o, my feet, they always bleed

mermaid, originally uploaded by Krisztina Tordai.

While waiting for my dentist appointment yesterday, I read a Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale on my iPod. The Little Mermaid. I have always enjoyed and will continue to enjoy the intricacies of children's literature. The decisions made by authors were written to keep children in line. To encourage them to make the choices deemed correct and to always respect their elders.

The story was actually pretty closely followed by Disney's animators for the movie The Little Mermaid, with the exception of the ending and a few omitted details. Disney is the land where dreams come true and because of that, children very rarely face difficult choices or unwanted circumstance, when watching Disney movies.

Critical thinking must be nurtured from an early age. Of course, CT will look much different for a seven-year-old, compared to a high school senior, but both deserve the chance to stretch the muscles in the hopes of becoming stronger.

Many parents and educators read to their children and ask questions throughout the story. You are correct to state that this is one of the best ways to encourage critical thinking with younger ages. However, you're probably doing it wrong.

The Disney version: girl wants boy, girl warily seeks solution, easy solution offered, small sacrifice is made, girl fails, dad saves her, happily ever after.
Anderson's version: girl wants boy, girl eagerly seeks solution, extreme and difficult solutions are offered, death is sacrificed, girl is about to fail, given opportunity to betray boy for her life, fails again and dies

When the choices offered to children are heavily weighted on one side, what decision-making skills are they really implementing? Everyday we are faced with decisions that need to be made, which do not read as right or wrong. Our children should face the same tasks as well.

In the original version of this story, the Little Mermaid (who has yet to be name Ariel) chooses to drink the potion which splits her tail into two legs, only to feel the pain of walking on knives with each step. The Sea Witch does take her ability to talk, but she does so by cutting off her tongue.

Now there's a choice to make: healthy, safe, but horribly lovesick OR dumb, in pain, at risk of death, but a chance at love. It sounds borderline cruel to ask a child what decision they would make, but why is it so? You are not actually making them choose between the two. This is a hypothetical, made up world, in which the child should feel the freedom to make his or her own decisions, without the restrictions of right or wrong. Those two words shouldn't have precedence in critical thinking.

If the only questions you ask all have easy answers, you are breeding sheep, who will only learn to fall in line. Teach your children to think and lead the flock instead.

<sub>I'm a mermaid
but I've sold my voice
for a couple of feet
and they always bleed
when I go walking in the road

I'm a mermaid
but I've sold my voice
for a couple of feet
and they always bleed
when I go walking in these streets

and I once saw a most beautiful man
at the local record store
he bumped into me and said,
well excuse me, young ma'am,
but haven't I seen your pretty eyes somewhere before?
I smiled but gestured at my throat
to show that I was mute
well, he quickly looked down at the floor
and shuffled in his boots
he was out of there so fast

I'm a mermaid
but I've sold my voice
♫ Regina Spektor</sub>

yer beard... yer beard is good

twohundred and sixtytwo., originally uploaded by atomic turquoise.

I had an entirely different post for today. I began writing it out, got about half way, and decided to save it for tomorrow. I just feel far too conflicted about other things.

This long distance relationship is awkward, unfamiliar, and altogether awful. Set aside the times when David seems unreal -- due to like-mindedness, sincerity, acceptance, and all-encompassing sex-appeal (you may blush now) -- as I still feel it is often the case... the thing distance does to torture and betray me is to mislead me into believing things that are untrue or unproven either way.

It's easy for me to believe that I care about this wonderful man, who I often talk to, via phone or webcam. But when I think about his life and how I fit into it, it's nearly impossible for me to believe. The biggest problem for me is that I normally receive the bulk of my validation through physical contact. The distance has forced me to adapt and I am fairly capable of surviving a few days with several texts and an occasional call.

But with each day, a little bit more of the reality is stripped away. It felt real (as real as it could) for quite a long time. I guess everything comes back around at some point. Two weeks from now, it won't matter. I'll be in his arms, dancing to the same song, holding his hand, clinging to each moment we get together. It's hard to be excited when it's still today... and weeks away from touching his face.

I'm fine, really. I just hate when the realities of life make everything feel unreal. I also hope this feeling that I am somehow a nuisance will fade. It's just in my head. I'm working on it.

<sub>Your beard is good.
It's just a compliment for you.
You're beard..
Just a compliment about your beard being good.
And also I have another one here...
You're good at finding shortcuts around this part of town.
Would it be gay to write you a song to cheer you up?
It's called, "Bret, You Got it Going On."

Hey there Bret, I see you looking down.
Don't want to see my little buddy there with a frown.
Just because I get more women than you, well that's only because they don't know you like I do.
Sure, you're weedy and kind of shy.
But some girlie out there must be needy for a weedy, shy guy.
They want you as the needle when they're rolling in the hay.
Just hear me out when I say...

Bret, you got it going on.
The ladies will get to know your sexuality
When they get to know your personality.
I said, Bret, you got it going on.
Not in a gay way, just in a "hey mate.
I wanted to say that you're looking okay, mate."
Why can't a heterosexual guy,
Tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly.
Not all the time, obviously
Just when he's got a problem with his self esteem.
Don't let anybody tell you you're not humpable.
Because you're bumpable.
Well, I hope this doesn't make you feel uncomfortable.
If I say you've got a boom ow-ow.
Come on Bret, help me out now.

Bret, you got it going on.
(You got it going on!)
That's the conclusion that I've come to.
But that doesn't mean that I want to bum you.
Bret, you got it going on.
(Got it going on...)
No doubt about it, we'd be gettin crazy.
If one of us was lucky enough to be born a lady.
♫ Flight of the Conchords</sub>

never gonna say goodbye

(RED), originally uploaded by *Zara.

T
W
O

W
E
E
K
S
.
.
.

I feel as if I might just start counting the hours. I hope these next two weeks pass as quickly as it did the last time around. I really can't wait to see all of my Bay Area lovers... Big, WIll, James, Lauren (I hope), and David!! You can just know I'm thinking about you and hopefully that will hold you over. :)

<sub>We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up,
Never gonna let you down,
Never gonna run around and desert you,
Never gonna make you cry,
Never gonna say goodbye,
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you


We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand
♫ Rick Astley</sub>

cooking to do on their own

Sculpting Hands, originally uploaded by Josh Sommers.

I want to get my hands dirty again. Creating. Inventing. Dissecting an idea and making it into something tangible. I miss it dearly. I need to find the time for it... eventually, I will. For now, however, it's time to take a dip in the spa... After which, I need to write up a parent letter and get it sent out and edit the instrumental music that I was able to find in order to make the CDs for tomorrow's class. Mer.

<sub>And don´t be afraid of the Big Bad Wolf
he´s just a sheep underneath those teeth
And don´t be afraid of the Wicked Witch
She ain´t so bad she ain´t no bitch

Woo ooo it´s a wicked wicked world
Yea-a-a-ah Woo ooo ooo ooo it´s a wicked world

La-la-la-ladies if you feel me holler
Fellas show us all a dollar

Little Riding Hood is such a flirt
She got Miss Muffet all up her skirt
Hansel and Gretel never made it home
They got some cooking to do of their own

Woo ooo it´s a wicked wicked world
Yea-a-a-ah Woo ooo ooo ooo it´s a wicked world

Once I tried to be so good
All sweet and spice like good girls should
But I don´t see why I try why do I try?
When every time I climb that hill
My Jack is somewhere chasing Jill
♫ Laura Jansen</sub>

the way your sea sees me

Where the warm fuzzies are born, originally uploaded by *Zara.

“One might argue environmentalists are actually the worst advocates of their own message,” Dorman says. “We don’t have a solution challenge. We have a communication challenge. Until we start talking about green choices in terms of things that matter to all people and not just to other environmentalists, only environmentalists will hear us.”

Dorfman shares a story from the first season of “The Lazy Environmentalist” when he was trying to green a family that produced an enormous amount of trash. The father was hardest to reach. It was only when Dorfman began talking about the possibility that trash pickup prices might increase that the father opened up to his suggestions.

“We’ve got to talk about it in terms of things people are personally invested in and get away from this feel good-ism which the majority of Americans don’t believe in, even if I personally do,” he says. “It doesn’t compromise our integrity to communicate with people on their own level.”

[The Lazy Environmentalist]

The Creek to Bay cleanup went extremely well today. I was exhausted, but luckily, I was still able to function at some level. When I left the park where I was stationed, even the surrounding streets were looking cleaner and better cared for. We picked up trash, pulled weeds from the creek, and planted some new trees. At some point, I had the lovely task to pick batteries and syringes from the bags of the more careless volunteers (who didn't listen when we asked them to call if such items were found, rather than add them to their bags). It was a good day... I just hope I don't have to do another early morning of work right after a kick-ass late-night of dancing. Until the next event, I hope to ride out this high...

<sub>I once heard Captain Dan tell me a story
about this lovely girl who's name was Jane
She was vast and deep and filled with glory

Aaaahhhh

Bottom served as home for hull and anchor
She's always fit to quarrel with the wind
The great Titanic yes it's she that sank her

Aaaahhhh

Then she heard me
Say that oath that
made everything clear

I love you
My ocean blue
I like the way your sea sees me
My darling Jane
She speaks to me at times through falling rain
♫ Maroon 5</sub>

it can be big like an ocean

Earth Day, originally uploaded by Theresa (Bloch05).

In lieu of a written post, I am simply going to leave you with this marvelous video (TAKE NOTES!!):

<sub>It's not that easy being green
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold
Or something much more colorful like that

It's not easy being green
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
Or stars in the sky

But green's the color of Spring
And green can be cool and friendly-like
And green can be big like an ocean, or important
Like a mountain, or tall like a tree

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why
Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful
And I think it's what I want to be
♫ The Muppets</sub>

we will make a better day

Shopper's dress, veggie produce, originally uploaded by mleak.

In class today, I talked with the kids all about Earth Day and the importance of using reusable items. I heard their ideas and provided a few of my own. It was really nice to discuss a topic like that at CYT and I hope they were listening. There are some pretty amazing things that have been created from old products, like the dress above or the house in this article: Building With Bottles

It must feel amazing to complete a project like that. One that requires innovation, collaboration, dedication, and deliberate action. I'll let you all know if I suddenly feel the urge to create something fantastical!

<sub>When you're down and out
There seems no hope at all
But if you just believe
There's no way we can fall
Well, well, well, well, let us realize
That a change will only come
When we stand together as one

We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

We all need somebody that we can lean on
When you wake up look around and see that your dreams gone
When the earth quakes we’ll help you make it through the storm
When the floor breaks a magic carpet to stand on
We are the World united by love so strong
When the radio isn’t on you can hear the songs
A guided light on the dark road your walking on
A sign post to find the dreams you thought was gone
Someone to help you move the obstacles you stumbled on
Someone to help you rebuild after the rubble’s gone
We are the World connected by a common bond
Love, the whole planet sing it along
♫ original: Michael Jackson & Lionel Richie</sub>

i'll keep a smile on my face

The World, originally uploaded by *Zara.

Be sure to stay busy and plant a variety of crops, for you never know which will grow -- perhaps they all will. Light is sweet; it's wonderful to see the sun!
[Ecclesiastes 11: 6-7]

That sense of aloneness, without kinship in the natural world, is central to the argument that many of us are making these days; that is, if we deny children direct experience with nature, we deny them access to a fundamental part of their humanity.

In Last Child in the Woods, I coined the term nature-deficit disorder to serve as a descriptor of the human costs of alienation from nature, not as a medical diagnosis.

That’s one way to look at our lost kinship. Glenn Albrecht, director of the Institute of Sustainability and Technology Policy at Murdoch University in Perth, Australia, has coined a different term, with a related meaning — solastalgia — the unconscious fear of the loss of nature, a peculiar kind of homesickness.

Fortunately, there’s a growing international movement to connect children — and the rest of us — with nature. An appreciation of nature is rooted in the cultures of Australia.

Yet, that country — like the United States – has been battling the problems caused or exacerbated by a sedentary, de-natured life.

[Richard Louv, author of Last Child in the Woods]

I taught a class of fifteen autistic second and third grade children about watersheds and pollution prevention this afternoon. It was wonderful working with them and probing them to think deeper about the small choices that they make every day. After the presentation, the students were begging to help us clean (which we accepted gratefully) and I couldn't stop thinking about their passion for life and exploration! I can't wait for my day tomorrow. I hope to get a little time outdoors, even if it is still raining. Mm.. rain... :)


<sub>Sittin' here in my problem
What am I gonna do now
Am I gonna make it
Someway, somehow

Maybe I'm not supposed to know
Maybe I'm supposed to cry
And if nobody ever knows
The way I feel
It's all right
And it'll be ok

I'm gonna make my world a better place
I'm gonna keep that smile on my face
I'm gonna teach myself how to understand
I'm gonna make myself a better man

Climbing out of the window
Climbing up the wall
Is anybody gonna save me
Or are they gonna let me fall
Well I don't really wanna know
I´ll just hold on the best I can
And if I fall down
I´ll just get back up
It'll be alright
It'll be ok
♫ Keb' Mo'</sub>

the trash washes up to shore

total immersion program, originally uploaded by nardell.

Every piece of plastic ever made still exists today, and much of this plastic has traveled from our hands, to our oceans. The most important thing you can do is use less plastic.

More and more products are hitting the shelves that are made of bio-based materials and/or are biodegradable. Simultaneously, confusion and questions about what to do with these products are rising at the same rate which they are landing in our grocery carts.

But what is most important about these products is that we understand how they actually work and that we are disposing the various materials properly.

“The overall theme is that [bio-based materials and biodegradables] are innovative, but we need to be careful about it and we need to do some careful analysis,” said Christman.

Lilienfeld agrees. “Ultimately, like it or not, it’s all about the numbers. It’s not about making people feel good. Sometimes, natural gas may be the better source. On the other hand, if something grown domestically reduces our need for foreign oil and our need to defend ourselves, then that’s an important consideration too,” he says.

[For more, read What “Bio” Really Means.]

For anyone who may be worried about my current state, I awoke with a swollen eye this morning. I went in for my eye appointment, got new drugs, and it's looking better. I'm not in the clear just yet, but I'm still in good spirits. That's good enough for me! :)

<sub>I bet you think we didn’t know
Didn’t even see the tides change
But it’s a small, small world, girl
Getting even smaller every day

I bet you think we didn’t know
Didn’t even see the tides change
But it’s a small, small world, girl
Getting even smaller every day

You can fake that smile
For a hollow while
But the kids all learn
Once those bridges burn

Ssssssssssssss

The trash washes up to shore
Even in this landlocked place
The ** gets thicker
It’s toxic
Get it out my face

The trash washes up to shore
Even in this landlocked place
The ** gets thicker
It’s toxic
Get it out my face

And don’t be surprised
If they don’t buy your lies
Some of us can see through
Your stained glass eyes

Pot kettle, pot kettle black
Talk that, talk that smack
Pot kettle, pot kettle black
Watch your, watch your back
♫ Tilly and the Wall</sub>

just noticed this crying earth

20081107-40D-2666 Nat in the Autumn, originally uploaded by orangeacid.

I'd love the spend more time on writing out an actual post, but my eyes are killing me, so read this article instead: How Kids Are Saving the Planet. It makes me very happy. I also have a new book on my reading list, which I might write more about tomorrow. Get outside and spend some time beautifying the world around you!!

<sub>What about sunrise?
What about rain?
What about all the things
That you said we were to gain...?
What about killing fields?
Is there a time?
What about all the things
That you said was yours and mine...?

Did you ever stop to notice
All the blood we've shed before?
Did you ever stop to notice
This crying Earth? Its weeping shores?

Aaaaaaaaah Oooooooooh
Aaaaaaaaah Oooooooooh

What have we done to the world?
Look what we've done.
What about all the peace,
That you pledge your only son?
What about flowering fields?
Is there a time?
What about all the dreams,
That you said was yours and mine?
♫ Michael Jackson</sub>

roamed, rambled, & followed

earths, originally uploaded by ntmtk.

So, I am completely unsure if I will actually remember to do this, but I would like to post an environmental photo and song (as well as content) each day of the coming week. I love Earth Day and it was nice to be a part of the EarthFair, at Balboa Park, this year. I hope to be just as involved each of the coming years as well.

I talked to one man today who seemed seriously upset by the city of San Diego's lack of incentive to recycle. He told me that they should offer more money for recycling, so more people might actually start doing it. He leaned in, looked me square in the eyes, and said, "What real incentive do we have?"

Without pausing, I explained to him, as kindly as possible, "The only incentive that I have is that our waterways and oceans might actually be less polluted if we just took the little time it took to throw a bottle or two into a blue bin. I saved cans and bottles up to take to the recycling center when I lived in an apartment and I would do it again, even without monetary incentive."

It seems obvious to me. I'm surprised that it's not! I guess I'm not the only person interested in Why People Don’t Recycle.

Life's going to be a bit crazy this week,
but it seems to be slowing down ever-so-slightly.
TODAY: EarthFair
MONDAY: Filing & CYT in La Mesa
TUESDAY: Eye appointment & choreography for next week's classes
WEDNESDAY: Elementary presentation with the EnviroScape (observed!), between Filing at Byrom-Davey
THURSDAY: EARTH DAY, hopefully spent outside (walking, meditating, picking up trash), and CYT in Encinitas
FRIDAY: carpool to doSomethingBlue in Pasadena
SATURDAY: Creek to Bay Cleanup

Mm... I love that weekends don't even exist for me anymore...
I love it. So. Much.

<sub>As I went walking that ribbon of highway
I saw above me that endless skyway
I saw below me that golden valley
This land was made for you and me.

I roamed and I rambled and I followed my footsteps
To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts
While all around me a voice was sounding
This land was made for you and me.

When the sun came shining, and I was strolling
And the wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling
A voice was chanting, As the fog was lifting,
This land was made for you and me.
♫</sub>

nothin more than you and me

socks, originally uploaded by Peonies and Polaroids.

Days like this are more difficult than I'd like to realize. It's not even apparent to me, until it's spelled out and again I'm reminded. Reminded of the distance and the longing and the pain that comes along with it.

The dancing and drinking tonight should help, but we will certainly see. I can't help but feel frustrated at the thought of another month. And I'm eager to hurry the minutes and hours along, to serve my own selfish purposes, of course.

I miss you tonight.

<sub>The storm is coming but i don't mind.
People are dying, i close my blinds.

All that i know is i'm breathing now.

I want to change the world...instead i sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that i know is i'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that i know is i'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.
♫ Ingrid Michaelson</sub>

we're gonna be sinkin' soon

Happy (Rainy Day) Monday!!, originally uploaded by squeakypeach4.

If I keep a green bough in my heart,
then the singing bird will come.
[Chinese Proverb]

I love learning about and making more attempts to be green. To illustrate how ridiculous I've become: I was far too excited today to get a reusable grocery bag that folds up for easier transport. Since my mom doesn't use it, she offered it to me and I'm glad that she did. I keep turning down the offer for plastic bags at stores, but often leave with heaving armfuls of loose items. Not anymore. :)

<sub>In a boat that's built of sticks and hay,
We drifted from the shore.
With a captain who's too proud to say,
That he dropped the oar.
Now a tiny hole has sprung a leak,
In this cheap pontoon.
Now the hull has started growing weak,
And we're gonna be sinkin' soon.

We're gonna be
Sinkin' soon,
We're gonna be
Sinkin' soon,
Everybody hold your breath and
Down and down we go.

Like the oyster cracker on the stew,
The honey in the tea.
The sugar cubes, one lump or two?
No thank you none for me.
We're the golden crust on an apple pie,
That shines in the sun at noon.
Like the wheel of cheese high in the sky
Well ... we're gonna be sinkin' soon.
♫ Norah Jones</sub>

we are corresponding shapes

Sharon Davis & Juan Villafane, Photograph by Bryant Gover, originally uploaded by SharonDavis.

It's very strange, but I'm actually enjoying this swing class. I don't know what it is really. It could be that I'm just more open minded, but I have the feeling that it's because Alicia is such a hard-ass. You aren't asked to dance to the music or in a way that feels right to you. She tells you straight up that it's not the only way to lindy, but it's what she expects her students to do while in her class.

Knowing that she doesn't expect me to like it, or use it, makes me more open to learning it in the first place. I have become more aware of each step that I take and where I expect to be at any moment during the swing out. It's pretty neat.

One thing that's a bit frustrating is that it's hard to dance with the lindy hoppers who I thought were decent leads before. Knowing each intricacy of the moves and how they should feel only makes the dancers here seem sloppy and somewhat lazy. I don't mind much, because I goof off more than anyone, but it does rip away a bit more of the San Diego pride.

I love the people down here, but I look forward to moving.

<sub>I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home
♫ The Postal Service</sub>

you're the sweet to my mean

Mr. Blue Eyes, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I am really just at loss for words.

I have been feeling disconnected and a bit run-down, partly because I'm a girl and I have my moods and partly because I haven't had the chance to talk to this amazing guy in a few days now. It's weird to lose connection with someone who is already so far separated. I just want this distance to disappear.

[edit] I got to talk to him this evening and I enjoyed every moment. If only ichat would work just a little better... It would make for much smoother conversations!

<sub>I just wanna sing a song with you
I just want to take it off of you

Cuz, Blue Eyes,
You are all that I need
Cuz, Blue Eyes,
You're the sweet to my mean

Fess it up, dot on the palm of your hand
I can help you to stand
Saved it up for this dance
Tell me all the things you can

I just wanna sing a song with you
I just wanna be the one that's true

Cuz, Blue Eyes,
You're the secret I keep
Cuz, Blue Eyes

All the lights on and you are alive
But you can't point the way to your heart
So sublime, when the stars are aligned
But you don't know
You don't know the greatness you are
♫ Cary Brothers</sub>

we won't sleep at all tonight

In excelsis Deo, originally uploaded by Jane Bird.

I don't like who I have been lately... I've been far too critical and far too analytical of things that I haven't any ___ in. I hope this day off (with exception of the dentist) will allow me to clear my head and heart of these negative and judgmental thoughts.

Why must I take it upon myself to speak against the teachings that I don't agree with? I cannot control the instructors' lesson plans, so I'm done. I'll teach all that I can to those who seek me out.

My life is sufficiently lacking in sleep... This must change. Soon!

<sub>If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
Just say so...

How come the only way to know how high you get me
is to see how far I fall
God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me
but I can't break free at all.
It's a heartbreak...

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight
Let's just fix this whole thing now
I swear to God we're gonna get it right
If you lay your weapon down
Red wine and ambien
♫ John Mayer</sub>

you like it, you like it on top

how many?, originally uploaded by viva la vibs.

how many more jobs?
how many more appointments?
how many more hopes are lost?
how many more longing hours?
how many more days?

Today was tiring. I worked five hours filing (didn't finish the day's work), ran off to I Love to turn things in and get bombarded by questions about upcoming events (ack!), and then taught in La Mesa for over two hours. I appreciate the work, but I just desperately want to have one job that drives me crazy, rather than three that tear me apart. I have no consistent schedule and it just makes life difficult. I need to find the time to hunt down a good job in the Bay. *sigh*

<sub>A pretty face don't make no pretty heart
I learned that, buddy, from the start
You think i'm cute, a little bit shy
Momma, i ain't that kind of guy

Doctor, doctor, give me the news
I got a bad case of lovin' you
No pill's gonna cure my ill
I got a bad case of lovin' you
Whooaaa

I know you like it, you like it on top
Tell me, momma, are you gonna stop?
♫ Robert Palmer</sub>

stay with me in the morning

257.365, originally uploaded by rebeca :).

I feel less inclined to share what has been on my mind lately. It makes me feel a bit too exposed, for now, but I may share in the future. I am still digging and slowly discovering more about myself. It's an unending process, right? :)

<sub>You want to stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep
I was meant to tread the water
Now I've gotten in too deep
For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
'Cause someday I might know my heart

You already waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me
And I can say I've never bought you flowers
I can't work out what they mean
I never thought that I'd love someone
That was someone else's dream
♫ James Morrison</sub>

so hard, you'll go numb

tea in the sunlight., originally uploaded by viva la vibs.

It was interesting interacting with the children at the health fair today. I don't know if the families were any different from the people I meet normally, but it kind of bummed me out to see how the children interacted with us at the booth. It got me thinking...

As I looked at them, I wasn't seeing the child and their motives or desires. As I watched the little boy grab at the various freebies, without knowledge or care about the environment, I saw his parents and the things they taught (and failed to teach) over the years. It's sad to me that even the young children don't know about the fragility of their environment and how to keep it safe from further harm.

I know it's a heavy burden to place upon new parents, some of whom did not plan or prepare for such a life, but it is crucial for the upbringing of an aware and well-rounded individual. I hope that the reflection that is seen in my children (someday in the far-away future) is one that I am proud of.

<sub>Hey all of you, I love you.
I embrace you with a melody so sweet you'll melt
And a beat so hard, you'll go numb,
I'll do anything to make you go mad.

How 'bout it?

Hey all of you, I'll take you along.
To worlds never seen by anyone before.
Along with our dreams we're wide awake,
But the night's still still still not spoiled yet,
The world's not awake.

I don't care what happens anymore,
So let's just love each other tonight.

Selfish love.
Love me, cause I love you
This is my way of love.
♫ Miyavi</sub>

only one thing in common

Sharon Davis & Juan Villafane, Photograph by Bryant Gover, originally uploaded by SharonDavis.

I felt horribly unspecial today... I was shunned at the KUSI filming this morning. It was quite uncomfortable and just really unexpected. I don't know if I will agree to help out with another event like that again, unless I go knowing that I have a partner to dance with. *sigh* Oh well...

<sub>He was a hard-headed man
He was brutally handsome, and she was terminally pretty
She held him up, and he held her for ransom in the heart
of the cold, cold city
He had a nasty reputation as a cruel dude
They said he was ruthless, they said he was crude
They had one thing in common, they were
good in bed
She'd say, 'Faster, faster. The lights are turnin' red."

Life in the fast lane
Surely make you lose your mind, mm
Are you with me so far?
♫ Eagles</sub>

blow it on a bottle of wine

honey, originally uploaded by Jane Bird.

today

was

one

effing

tiring

day.

i

could

recount

the

ways,

but

it's

just

too

painful.

mer.

<sub>Life could be simple but you never fail
To complicate it every single time

You could have children and a wife, a perfect little life
But you blow it on a bottle of wine

Like a baby you're a stubborn child -- what's the matter
Always looking for an axe to grind -- what's the matter
While you're wondering what the hell to do
We were wishing we were lucky like you

Blame it on the girls who know what to do
Blame it on the boys who keep hitting on you
♫ MIKA</sub>

the one who must finish last

winter love, originally uploaded by Jane Bird.

- Work at Byrom-Davey
- Practice with Em
- Dance at the Firehouse
- Home to talk to David

It was a good day and I'm glad that it ended on a high note. I always enjoy hearing your voice, even if it's only for a short amount of time, David. :)

<sub>Am I the face of the future?
Am I the face of the past?
Am I the one who must finish last?

Look at me,
And tell me who I am,
Why I am
What I am.

Will I survive?
Who will give a damn,
If no one knows
Who I am?
♫ Jekyll & Hyde</sub>

my heart coming alive again

day three hundred fifty three. a lady always sits with her legs crossed at the ankles., originally uploaded by ::reflecting truth::.

I got extra work during the day and ran off to go dancing afterward. Drank quite a bit, danced a whole lot, and had an amazing time. I love the nights I end up sleeping on Amanda's couch. She's amazing!!

<sub>I've gotta get in step while there's still time left
I'm ready to move out in front
Life without life has no reason or rhyme left
With the rest of them
With the best of them
I wanna hold my head up high

I need got a goal again
I need got a drive again
I wanna feel my heart coming alive again
Before the parade passes by...
Before the parade passes by

I've gotta go and taste Saturday's high life
Before the parade passes by
I've gotta get some life back into my life
I'm ready to move out in front
I've had enough of just passing by life
♫ Carol Channing</sub>

started sweet-talkin' to me

chris and hannah, originally uploaded by p r o m i s e.

I'm apologizing in advance for my anger and mild cursing, but I've just about had it with this damn town and it's horrible blues scene! I cannot believe the things that were taught during his class tonight. It frustrates me to no end that he teaches effing moves, rather than the flippin' basics of partner dancing and connection!! Argh... here are the descriptions for the classes:

JUMP SWING classes will give you the basic tools to dance to fast-tempo swing/rock/jump songs with EASE. In the first 30 mins, we'll cover the Rockabilly/East Coast basics, then in the last 30 mins, we'll learn a fun new turn, spin, dip or lift each week. No prior dance experience is necessary. Class is not progressive, so drop-in at anytime!

SULTRY SWING classes will give you the basic tools to dance to slow-tempo blues/soul/funk songs and make it look SEXY. In the first 30 mins, we'll cover the Slow Swing/Blues basics, then in the last 30 mins, we'll show you how to execute a sultry "Dirty Dancing" move to impress all your friends. No prior dance experience is necessary. Class is not progressive, so drop-in at anytime!

If you can't see the problem, allow me to point it out to you. Both classes are designed specifically for beginners and both have a specific focus on the moves that you will learn in the class. Come on, LIFTS and a SULTRY dance move (specifically for the "Slow Swing" portion).

Why is this bad? First, the Slow Swing was referred to as blues before and during the class, so I rated it as a Blues class. Second, he didn't teach a thing about connection to these beginners. What I believe to be most important in dancing was completely ignored as something they will learn later (if ever). And the excuse? That we probably will never see them again anyway.

WHO CARES?! At least they would be able to really connect with someone and move to the music, if the mood ever struck them in the future. Now, they can only move with the girls who came to the class and learned "how to follow" those specific moves. It makes me sad.

The third, and most heartbreaking thing to me, was how the dancing was promoted to the MEN throughout the class. Leads were always men and I was just acting like a man, since I had joined the leads. The moves that were taught were designed to pull the women closer, so you could connect in a "more romantic way" with them after rocking out to lindy.

The whole class felt like a speed-dating tutorial that would set them up for the rest of the night. I flat out refused to do two of the three moves he taught and I had to correct how the follows moved, with each new girl, since the basic side to side step was taught WAY wrong (he taught an effing STEP-TOUCH!! no, weight-transfer was mentioned AT ALL!!).

I feel like he spit on everything that I consider sacred about the dance and I am reluctant to return. But if I don't, only more will go away thinking as he is telling them about Blues. No wonder they think I'm a lesbian... He's telling them that Blues is all about getting closer to the girl so you can ask for her number!! ARGHH!!

If I want to get close to someone, who might be a good dancer, I do not hit on him while on the floor. The dance floor is a neutral space, of which we need to reinforce so we can trust our partners with our bodies. If we turn it into mating grounds, then the people, who are there simply to dance, would never be able to relax into the Blues music. I'm just dumbfounded... insulted... and tired of living here, when there is so little to nourish my Blues dancing ways.

*sigh*

<sub>Bein' good isn't always easy
No matter how hard I try
When he started sweet-talkin' to me
He'd come'n tell me "Everything is all right"
He'd kiss and tell me "Everything is all right"
Can I get away again tonight?


How well I remember
The look that was in his eyes
Stealin' kisses from me on the sly
Takin' time to make time
Tellin' me that he's all mine
Learnin' from each other's knowin'
Lookin' to see how much we've grown...
♫ Joss Stone</sub>

we always do it nice & rough

Sound Unlimited., originally uploaded by k.olsonnn.

For whatever reason, I am overcome with the desire to be back on stage. Singing in the spotlight and dancing in unison to Broadway numbers from Rent and Jekyll & Hyde!

I miss the incomparable feeling that nothing else in the world matters but that one moment in the spotlight, with the stale air moving at each breath, a curl twisting it's way into your eyes, sequins dropping to the floor, and accompanied by the taps and clicks of character shoes. I miss feeling as if my lungs could explode with each extended note held over the thundering music of the band. I miss beginning each competition with aching legs and abs from the last-minute lift rehearsals, only hours before because someone didn't make grades. I miss losing myself in the music and still hitting every note, beat, and dance move.

If I could keep anything from High School, it would be the opportunities brought about by Show Choir. It was inspiring, uplifting, and it made me who I am today. Confident, bold, and eager to share with others, in whatever way I can. To share my thoughts, my voice, my body, and all of myself. I put all of myself into those performances and I would love to give more of myself in the future as well!

<sub>Ya know, every now and then
I think you might like to hear something from us
Nice and easy
But theres just one thing
You see we never ever do nothing
Nice and easy
We always do it nice and rough
So were gonna take the beginning of this song
And do it easy
Then were gonna do the finish rough
This is the way we do proud mary

And were rolling, rolling, rolling on the river
Listen to the story

I left a good job in the city
Working for the man every night and day
And I never lost one minute of sleeping
Worrying bout the way things might have been

Big wheel keep on turning
Proud mary keep on burning
And were rolling, rolling
Rolling on the river
♫ Tina Turner</sub>

the twin delineating curves

It took four days, but I finally cried., originally uploaded by rosa joy.

To be honest, I just really miss you right now.

I could probably sit here long enough to think of something else to say. With more substance. More information. But all of my emotions lead me back to this one phrase.

I miss you.

<sub>The Most Beautiful Part of a Man's Body
I think it must be there,
where the torso sits on and, into the hips,
those twin delineating curves,
feminine in grace, girdling the trunk,
guiding the eyes downwards
to their intersection,
the point of pleasure.

Duane Michals</sub>

hrumph.. i don't feel like it

purse, originally uploaded by ohsweetnuthin.

It's very odd... I haven't been in the mood to write lately. It's not that I don't have anything to say... In fact, I have plenty that I would love to share, but I think the added pressure of lyrics and video that I have placed upon myself have proven to be too much.

So I'm not going to worry about it.
Now to go back and fill you in...

:)

all-night sorting and editing

Sandals, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

What did I do all night last night? Go dancing, as I do every other night? NO! I stayed home and worked on my computer for hours... Sifting through photos, editing where needed, and finally getting them uploaded. I have been wanting to do it for a while, so now, I finally have!

I also stayed up until 5am...

What's up with that?!


*sigh*

going through withdrawals

Me & Justin, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

The family had a great time out on the town tonight... After work, Dana and I headed down to the Karl Strauss Brewery to meet up with everyone else. Dayna is in town with her boyfriend, so we were able to meet up with the two of them as a group.

The service was really great. The food was delicious, as expected. And I, again, find that I am a complete lightweight. It's a bit of a bummer really, because I am the only one in the family who cannot chug a decent sized beer, without feeling it too hard. I know I hold my hard liquor better than they do, so I guess it's a consolation of some kind. Heh.

Dancing afterwards was great. I got to just loosen up and enjoy myself. I miss being able to blues on a regular basis, but I guess I'll just have to wait until I move for that miracle. Emily is a lot busier lately and the venues are feeling more and more upbeat.

I'm stubborn though. And every chance I get, I drag my Amanda Jessie onto the floor and make her roll her body and swing her hips for me. I'm doing all that I can to stay sane...

Anyone have an extra ticket to Portland or the Bay?
May tenth is too far away!!

glamorous

Backlit, originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I did a photo shoot with Christie today and I absolutely love how it turned out! We had lunch (sister included), she got her make-up done at Mac, we stopped at the Coffee Bean, and then the shooting commenced. It was an all-in-all great day.

After which, I went out and danced in my brand new converse sneakers, drank too much, KILLED my feet, and ended up walking back to my car in socks. It was a great night, but I need to be more careful with the shoes in the future. Now, the drinking? :) It was good.

<sub>G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yeah
G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

We flyin' first class up in the sky
We flyin' first class, livin' the life
In the fast lane and I won't change
By the glamorous, ooh, the flossy, flossy

The glamorous, the glamorous, glamorous
By the glamorous, ooh, the flossy, flossy
The glamorous, the glamorous, glamorous
By the glamorous, ooh the flossy, flossy

Wear them gold and diamonds rings, all them things don't mean a thing
Chaperons and limousines, shoppin' for expensive things
I be on the movie screens, magazines and boogie scenes
I'm not clean, I'm not pristine, I'm no queen, I'm no machine
♫ Fergie</sub>

i can see it in those eyes

His eyes, originally uploaded by Eliza[beth] Grace.

I had a wonderful day today, spent with my sister and family. Work moved along at a pleasant pace, we relaxed a bit at her apartment after, drove out to Lestat's for an open mic time slot, went to eat dinner, hung out at Dana'a apartment to practice, and drove back to hang out and finally, perform. The performance went well (a lot better than that run-on sentence that you just suffered your way though) and I was happy to have one of my friends come out as well.

One thing that I found out tonight was just how much brassier my voice is compared to my sister's. It's very odd that I never noticed it before, but it's more apparent when I sing higher notes. Either way, it was fun and instead of singing her music, we both got to sing lead vocals for a song.

The song I led was Lisa Loeb's Sandalwood ("I want to kiss the back of your neck, the top of your spine, where your hair hits, and gnaw on your fingertips..."). I always feel a bit odd singing those kinds of lyrics in front of my parents, but it was a bit more comfortable than usual. Thank goodness. Below is the video from the last time we sang together. I think it was about a year and a half ago. Heh.

<sub>I can't help you anymore with this thing that's going on
I can't help you with this thing going on

You got to figure it out yourself, there's a girl you love
I can see it in those eyes, that's the girl you love

I can't help you decide what's going on
I can't help you with this thing called love

Not quite sure how it came about, there's a man I love
He came as a surprise, now he's the man I love
I can't help falling in love with him

And I can't tell you how to do it again
I'm, I'm so in love, I'm so in love...
I'm so in love
♫ Dana Henry</sub>

how we move from A to B?

Day 35: Here's my flair., originally uploaded by perkyNbLue.

I'm quite amused at the moment.

I have spent years despising foods and drinks, based solely on the fact that I didn't like them the day prior. Now, why I didn't like them in the first place, is lost completely, but this year has been a complete turn-around. I've mentioned this before, but today was just too much for me to ignore.

I have never been one to drink beer. I love brewery food and this is what drove my decision to suggest Karl Strauss for lunch this afternoon. I ordered a pint of Scottish Ale and the Big Beer Burger. So in addition to my pint, I also ate food cooked in their Amber Lager, IPA, Woodie Gold, and Red Trolley Ale. To top off the meal, we ordered their "Creme Brewlee," made with an Oatmeal Stout.

Everything was cooked to perfection and I ate enough to last me all day. I may have a tiny snack later, but since I haven't been eating very large portions lately, I'm still feeling plenty full.

Side note, the one pint of beer totally got me tipsy. It was a 6%. It was a bit frustrating to feel that way, while at lunch with my mom and no-booze grandma. Ha.

<sub>hands down
i'm too proud for love
but with eyes shut
it's you i'm thinking of
but how we move from A to B?
it can't be up to me
'cause you don't know
eye to eye
thigh to thigh
i let go

ooo-ooo...

and for you i keep my legs apart
and forget about my tainted heart
and i will never ever be the first
to say it
but still i,
yes you know i..i..i..
i would do it,
push a button
pull a trigger,
climb a mountain
jump off a cliff,
'cause you know baby
i love you love you a little bit
i would do it, i would say it
i would mean it, we could do it
it was you and i and if only i..

come here, stay with me
stroke me by the hair
'cause i would give anything, anything
to have you as my man
♫ Lykke Li</sub>

i told you that we could fly

modern girl, originally uploaded by ohsweetnuthin.

I don't know what's been up with me lately...
I've been particularly tired lately,
desperate for more sleep,
eager to curl up on a couch.

Maaaaayyyyyyyyyyyybe,
it has something to do with my lack of sleep at night,
to do with the constant pain in my eyes,
to do with my inconsistent consumption of caffeine.

Whatever the case,
I want a remedy,
a reason to fight for consciousness,
something to keep me going.

Maybe that something's you.

<sub>Don't ask me, what you know is true
Don't have to tell you, I love your precious heart

I, I was standing
You were there, two worlds collided
And they could never tear us apart

We could live for a thousand years
But if I hurt you I'd make wine from your tears
I told you that we could fly
'Cause we all have wings but some of us don't know why

I, I was standing
You were there, two worlds collided
And they could never ever tear us apart
♫ INXS</sub>

the honey inside your hive

Bagliore, originally uploaded by macxoom.

Dancing was incredible tonight. Incredibly freeing! Of which, I am glad, since the ride up was a bit odd. I love deep conversations and I am open and willing to talk and share about my life, but really... how many times can I discuss the fact that I am a virgin with any sort of serious tone. It's rare. It's uncharacteristically me. I get it. I do. I just wish I didn't have to discuss it when I'm so unsure of it's place in my life.

Life is what you make of it and I intend to live my life, making the best of what I know and have. I am eager to learn and to grow, but I will not force myself to gauge my progress upon the progress of others. It's time to leave my childish ways behind me. :)

Now, I've said this before, but more than ever, please, believe me when I say that you must watch the video linked under the lyrics... It does have profanity, so you have been warned (I know that is a big concern of yours, David).

<sub>You let me violate you
You let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you
You let me complicate you

(Help me)
I broke apart my insides
(Help me)
I've got no soul to sell
(Help me)
The only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself

You can have my isolation
you can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith
you can have my everything

(Help me)
Tear down my reason
(Help me)
It's your sex I can smell
(Help me)
You make me perfect
Help me become somebody else

You get me closer to God
♫ Nine Inch Nails</sub>

things that make you sway

music to my tastebuds..., originally uploaded by ~ geisha ~.

It is incredibly easy to get distracted from the low points and monotony of life, when you dive head-first into your work. I presented to Ramona High School all day on watersheds and the details about water pollution. From there, I went straight up to Encinitas, to teach my second CYT class of the week. It is WAY too far of a drive, but the coordinator is great and the kids are absolutely FANTASTIC!!

I have never been so excited about one group of kids (this is completely fabricated and, quite possibly, an utter lie, but I really do like them!) and I am eager to choreograph a number for them to perform. I am positive that the energy that they possess will speak volumes for any song that I choose. I want to showcase these kids as best I can!

<sub>And in your summer dress, was holding you
But you were holding less
It's not the words, it's the ones you stress
I love, as I love you, just don't love me less

And once in a while,
I know our hearts beat out of time.
And once in a while,
I know they'll fall back in line.

And in the summertime,
I don't know if the stars were aligned
We'd stumble onto something we would like
And I'm afraid I lost the words tonight

And when we're middle aged,
You tell me I loved you like a renegade
And how I say the things that make you sway.
And mostly I tell you you did the same.
♫ Rural Alberta Advantage</sub>

i never think before i say

same mistake, originally uploaded by macxoom.

Touch. I crave it and I miss it when I can't have it. Now, more than usual, I'm feeling overwhelmed by the desire to hold a boy's hand, kiss his cheek, draw him in for a warm embrace, drag my nails down his back, twist my fingers through his hair, and lay against his chest, listening to the inhale and exhale of his breath.

I can live without it. I don't need it. But oh, how much I'd love to be able to have it. I guess blues dancing on Friday will just have do, for now... and I hope it helps to some degree. I'm not very hopeful, but it's worth a try. May, please, come quickly!

<sub>Sweet pea
What's all this about
Don't get your way all you do is fuss and pout
You're the only reason I keep on coming home

I like the Rock of Gibraltar
I always seem to falter
And the words just get in the way
Oh I know I'm gonna crumble
I'm trying to stay humble
But I never think before I say

Sweet pea
Keeper of my soul
I know sometimes I'm out of control
You're the only reason I keep on coming
♫ Amos Lee</sub>

i'm another part of you, dear

today I became another girl., originally uploaded by rosa joy.

I always find it quite interesting to hear about the lives of my friends. Especially those that are drastically different from mine. The world looks so different through the eyes of another person.

Part of me finds serial monogamy (I will explain it in a moment) to misleading and dangerous, while another part of me so desperately wants to make it okay. I think it's a great thing when you can find someone that you connect with, someone who you can dote over, someone who makes you feel good. What I am talking about, however, is when a person moves from one serious relationship to another, with little, to no, time in between.

No time to recollect, to reconsider, to reflect. It may not seem to be much, but it's what made me who I am today. I spent two-three years single, outside of any traditional relationship. Yes, I may have attempted a few dates, but nothing seemed lasting and therefore, unworthy of my time.

Unworthy of my time. There's another thing that seems so damning to a relationship. It's something that seems unkind to say.. about anything really. Still, it is how I address potential suitors and how I will continue to do so, because it makes sense.

If I were to quickly jump into a new relationship each time I found myself single, I wouldn't exist. All that would exist are the fragments of past relationships, heartbreaks, conquests... oh, an a little of me, I suppose. I probably wouldn't know how much I enjoy writing or dancing or coffee shoppes or relationships with other women. Not that I can't or don't do these things in a relationship, but it was during my single moments that I found them.

My single weeks, single months, single years... Does everyone need this much time to find themselves? Probably not. But why not take it? Bask in it. Bask in all that is and can, one day, be you.

<sub>What a difference a day makes
Twenty-four little hours
Brought the sun and the flowers
Where there used to be rain

My yesterday was blue, dear
Today I'm a part of you, dear
My lonely nights are through, dear
Since you said you were mine

What a difference a day makes
There's a rainbow before me
Skies above can't be stormy
Since that moment of bliss, that thrilling kiss

It's heaven when you find romance on your menu
What a difference a day made
And the difference is you
♫ Marisa Lindsay</sub>

i'd be sunlight in your skies

day fifteen. my first jump in 30 days!, originally uploaded by ::reflecting truth::.

I have stressed out all day over things that didn't deserve that sort of attention. I am done with it. And now, I'm just going to enjoy the feelings that I had to begin with. I'm happy, ecstatic, and far too content with life right now... Granted, in many ways, I am not... I still can't wait to move closer to you, Big, promise! But with what I have now, I can't think of any other way to feel.

<sub>If you were a melody
I'd sing you all the time
And if your hands were poetry
I'd memorize every line
And if every look you gave me were
A different hue or shade of color
I'd learn how to paint you

You know I'd try

And if you were words in a story
You'd be in a book that's overdue
That's somewhere hidden in my closet
Looked a million times for you
And if you were just one day
You'd be the very first of May
And I'd be sunlight in your skies

Or at least I'd try
You know I'd try

What are the words, all the words that you're saying
I wish I knew all the prayers that you're praying
Everywhere you go I wish
That I could stand next to you
What are the words, all the words that you're saying
I wish I knew all the prayers that you're praying
Everywhere you go I wish
That I could stand next to you
♫ Jillian Edwards</sub>

yer the match & i'm the fuse

Dyne a la Lady Gaga, originally uploaded by Daniel Conway.

I am feeling a bit adventurous and far too stir-crazy to stay home for another second. I have decided to go out salsa dancing tonight. I'm actually late, so I need to run, but if anything of interest is to happen, I will certainly write about it tomorrow. All that I did today was procrastinate! :]

<sub>If you be the cash, I'll be the rubberband
You be the match, I'm gon be the fuse, boom
Painter baby, you could be the muse
I'm the reporter baby, you could be the news
Cause you're the cigarette and I'm the smoker
We raise a be, cause you're the joker
You are the chalk and I can be the blackboard
You could be the talk and I could be the walk

Even when the sky comes falling
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty little hand in mine
Even when we're down to the wire baby
Even when it's do or die
We could do it baby, simple and plain
Cause this love is a sure thing

You could bet that never gotta sweat that

You could be the lover, I'll be the fighter baby
If I'm the blunt, you could be the lighter babe
Fire it up
Writer baby, you could be the quote
If I'm the lyric, baby, you could be the note. record that
Saint, I'm a sinner, prize, I'm a winner, it's you
What can I do to deserve that
Paper baby, I'll be the pen
Say that I'm the one, cause girl you're a ten
♫ Miguel Jontel</sub>

i could never imagine you...

DPP_0150, originally uploaded by dshack.

I'm so happy.
Too happy for words right now.
Perfectly happy.
:)

<sub>Every mornin', every evenin', every day I, I think of you
The way you love me, through and through

When I'm with you, it feels like heaven
You're an angel, holdin' me
Your sweet, sweet lovin', it sets me free

And in my wildest, imagination,
I could never, imagine you
Lovin' me as much as, as I do love you

And it may be winter, it may be fall
I might have plenty, or nothin' at all
But baby I'll be there, whenever you call, ever you call

'Cause every mornin', and every evenin', every day I, I think of you
The way you love me, through and through
The way you love me, through and through
♫ Keb' Mo'</sub>

tonight, it's all about my baby

IMG_8341, originally uploaded by zane2hyperzane.

I feel like I am beginning to calm down. To gain my bearings, even if it is ever so slightly. I want to be sure that I am making choices based on my deepest beliefs, rather than the passing emotions that flood my consciousness. It will be difficult sorting the deep from the passing, but I am determined to find myself in the midst of this overwhelming and cloudy confusion.

<sub>When I think about you
I think about giving myself to you
Cause you know I want you baby and
I would do anything
I know you thinkin
The same thing baby
So come get it (come and get it baby)
I'm so excited
I can't hide my feelings get it
I wont stop to we start over and finish finish
Tonight, it's all about my baby
I'm feeling for you
You get me high
I can't stop you feel me right

Close the door
Bed or floor?
I just want more
I can't get enough of you
What I got in store
It's all of yours
I just want more
I can't get enough of you
♫ Tamia</sub>

he'll recognize a real woman

DPP_0097, originally uploaded by dshack.

I've been thinking a lot about teaching lately, in every capacity, including dance. I am eager to help others to learn and grow comfortable with the social dance scene. The most important thing that they must learn, in my opinion, is how to connect with a partner. This is rarely taught directly in San Diego, since we get new dancers all of the time.

Instead, lessons are move-focused and people get caught up in the mechanics of the steps, rather than the flow of the dance. I want to be able to shift the dancers' focus to the fundamentals of communication in partner dancing.

All this said, I hope to build up my own skills and the confidence that I need to be able to pour into others in the necessary ways. Emily and I have our work cut out for us, but I look forward to working with her and bringing what we have learned to others!

<sub>You fly as hell swagga right, brown skin poppin'
You know just how to talk to me, know just how I like it
You turnin' me on, you turnin' me on, you turnin' me on

Now wait a minute little buster
You got one more time to feel on my booty
Better recognize a lady that ain't the way you do me

You turnin' me off, you turnin' me off
You turnin' me off
Better recognize a real woman

(Ahh)
You ever try to get that close to me
You better come correct how you 'proachin' me
Dime divas give it to me
♫ Keri Hilson</sub>

love the way she bites her lip

amour, originally uploaded by elisabethsarah.

It's a bit strange... Before I knew, I was somewhat content. Longing for more, but content, for the most part. Now that I know how he feels and know how I feel when I'm with him, I am a bit sad that I can't have more time with him. It's a slightly uncomfortable way to feel, to be quite honest. I keep thinking that it is possible for the whole thing to escape, just as quickly as it came into my life.

Now, I'm not writing to be intentionally overdramatic, so allow me to explain just a bit more. The word that I keep referring back to is "normal." Normal. What does that word even mean? Who decides what is normal? Which set of rules am I to use to determine whether or not this pairing is normal? Normal. I don't like the word. I don't think I want to be normal.

What I do know is that this is a good thing. He is a good man. And I feel good about it. It was easier before I knew, because it was the only way for me to remain uninvested. Slightly distant, even though I was entirely too intrigued to stay away. Now that I know, I'm glad we met. I'm glad we connected. We stayed in touch. Abnormal and illogical sounds good to me. So, for now, it is. :)

<sub>I love the way she bites her lip
I love the way she shakes her hips
I love the way she makes me drool
I think that she is beautiful

She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
Well she's so lovely


A stunner
I wonder?
Was she this fit when she was 10 years younger
Come see me discretely
She said she's got a trick or two to teach me

I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
How we'll make it through this
♫ Scouting for Girls</sub>

you're every song I ever sing

BluesShout-0339, originally uploaded by Steve Losh.

So, tickets for Blues Recess are sold out and I am so glad I got mine while I could. I am very excited about the whole thing and really just can't wait. I am doing my best to focus on the things I can change for the time being... since time-travel is not an option.

... it really should be.

<sub>All I do the whole night through
Is dream of you
And with the dawn
I still go on dreamin' of you
You're every thought
You're everything
You're every song I ever sing
Summer, winter, autumn and spring.
And were there more
Than twenty-four hours a day,
They'd be spent in sweet content
Dreamin' away
When skies are gray
Skies are blue
Morning, noon and nighttime too

All I do the whole day through.
♫ Singin' in the Rain</sub>

but that means four boobs...

I'm Still Holding My Breath., originally uploaded by SaylaMarz.

I actually haven't met many women who haven't kissed another girl at some point in their lives. It may seem like an odd thing to ask about and for that reason, I haven't brought it up with all too many, but so far, it holds true. I think it makes all too much sense as well.

Women are sultry and sexy and very unpredictable. Yes, men can have these qualities and not all women do, but it holds pretty true. If you haven't done so yet and you were given the opportunity, would you? Why was I even reminded of this? The quote from Desperate Housewives today (my sister's roommate was watching it) was, "As much as you think you can switch your entree from meat to fish, it doesn't work that way." HA!! Love it.

That said, I'm going to go out dancing tonight (even though I'm in utter pain from the Dance-a-thon) and I'm going to get my lady-dance on! I can't wait to dance with my girl, Amanda Jessie, again. I love being led, but sometimes it's good to change it up and lead a wonderful follow!! YEE-ah!

<sub>Hey, hey, hey
Seeing her skin, feeling silky smooth
Color of cafe au lait
Made the savage beast inside
Roaring until it cried, "More, more, more!"

Now he's at home doing 9 to 5
Living his brave life of lies
But when he turns off to sleep
All memories keep more, more, more

Gitchi gitchi ya ya da da da
Gitchi gitchi ya ya here
Mocha chocolata, ya ya
Creole Lady Marmalade

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
♫ Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya, & Pink</sub>

it's ok if you have go away

healing koi, originally uploaded by *taryn.

Today was an amazing, fantastic, wonderful day and I was far too tired to write about it before falling into a deep sleep, against my will.

Side note: Bring a boyfriend/girlfriend the next time you need to pick someone up from the airport. When you pull up to look for the person you're picking up, just start making out as if (s)he's the one who is leaving. You don't get rushed away, if they think you're saying goodbye. Pretty sweet deal, if you ask me! :)

<sub>See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive

You and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just dream of
And if you could see me now
Well I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of
Finally deedeedeedee
Well I'm almost finally, finally
Well I'm free, oh, I'm free

And it's okay if you have go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear them ring
If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I'll remember everything you sang
♫ Jason Mraz</sub>

s'ok... i'm fine with the couch

princess & the pea, originally uploaded by la_sendi.

I could have been lying atop six cozy mattresses and still manage to stay up most of the night. It was marvelous and wonderful and everything I never thought could be. I look forward to the rest of the weekend. SO much.

<sub>I've got a bad boy and that's alright with me
His dirty laundry is nothing that I can't keep clean
And when he needs an alibi
He can use me all night

(Oooh) What's the fun in playing it safe?
(Oooh) I think I'd rather misbehave
Your way

I'm just a bad girl, that's why we get along
Won't make excuses for anything I'm doing wrong
I'll pull the trigger in a flash
Watch out honey, step back


(Oooh) What's the fun in playing it safe?
(Oooh) I think I'd rather misbehave
Our way

We're simply mad
Simply mad
♫ Bitter:Sweet</sub>