the whole day and wasn't really comfortable speeding as I was on Wednesday... Candace had to pee, we were almost home, and I had already been driving for FIVE HOURS... Come on!! Whatevs... My eyes are raw from crying. I just want to sleep!

Sorry for the late posts.
I didn't have internet.


Gems:
productive morning
alone time
fountains
the crossword
the French bakery

the bride is my best friend

The Bride, my Best Friend, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

And she looked beautiful...
She's sleeping with a BOY!!!


Gems:
smoothies
hair appointments
the mint boy
my dad can dance!
THE FIRST KISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rehearsals make perfect

[122/366] The Rehearsal, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

We spent most of the day prepping for the wedding.
A little time was spent on the rehearsal itself.
And dinner was interesting...


Gems:
Jessica
Rea
Dana
Dayna
Candace

and the word on the street is...

almost married, originally uploaded by becaboo.

Lauren is getting married this Saturday. That's in TWO days, people! Pretty exciting, I know. Tonight is the Hen Party and I expect only wonderful things!! A little drama thus far, but we handled it and I'm still sane. Maybe a nap is in order. I love you all and I'd love to update you, but I should get a move on. I will be sure to write a little each day and I'll just have to catch you up on the details after it is all done!


Gems:
Chile's specialties
sleeping in
Albacore tuna
tonight's Hen Party
chubby bunny

time for road trip fresnooooooo

while driving, originally uploaded by caterpillars.

Alright, again, I find myself with very little time for this blog. I love you guys, but I need to get ready to leave to Fresno. Car rides are the best, right?! They had better be. I have to drive for 6 or 7 hours with 3 other girls on my way to Fresno for Lauren's wedding. It will be amazing!


Gems:
dancing at Henry's
stalling from everything
remembering to blog
crazy Hula
morning coffee

my car is the happiest ever

The Happymobile, originally uploaded by arcticllama.

My car went in to the shop about two and a half weeks ago and got all the necessary fixes and tune-ups. Today I took it to Discount Tire Co. and got the worn down tires replaced. It's a bit of a bummer that the car is pretty dirty, seeing that I just got it washed not too long ago, but the inside is still looking great! So the Coastkeeper is ready for the drive up to Fresno.

All I have to do now is clear out the trunk, pack, and possibly shop for a few things at the grocery store. Lauren's Hen Party will be a blast and the wedding will be amazing. As nervous as I am, I am even more excited for her in this new step of life. She means the world to me and I only want to see her happy! :)


Gems:
great new dance venue
my alarm's snooze button
new tires for the Coastkeeper
last chance to dance for a week
4 more days until the wedding

i just have no time anymore

Clock Tower in Paris, originally uploaded by ZillaPhotography.com.

I had the whole day free and now I have no time for anything!
Oh well.
I'll write more tomorrow.


Gems:
have the day off... almost
Starbucks
getting the Hen party sorted
See's candy
the possibility of dancing

dreams of white picket fences

White Picket Fence, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

It was really great seeing all of the families worshipping together at Frippleville tonight. It was the last night of the school year, so we will be on break for a few months. Although it does seem to be a bit of a hassle at times, I really love volunteering as a dancer. The families are just so adorable... I look forward to the day that I have a family to look after.

And yes, I want the house with the white picket fence, a flower garden, at least one pet for the family, and a yard to play in. If that means a smaller wedding, less extra parties, and fewer people attending my wedding, then so be it. Our life after the wedding is what is most important.

It's late. I'm tired. Rant over.


Gems:
FloodKids
video lessons
Borders for hours
Hen Party plans
Frippleville

i'm sick of these restless nights

stop ;;;;;;;;;;, originally uploaded by caterpillars.

I can't seem to get comfortable. I am SO thankful for all of the help that my sister and the other Dayna have offered me in regards to the Hen Party. Life is manageable, so I guess that's what is the most important really. Lauren's party will be great and the wedding will be amazing. My best friend is almost married. How weird is that?!

p.s. If you have never seen the movies Scooby Doo and Scooby Doo 2, it's worth a watch from the comic, costume, and lighting aspect. I'm absolutely LOVING the costume colors. Each scene has just that much more life when each character shows its life through only one color!

Today's festivities drained me completely... and we don't even have the kids with us yet. Man, this will be another tough summer. I'm pumped though. I'm ready for the challenges that lie ahead. Hopefully, I'll get more sleep and relax a bit before though.
News that made me smile: Finding out that I don't have to take a break from my campers at all. I get to take my half-hour after my kids go home. YAY!!


Gems:
crazy nights
rides to work
YELLOW PRIDE!!
work friends
maid-of-honor duties

waking up to a morning treat

cinnamon, originally uploaded by elisabethsarah.

I realize that I have had serious problems when it comes to socializing lately, but I really don't appreciate it when people avoid confrontation because they are uncomfortable. If not talking about things worked, then blow-ups would never happen. Instead of holding things in or writing "discrete" messages for that person to see much later, just TALK. Talk about what is bugging you. Talk about what makes you uncomfortable. Of course that person might be hurt and a bit defensive at first, but in the long run, it's the only way two people can maintain a functioning relationship.

Alright, venting over. I feel incredibly blessed to have so much time to spend with Big Sis. I watch annoying shows and listen to music that is way too mellow when I drive her around, but she still loves me and wants to spend time with me. I woke up this morning to the wonderful scent of cinnamon. When Big came to sit down she had three cinnamon rolls on a plate and offered me one. It was great and I am so glad to have such an amazing friend and sister in Christ.


Gems:
hilarious movies
cinnamon rolls
roomie love
text messages
house-warmings

oops... i guess i made U look

[114/366] Made U Look, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

So I spent the day with a beautiful lady driving every which way in order to take as many great photos as we could! It was great and I look forward to the next photo excursion that lies ahead. If any of you are interested in checking out the rest of the photos that I took today (in addition to the photo above), just click on the photo and look at the rest of the photos in the "Verona Excursion" album.


Gems:
plenty of sleep
road trip
God's gifts
Verona time
swing dancing tonight

dreaming of a true love's kiss

Kiss Here, originally uploaded by Random Civil Guy.

I'm watching Enchanted, for the second time, with Big Sis and loving every moment of it. If the princesses in the fairy tales can be strong and still have the men chase after them, why can't I use that same strength.

I always loved the Disney princesses like Belle and Ariel... I've never been one to wait around, hoping that the perfect someone will come to save me from the mundane... Cinderella and Snow White are not my role-models and I'm okay with that.

I should just embrace who God has made me to be, even if that means that I sometimes have to fight for the man meant for me as much as he fights for me!

_{And when you go out you don't want to wear too much make-up. Cuz otherwise the boys get the wrong idea and you know they are. They're only after one thing.
What's that?
I don't know... No one will tell me.}

Gems:
awesome dances at the Pub
Step it Up & Dance
time with the Big Sister
strong women fighting for love
"Happily Ever After"

out with therapy. in with flickr.

Morose Monday Mosaic, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Cooking... Photography... Kisses...
Unlucky and out of love...
Emotional expression through movement...
Learning to wait...
And practicing the art of relaxation...

Their photos tell my story.
Click on the photo above and read the notes that show up when you hover your clicker over the boxes that appear in the photo. It was truly the most therapeutic thing I've done in a long while. While I could run around trying to capture these moments myself, I would never be able to produce photos of the same caliber. So here they are. The masterpieces that illustrate the many feelings in my life right now.


Gems:
the Apple store
Crate & Barrel
Boudin with Dad
Papyrus store
Henry's with Big

i.n.s.p.i.r.a.t.i.o.n is everywhere

Day 97 - I dare ya., originally uploaded by {damnittoby}.

As the shirt says, "Find inspiration everywhere," and I want to. I want to find it when I'm excited... when I'm scared... when I'm lost... when I'm angry... when I'm lonely... when I'm weak... when I'm tired... but most importantly, when I'm sad.

If I can't change it... if I can't hide it... if I can't let it go, then I might as well use it to benefit my art... my photos... my writing... my life.

It was really great to go out to the lake with Big Sis. I didn't stay long, because I wanted to get back to watch Greek, but it was still nice. Big and I fed the ducks and I tried to capture shots of the lake as best I could, with the bread and a Starbucks drink in hand. I'm happy... for a moment. And whether or not that feeling stays, I look forward to opening up and allowing myself to be vulnerable to whatever is ahead.


Gems:
the Naked Cafe
time with Big
a clean fishbowl
Lake Murray
Memorial Day

late blogs, better than no blogs

[110/366] Candles 'R' Out, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I had a great day and I now can finally come to terms with the fact that my birthday has now ended. I celebrated with my family, ate shrimp, ate cake, and opened gifts. I have a new favorite dish at the Green Papaya and the cake was absolutely amazing!

My sister got me a great candle and some rocks to replace the black rocks that are currently in the fish bowl. I also got a bluetooth earpiece, so now I just need to make sure that I use it.

I went to church and hung out with Jonny afterwards, chatting over some Robeks smoothies. I'm not doing great but I'm not doing too badly at the moment. Still a bit of a space cadet, but I hope I can snap out of it soon!


Gems:
FloodKids worship
shrimp soup
birthday cake
family love
friendship

i guess i was just wrong again

Day 131 - Moi., originally uploaded by damnittoby.

Not my best day after all.
I'm glad I got all of that stuff done but...

I just wish I didn't hurt as much as I still do.


"Looking at his disciples, He said: 'Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh' " (Luke 6:20-21).

it has been me luckiest day yet

156/365 Where is me pot of gold?, originally uploaded by spring_peeper.

I've been really bad about getting stuff done lately. So I took it upon myself to get out and get a bunch done today!

I put together a grad gift.
And I got a haircut.
And I had my phone casing put on.
And I finished my thank you notes.
And now, I'm off to a grad party for Candace!

I just have to get gas and send out the thank you's that need to travel a long distance and I'll be happy!

All in all, I'm feeling pretty good right now. :)


Gems:
productiveness
getting my haircut
my newly green phone
Burger King iced mochas
graduation parties

that rain can't bring me down

Red Shoes Liberty Dance, originally uploaded by * Elsa *.

Feeling unwell.
Looking for an out.
I might just cry.
Consumed by doubt.

My heart, it aches.
My mind becomes numb.
My body, too sore.
And pain is the sum.

Still I will stand.
And hold my head high.
Sing in the rain.
Until the day I die.

I cried.
I sighed.
I'm fine.
Goodnight.

♥

Gems:
surviving the day
rainy days
Tommy visiting
scary movies
passing grades

living a fairy-tale & baring it all

{Week 16} Barefoot Fairy-tales, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I know that I am incredibly blessed and I hope that I only become more aware of that fact as the year goes by! I have many hopes for the future and I can't wait to see how each step of my life unravels into the next. There is no guy that I must change for because God is molding me into the woman He needs me to be!

If the rain makes me happy, I needn't pretend otherwise. During my time of singleness, I look forward to developing my skills as a cook, as a teacher, as a care-giver, as a decorator, as an artist, as a performer, as a dancer, and as an individual. I don't have to wait. These opportunities are right now... They don't begin once I'm in a relationship... They only continue.


<sup>The rain is fallin on my window pane
But we are hidin in a safer place
Under the covers stayin dry and warm
You give me feelins that I adore

It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Where ever you go

♥

I've been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin shows
Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holdin me tight</sup>
Gems:
mom's graduation
seeing grandma
talking to Goob
lunch with Big
my day of rest

you are important and so am i

those three words,, originally uploaded by ashleyRosex.

Slow down.

Look at the miraculousness of every moment with wide eyes & an open heart. Examine the moment & live fully in it.


Gems:
waking up without an alarm
lunch with Dink
chocolate muffins w/ icing
showers
community group

there's no need to say goodbye

Boxo Noodles, originally uploaded by littlesilverboxes.

<sup>It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye</sup>
I look forward to one day getting my own place and decorating the apartment or studio in all the ways I want to do. The thought of it is just exciting to me and I already have tons of ideas in my head that seem perfect right now. Green tones in the kitchen and bathroom and a modern feel to the living room. How my bedroom would look is up in the air... Who knows!? If I get a studio, the bedroom and living room would be one space.

Long story short, when I do get my own place, it will probably be in another state. That's both exciting, frightening, and depressing all at the same time! Seattle is still sitting at the top of the list. Anyone else have a suggestion for a nice place to live? Don't even try to talk me into staying here. It's a waste of your breath!

^{p.s. No need to worry yet...
It'll be at least another year and a half before I leave.}


Gems:
Regina Spektor
postponements
meeting with Amie
Sesame Street
dreams of the future

when someone else speaks

{Week 8} I Just Wanna..., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

Instead of writing today... here are some lyrics.
Today was just a movie day, I guess:
Prince Caspian earlier & Sweeney Todd now.
Anyways, girls, this song is for you!

<sub>Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don’t
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won’t
Depend of how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally,
Because I am a queen

I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing I will always be
India Arie

When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it’s suppose to be
And I know my creator didn’t make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my Lips, my eyes, I’m loving what I see

Am I less of a lady if I don’t where panty hose
My momma said a lady ain’t what she wears but what she knows…
But I’ve drawn the conclusion, it’s all an illusion
Confusion’s the name of the game
A misconception, a vast deception,
Something got to change

Now don’t be offended this is all my opinion
Ain’t nothing that I’m saying law
This is a true confession
Of a life learned lesson
I was sent here to share with y'all
So get in when you fit in
Go on and shine
Clear your mind
Now’s the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
‘Cause everything’s gonna be alright

Keep your fancy drink, and your expensive minks
I don’t need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive cars and your caviar
All’s I need is my guitar

Keep your crystal and your pistol
I’d rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don’t need you silicone, I prefer my own
What god gave me is just fine…</sub>


Gems:
daddy
showers
friends
Borders
movies

broken down... ain't giving up

My Birthday Celebration, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

My goal for the summer is to re-prioritize my life and really assess all that is required in order to strengthen the connection between me and my God. When I get caught up in something that is required of me, I hope that I will stop, think, and ask myself who I'm doing it for? To please God? To please someone else? Or to please myself?

I hope God speaks amazing things into your life!!


Gems:
rides in a convertible
french toast
work buddies
church
revelations

ma' morning cuppa cuppa joe

cuppa joe (24 February 2008), originally uploaded by kate_elizabeth.

So today was the end of my stresses. I took the CSET this morning and had to wake up at 6:30am in order to be there by 7:15. Caffeine is the only reason I make it through these crazy semesters.

5. History project due tuesday
4. History final paper due tuesday
3. Math homework due thursday (7 assign.)
2. Math final due thursday
1. CSET Subtest II on saturday
0. FREEDOM!!
We celebrated Mother's Day with the family and ate at Ranchero's, a vegetarian/vegan Mexican restaurant. Great food and hilarious conversations! My sister gave mom a shirt with a crying Earth that says, "Save me!" It was pretty hilarious... I need to figure out how we're going to celebrate my birthday next week, as well as join Candace for her grad party. I'll update when I figure it out, I guess.

Gems:
end of semester obligations
soothing fountains
Starbucks paraphernalia
belated mother's day
new shoe rack :)

i feel pretty... oh so pretty...

back bodice, a dress like sara's (but not sara's dress), originally uploaded by guessica.

I got my bridesmaid dress fitted today.
It was actually pretty nice.

My sister and I picked up the pink shoes and got the dresses taken in. Before that, I went with my mom to get my car in to the shop to get fixed. It's awesome... Got it back. It's running beautifully. AND it got a wash. INSIDE & OUT!! Sweet.

We had a Random family dinner tonight.
It was amazing!
I can't wait for the next one!!


Gems:
seeing my mom
fixed car
time with Doodle
Denny's
Random family FUN!

only 4.25 hours more of finals

aubrey, originally uploaded by .elsie*cake..

So yesterday was not the best ever, but I had a great time with friends on tuesday and I survived the day yesterday! That's pretty much a blessing in its own. I'm really pretty drained and sad that my car doesn't work.

Good news is that my friend is going to let me borrow one of his cars, which will be nice... I won't have to rely on everyone else to things that I want to do!! Somehow, I need to find a way to McDonald's today for the big deal and find a way to get to dancing tonight. Too much is going on.

Also I'm probably going to finally wash the tree off of my wrist after my final this afternoon. It's time. It got me through the end of the semester and I appreciate that for sure.

Wrist Tree Pho-Tat RIP: April 20, 2008 - May 15, 2008


Gems:
closure
helpful friends
dorm memories
rides with Big
almost summer!!

tis true... i'm officially two-two

trash the tutu, originally uploaded by alexkj.

Last night was a lot of fun celebrating with close friends. Some of the people I expected to see there, weren't but the night was great. The dancing was fantastic and I got HECKA cupcakes!! Woot! I am really loving it. So I need to write this paper and just get it over with. 5pm tonight, I will be as happy as a clam! :D


Gems:
celebrations
cupcakes
His grace
my birthday
good friends

too many shadows in my room

Jump Jump, originally uploaded by andyclymer.

I AM ELATED RIGHT NOW!!!

So I just finished gathering my online sources and as I was gathering everything to begin writing, I opened up the class website. BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE!! I found out that the deadline has been postponed due to confusion over the 3-page final! So along with the 3-pager, the 6-8 page final paper on California history will also be due on WEDNESDAY at 5pm. This is ONLY good because I am going to go to sleep now without feeling guilty.

In the morning, my plan is to wake up and head straight over to Gold Coast Bagel Co. and get a dang bagel before it closes (I found that it was closed when I got there yesterday afternoon). Then I'm coming straight back and working on the papers. No TV. And since I've already blogged (twice), even though I usually don't count it as the next day if I actually go to sleep, there will also be no blogging.

I'm thinking I should log out of myspace and facebook now so I can't use those either. I'd restrict myself from flickr as well, but I need SOMETHING as a minor stall tactic to retain my sanity! Minor is the key. But the plan is to work on the papers and get as much, if not all, of it done before I head out to the Pub. Whatever I don't finish, I will just get done on my birthday. I am totally okay with dedicating a little time to school on my birthday due to an extension! :)

So that's that. I'm stoked......... for reals.

BED TIME.

i'm stoked.......... can't you tell?

Girl in violet dress, originally uploaded by Chrissie White.

So I'm just going to stay awake working on this paper until I finish... I would say that I'm pulling yet another all-nighter, but I have hope. I HOPE that I will finish with enough time to take a nice long nap during the day tomorrow.

I guess it would be smart to finish, turn it in, then return home to sleep, but I have the feeling that my Big Sis is really going to ask for my bus pass before then. If that happens, I will finish, nap, then wake up by 4pm to find a way to school and turn it in before 5pm.

1. today
0. MY BIRTHDAY!!
I know that I should be pretty bummed about the fact that I'm spending so much time on this paper, but I haven't. I have been procrastinating like I never knew I could (eh... I did know actually), but I am determined now. I just need to get it done, in whatever capacity that requires. I just want to pass with a B. I can force myself to settle for a B paper. And that's what I'll do. :)

In 25 days, Lauren Waterworth will be no more...
She's almost Lauren Lieder!!
That's mind-blowing to me!


Gems:
a plan
determination
LW + CL = love
God's blessings
birthday celebration

everything better with ribbons

polka-dot ribbon, originally uploaded by Megan Troyer.

No lies, what I would like right now is a smoothie.
I wish my car worked.
Lame.

2. today
1. tomorrow
0. MY BIRTHDAY!!

The best gifts right now would be focus and inspiration. I really don't feel the motivation I need for these assignments at all... which is bad. I just need to get through two papers in order to maintain a good grade in history. Hear that? A good grade! I'm capable.
I just really need to want it.

Gems:
after-grad talks
empty apartments
good friends
mini donuts
time to do work

candles out in 3... 2... 1...

Lit, originally uploaded by Damgaard.

NOTE: Go to Flood tonight... The children dance and it's SUPER cute!!

I couldn't wait to open the birthday gifts that I received in the mail. I have two cards so far, some money, and an adorable purse that my grandma made. I'm a little bummed that I don't get to spend today with my mom, since it's Mother's Day, but I have a card ready for her when I do see her.

3. today
2. tomorrow
1. Tuesday
0. MY BIRTHDAY!!

I need to really push out this paper tonight.
As soon as I get back from dinner tonight,
I'm going to work straight through!
It's crunch time, baby!!

Gems:
yummy salads
grandma birthday wishes
Floodkids
hot cheetos & chopsticks
dinner with Flood

dreams of cupcakes & candles

Delight, originally uploaded by Disco ♥ Tetris.

5. History project due tuesday
4. History final paper due tuesday
3. Math homework due thursday (7 assign.)
2. Math final due thursday
1. CSET Subtest II on saturday
0. FREEDOM!!

I haven't finished any of the above obviously but I got the songs that I will be using for my history project picked out! So that's super exciting for me. I will probably make a trip to the school library to get a book or two that I need as well. So I'll ride over with Big Sis and trolley back perhaps. In the meantime, I'm going to get back to work until 12:45 or 1pm, when I go to lunch with Candace.

I may not be able to shorten the above list very frequently, but at least the one below will shrink every day! That's the exciting one anyways. :)


4. today
3. tomorrow
2. Monday
1. Tuesday
0. MY BIRTHDAY!!

Gems:
friends
blues dancing
shopping at am/pm
yummy donettes
diligence

it's the end of an era, people!

Week 5: Rise Up, originally uploaded by Jordie..

5. today
4. tomorrow
3. Sunday
2. Monday
1. Tuesday
0. MY BIRTHDAY!!
I'm doing alright.
I passed the Capstone, got a B in Ed, and finished my Thea work (probably an A).

5. History project
4. History final paper
3. Math homeworks (7 assignments)
2. Math final
1. CSET Subtest II
0. FREEDOM!!

Alright. That's all for now.
Back to work for me.
Love you all.

Gems:
rides from friends
great show at Kava
yummy fast food delicacies
time to get my work done
blues dancing tonight

no longer living life for only me

La Ballet, originally uploaded by Arman Zhenikeyev.

I'm feeling better, not feeling great, but much better. Keith came up to me last night, to share insight, and as he was talking, I almost started to tune him out. It's not that I don't respect his opinion or his input. I am just sick of everyone trying to solve my problems. My problems can't be solved by other people. God can. But more importantly, I can for a good amount of them as well.

Am I saying that I am faking hurt or fabricating pain? No, but a significant amount of my stress is due to a lack of positivity on my part. This site, which I found last night, has several tips about stress. Oddly, it also includes the information that Keith was trying to tell me about external and internal stressors. I think Keith was right, but I am sure that I would have rejected it if he had finished with all he was trying to tell me. So, thanks for planting the seed, but there's no reason to feel bad about the lack of follow-through.

I need to be intentional about feeling better. It is extremely easy for me to become ultra-negative and down on myself and others for the pain I'm feeling. I need to focus on the positives (or the gems) all throughout the day, rather than just once for this blog. I need to get more sleep and allow my body to reenergize (I slept 9 hours last night). I need quiet time to reflect, to connect with God, and get away from the mundane stresses of my life. I also need to exercise and continue my hobbies, so I'm glad that I'm still going dancing tomorrow night. I know it's only one day in the span of four, but it'll have to do.

I had a real prayer time with God last night and it was amazing. I felt relieved, calmed, comforted. Thanks to all of those who prayed for me last night or any other time over the past few weeks. Your prayers are much appreciated and I believe that they played a big part in my healing thus far.


Gems:
my dad's NOT severely sick (no cancer, no tumor, no ulcer)
love note left on my car... :D
my Capstone grade is in
study break tonight at Kava
the storms end is in view

scares & morning "night"mares

littleprincess, originally uploaded by andaria.

I'm so stressed that I'm having nightmares about school.

I woke up this morning close to tears because I dreamt that a teacher told me my work was satisfactory. He didn't tell me that it was bad or that I was wrong. He told me that the answer I thought could be right was, in fact, barely sufficient.

I didn't not do the work. I always do it. My fear is that the work I do will not be enough. Will not be sufficient. Will fall short of the expected excellence. Why do I even care when my intended goal is to simply pass the class?

I'm sick of being stressed, tired, emotional, and without an appetite.


Gems:
trip to Little Italy
photography adventure
cute shops
afternoon showers
rides with friends

cover my eyes so my <3 sees

Released, originally uploaded by Shabok.

<sub>"I've had enough of living life for only me
And reaching just for the things that keep destroying me
So sick of envying the lives of so many I see
Somehow believing that they have what I need

My God's enough for me
This world has nothing I need
In this whole life I've seen
My God's enough, enough for me

I can't explain why I suffer though I live for You
Those who deny You they have it better than I do
Cover my eyes now so that my heart can finally see
That in the end only You mean anything

My God's enough for me
This world has nothing I need
In this whole life I've seen
My God's enough, enough for me

Who have I in heaven but You
Nothing I desire but You
My heart may fail but not You
You are mine forever

...

My God's enough for me
This world has nothing I need
In this whole life I've seen
My God's enough, enough for me"
-- BarlowGirl, "Psalm 73 (My God's Enough)"</sub>
I sat in my car for nearly thirty minutes just listening to praise music. This song really stood out to me. I identify with it in so many ways. I want to choreograph a dance to it. I would love to perform it for Flood as well. I can't start for another 8-10 days, but I want to do it!

I left a message for Mindi already and it would probably be a mix of jazz, lyrical, and hip hop... But it will be inspired mostly, if not entirely, by the music... Whether or not it follows a particular dance form.

Anyone interested?

plugged in to the Source?

ifruit, originally uploaded by notic.

So I may be plugged in, but I'm definitely not plugged into the source that I need. I don't even think I realized when the switch happened. Somehow a new source was substituted for the Real Thing. I need God. I don't need carefully planned Bible study. I don't need a contrived worship period.

It all looked, sounded, and felt like God. And how am I sure that I'm not plugged in now? There is little to no output. There is little to no joy. There is little to no comfort. There is little to no relief from stress. There is little to no reliance on anything other than myself.

God, I need you.
I want you.
I cannot go another minute without you.
Carry me through this next week.
You are my only supply now.
And I will praise your name!
Amen.


Gems:
rest
movies
fewer classes
finished homework
my Supplier

trying so hard to feel the love

Day 29 - Heart., originally uploaded by damnittoby.

"For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love" (1 Corinthians 13:9-13).

I came to the conclusion last night that I am a wreck. I'm hurting. And yet, it's not because I don't believe that God is here for me or that He doesn't care. He is amazing and I trust His plan. What hurts is that I can't feel Him here and I haven't for a while. Not since all of this started to build up. I need God desperately right now. I want to be sure that I am showing God to others as well. As of right now, I'm in a horrible place to do that.

I read my devotional book and some of the Bible today... Now I guess I'll get back to homework, but I just need to say one thing. I'm not around because I don't have the time. I don't have the time to hang out or to go dancing. And I really just don't have the time to find people that want to talk over a meal. That doesn't mean that I'm any less communal!!

I want to see you guys. I want to converse with you. If you have a free meal period, please call me up. I may not be the best company the whole time, but you will make an incredible impact in my life right now! I love you all.


Gems:
church & Frippleville
asking & receiving prayer
check-ins with friends
Rubio's after closing
journals at Borders

memo on life to me, from me

Memo, originally uploaded by ali edwards.

Be in the moment.

just be. don't hurry on to the next thing.
BE IN THE NOW.


Gems:
great banquet date
painted nails
morning cartoons
breakfast time
time for homework

waiting for the pain to pass

[87/366] I think I could have too..., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I can't keep my footing anymore.
I'm sick of being sad.
I think I've given up.
It's almost over... right?

Gems:
banquet
redrawn
sleep
God
my gifts

"cheese" on the count of three

Day 13 - It's a camera. On a shirt., originally uploaded by damnittoby.

I'd rather be out taking pictures right now. Instead, I'm sitting here at my parents' house, waiting to do laundry (after Big), and avoiding my homework. I also would like a decent camera to take pictures with. I hate the stupid flash on my camera. It kills the entire shot every time!

p.s. This shirt rocks out loud!!


Gems:
time with Big
Bruno
diligence
laundry day
possible dancing tonight

2008-2009 planner purchased

[86/366] Life Organized, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I'm ecstatic right now!


I just spent three hours using the organization materials that I purchased today to finally organize the past two years of my life. It's an amazing feeling when you can say that you know where everything is!!

I am completely done with two of my classes for this semester thus far (I got a B in Ed and I'm waiting for my Capstone grade). I have about three small assignments due for my theatre class to be done with that, which leave me with two classes to finish out the semester.

It's amazing. I'm happy. Not over all the stresses, but I'll take the victory as I can!

OH and I found the other tiny earring that I thought I had lost, so I'm wearing them again. It really topped off my day. Now if only I could convince my body to stop being so tense. Oh well.


Gems:
finished homework
last theatre class
finishing Ed451
organizing my life
finding a lost earring (I got them from Lauren)